A princess of Durin
by QueenOfTheRing
Summary: My (real) version of the life of Dís, daughter of Thraín. I've got permission from kaetiegaard on DeviantART to use her amazing drawing of Dís, as a cover image.
1. The day that Smaug came

**Decided to write the idea that's in my head for a very long time, the life of Dís.  
>I made another thing about her for fun, but that's not how I imagine her life is.<strong>**So, this is my version of her live.  
><strong>**I've already got an idea for the next chapter, and it will be a bit less sad.  
>Can someone please tell me, how you can add a chapter? <strong>

**All rights belong to J.R.R Tolkien. Thank you!**

**I hope you will enjoy, and reviews (especially tips) are always helpful!**

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><p><span>The day that Smaug came:<span>

'Yeah, yeah, sure.' I mumble uninterested and not paying attention to my mother, who was trying to teach me how to knit. I was only ten years old, and I couldn't care any less about knitting, and it definitely wouldn't change when I would get older. I want to learn how to fight, like my two older brothers Thorin and Frerin. I lay flat on the ground staring at the ceiling.  
>'Dís, please pay attention. I never liked it as well, but if you will ever get on the road and your clothes are ripped, this could be very useful.' My mother tried to tell me, but I wasn't listening. She had said these things so many times. But I agreed with my father, who didn't think this would be useful. 'We are a mighty folk, we don't have to repair clothes, we buy new ones. And how many times do you think we will be on the road? If people want something, they can come here.' My father always says. I most of the time totally agree with her, but not about knitting. 'Why can't I learn how to fight?' I sigh.<p>

'You will learn how to fight, dear. But you are to young at the moment, and now you have to learn how to knit. When you learn it at young age, you can do it when you're older. It will only take a couple more years for you to start with you training. No doubt Frerin will help you, and if Thorin isn't to busy he will help you as well.'

I know mother is right, but still I didn't care. Why could I not learn it right now? Thorin and Frerin were already so good, but they are also quite a lot of years older then I am.

'When are we eating?' I ask to change the topic, and because I'm really hungry.

That question made my mother laugh. 'You're like your father, always asking when we're going to eat. Well, not before you finish your knitting, young lady.'

I look stressed at the wool. 'I haven't even started yet!' I protest loudly. 'And I'm not like father. I'm not always busy doing stuff for grandpa.' I come up and stand before my mother's chair. She smiles, but the smile looked a bit sad.

'He'll have to do things for grandpa, dear. If grandpa fades away, your father has to do it, and someday Thorin will be a king. And if he gets children, they will do the same thing. It's been like that since Durin, dear.'

I roll my eyes but chuckle. 'Thorin with children, right. I'd like to see that.' Somehow the thought of my older brother with children made me laugh. The only one I could possibly imagine with children is Frerin, because he is much relaxer. Even I could see that, and I was only ten years old. But me, I hated little children. They keep crying and it hurts your ears.

'Well, I can't eat before I finish this?' I ask and pick up the wool. My mother nods and I let out another deep sigh. 'Alright then.' With those words I follow my mothers movements and start to knit. Just when I think I'm about to die since it's so boring, I hear a strange noise coming from outside. 'What was that, ma?' I ask her curiously. I've never heard that kind of sound before in my live, for as far as I could remember. It sounds like a sort of growl, but I can't place it. 'I don't know, sweetheart.' She answers me.

'Can I have a look?' I plead. My mother thinks for a moment but then nods. I put my half finished work down and walk to the door. When I open it, I can hear people scream and running around in panic. Before I can call hear, my mothers hears it too and she picks me off the floor.

'Ma?' I ask worried, seeing the look on my mother's face. 'What is it?' I could feel that everyone was completely panicked and that there's was something going on.

'I don't know, dear. Do you know where your father is?' my mother is looking at me with big scared eyes. 'In his room, I think?'

My mother is running towards his room as fast as she could, what wasn't very pleasant for me. She opens the door but the room is empty. My mother curses but then she let out a scream of surprise when someone turned us around. I look up at the face of my father, his face full of worry. 'What is it?' my mother whispers. I could feel her heart stopped for a moment when my dad said the word.

'Dragon.'

I let out a little gasp. That must be the strange sound that I had just heard! I've never seen a dragon before, and from the stories I heard I didn't want to. They were terrible and could kill everyone. The deadly words that pop up in my head when I think about the dragon stories that were once told to me, make me panic and I start to cry. Above my cries I can hear my parents say a couple of things to each other.

'Get out of the mountain, find the boys and help the people as much as you can. Please, I beg you. I'll come after you.'

The tears in my mothers eyes had gathered while she spoke to her husband. 'What are you going to do, then? Fight the dragon?'

'I have to find my father, love. Run, now. Find a safe place. Go!'

It seemed like the panic had reached a higher level and I heard my mother whispering something to my father that sounds like 'I love you' and then she ran away.

I hold on to mother as well as I could, while my mother made movements that made me sit uncomfortable in her arms, and it suddenly felt like someone had turned on a heater up.

What I hate more than children is the heat, except the ones I could get from my mothers warm hugs. But this was beyond believe, and I remember again that it must be the dragon. I lift up my head and there, before my very own eyes, I see the largest thing that I've ever seen as a living thing. I let out an amazing and terrified scream, seeing the dragon open its mouth and burn ten dwarfs at the same time. I quickly look the other way and I feel my mother's warm hand pushing my head against her chest. It became all dark and tears made everything blurry. I look up once again and meet my mothers crying eyes. She looks exhausted and suddenly I feel guilty because she had to carry me. 'I can run myself, ma!' I immediately say. She shakes her head and I hear her breath louder than ever before. She kisses my head and holds me even closer. Not many steps later I hear from hear a relieved sigh. But then I get pulled into strange arms and I start to protest, until I see the face that belongs to the arms. For a fraction of second I feel relieved, but that doesn't take long when I realize my brother Frerin is looking even more worried that I've ever seen. More worried than most dwarves. But why did my mother looked a bit relieved?

'Frerin, thank Mahal your alright!' my mother screams. Before Frerin can say anything she continues. 'Take Dís, please. Take here outside, meet me there. You are fast, Frerin! I'm exhausted. I will not risk losing you two because I'm to slow. Please, take her with you, I will follow, I promise you! But run as fast as you can and don't wait for me. Father is taking grandfather and Thorin will be around here somewhere. I heard that he was the first one knowing the dragon came, so he must be close, and safe. I desperately hope. Go!'

Frerin kept trying to speak against her, but this was wasting time, so he finally ran off to the doors. When he had to jump over a dead dwarf body, my stomach makes a twist and the smoke is catching on my lungs. But than, suddenly a breeze of fresh air came along. Immediately I lift me head up and open my mouth, trying to breath in the nice outdoor fresh air. Well, not very fresh, since I can smell roasted dwarf, but at least it's better than back in there.

I suddenly see Thorin standing in the distance, dragging someone along. Who was it, grandpa? Yes, probably. But wasn't father looking for him? Where would he be? Very close, I'm sure. And most of the times it means that when he is close, mama is close, and we were al safe again. But when we get closer, I can see no sign of ma or dad.

Frerin stood alongside his brother, who tried to yell above all the screaming.  
>'Those stupid elves, they betrayed us! They were here, but they turned away. Those…'<br>Frerin quickly covered my ears, and she was quite sure she made 'stupid' up in her head, but he said something much more worse. When Thorin was done with his outrageous yelling and cursing about the elves, Frerin put his hands away from my ears.

I didn't even notice that I was still crying, and all along the road until passed Dale, what was nothing more than a place covered with ash and bodies. After a long time, we finally stand still and Frerin puts me down. 'Are you okay, Dís?' he asks while he strikes my tears from my cheeks.. 'I'm fine, thank you. How about you?' I look at him worried and he gives me a little smile, that doesn't look very realistic. 'Just a few scratches, that's all.' I nod and look around the place. The dwarfs that were once so mighty, forced down on their knees, looking miserable and heartbroken. I sit here for what feels like hours and hours, while Frerin went to help the other. Finally, he is heading this way, but is stopped by our older brother. 'This can't be everyone who is left – we're with so very few. Surely more people must be alive, they might are to exhausted to go on.' I hear Frerin say. 'We have sent the fittest dwarfs we have got left back to search for them, but they can't go near the Lonely Mountain anymore. Smaug has overtaken it.' Thorin said the dragons name with so much hate in his voice that it made me tremble.

'But where are we going to live now, than?' I ask snivelling. Both my brothers come my way and give me a warm and comforting hug, what makes me feel just a little bit better, or maybe just a little les worried. 'We don't know, Dís. But believe me, we are going to find a safe place for our people.' I nod and try to stop my tears, but I just simply can't. There happened so much today. I look around and see my father and grandfather talking to each other, but I can't find ma nowhere. 'Where is ma?' I ask. Both brothers look at each other at the same time, both with that strange look on their face that makes me shiver again. 'Ma?' I say again, my voice trembling this time.

'Ma… isn't coming back anymore, Dís. Never. She is gone to rest in the halls of Mahal.'

I open my mouth to protest, but instead of a protest there's nothing more than a loud cry. One after another they keep coming and the tears have their free runway. I feel hands again on my shoulder and back, but I've never felt so much pain and sadness before in my live.


	2. On the road

**Here's chapter two, I hope you'll like it!  
>The story about the stones at the end is for a really long time in my head, so I really wanted to write it down!<strong>

**Anyway, reviews could be very helpful to improve my writing, so please review.**

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><p><span>On the road:<span>

I strike my long black hair out of my sweating face as I hobble forward, getting with each step more and more exhausted. I was only wearing slippers when the dragon arrived at the Lonely Mountain and the soles were completely damaged and half faded away. When we had to run for our lives, my ma had carried me, and my older brothers Thorin and Frerin told me that that was the last she had done. Saving my life was the last thing she did before she got burned in dragon flames. I try to wipe that thought out of my mind, but the last couple of days I couldn't think of anything else. It was two days ago that the dragon attacked Erebor, and since then we hadn't done anything different but walking. We sometimes had rested, but most people couldn't find their rest. Some dwarves had a burned skin but because there was nothing we could do about it, they had died of pain and misery. It scared me, so I tried to look the other way when something like that happened, but still I can hear their cries full of pain smashing my eardrums. My grandpa, who is leading the dwarves, insisted on avoiding Mirkwood. I know we wouldn't be welcome there, although that wasn't the reason he didn't want to go there, but that meant we had to walk a long way around it. Thraín had told me that he would find a safe place for me, for all of us, but I am starting to wonder how long that will take, how many more dwarves had to die before we could establish ourselves somewhere. But like many other dwarves, I didn't want to lose fate so I try the best I can to be strong and don't give up with putting one step after the other. People volunteered to carry me, but I certainly did not want that. The last time someone carried me it had gone terribly wrong.

I lift my head up when I hear my oldest brother's voice announce that we can have a short rest. Like many others, I immediately let myself drop on the floor to rest. My mouth is so dry, I want something to drink! And it had been ages since I also had something to eat.

My grandmother had been walking next to me most of the time, and I look up at her. She is a very strong woman, but two days of almost non-stop walking made her feel tired. I pull at her sleeve to get her attention. 'Grandma?' I ask. I pity her for losing her daughter, but she seemed to stay strong.

'Can I get something to drink and to eat? I'm starving, and my mouth is terribly dry!' I whine. She looks down at me and meet my tired and pleading eyes. 'We will get something to drink, soon. And no doubt there will be some food as well.'

'But I want it now!' I cry, but immediately stop again. Crying is what baby's do, remember? Why am I still being a baby, than? I have never seen grandma or grandpa crying. Father neither, I believe. Mother only cried of happiness, until… And Frerin and Thorin also never seemed to cry anymore. 'Grandma?' I ask again.

'Hmm, have patience, you are very young and they give the young ones and elders first.'

'Yeah, fine. But why is it that you or any other dwarf of our family never cries? Am I being such a baby?' I ask, afraid of the answer.

But my grandmother seemed to take the question seriously. 'We are from the line of Durin, princes, princesses and a king and queen. They don't cry, because we are the example for the rest of our people. If we are strong, they'll be strong. And only a strong kingdom can go through this hell. And dwarves are not a crying type, we're very different from those stupid humans.' She answers my question.

I feel inspired by her words. _If we are strong, they'll be strong. _Are we really such an example for the rest of the people? But I indeed have noticed how much people looked up to my grandfather, how incredibly polite they always were and they would seem to do anything for him, so much that that could be seen easily by a ten year-old.

'Can you teach me?' I ask nervously. I expect this time that my grandma would laugh, although I've never seen her laugh as well. Was that also part of being an example? Before I could ask that question my grandma already answers me.

'Well, since your mother is slipped away, I'll be taking care of you now, that was already agreed. Your father will take care of Thorin and Frerin because they need to learn more because they're older and men. You'll have to learn different things. But in these times, you'll also need to learn how to fight. I'm a bit to old for that, so your father will learn you how.'

Another hundred questions seem to rise in my head, but before I can ask them a dwarf is standing before us. I don't recognise him, but I can see what he is holding in his hands. Dinner! My grandmother takes it and I get some gross looking stew, and a bit of water.

'I don't want this.' I complain, looking at the disgusting food and the water doesn't seem very healthy either. This made my grandmother look a bit irritated.

'You will eat that, young lady! This is all that we have, and you better eat and drink it. It's this, or nothing. And with nothing you will die, so this will keep you alive.'

I lower my head and carefully taste some. It's really as disgusting as it looks, but I don't want to die so I obey and eat and drink it all.

'Let me take your cup and bowl as well, grandmother.' I say. She gives me a little thankful nod and I walk to the center of the group. I hand in our used stuff and shuffle to a bit quieter place. I wanted some time alone, but that was impossible to find here. Neither I wanted to go to far away, because they had to search me and I'll cause them extra trouble. And after all the trouble that happened, that's the last thing I wanted. Eventually I find a reasonable quiet place, but still close to the others. I sit down again and look around a bit. It's not very nice here, nothing like I am used to. But the only thing that I was used to, is Erebor, and that's gone now. I'll have to adjust to the circumstances, there's nothing more I can do.

Suddenly my eyes fall on two interesting stones. Being a dwarf, means being interested in stones. I look at them and pick them both up. I don't know yet what kind of stones it are, only that they fascinate me more than all the other stones around here did. It's not only that they're pretty, they just have something. I twist them around in my hand, and they feel very good. If there would be a palace, or even a house, of this sort of stone, I'd be living in it.

While my fantasy runs wild about the two stones in my hand, sitting there for quite a while, a shadow falls over the stones and me. I look up in the eyes of my brother Thorin.

'For the third time, Dís, we're leaving now, are you coming?'

'Sorry, I didn't hear you. I was admiring these stones, they're really nice.' I apologise.

He kneels down before me and takes over the two stones. 'They are, indeed. But you can't take them with you, Dís.' He continues, like he could read my mind.

'What? But why, I really like, love, them and-'

My brother laughs and I look at him surprised. Was I saying something ridiculous?

'No, sweet Dís, you really can't take them with you. They'll only cost extra weight, and I can see you're very tired. No one else can carry them for you, even though I wish I could. But we can't have extra weight for something we don't really need.' He gives me a loving and caring look, not something he does often, to anyone. At least, not since he has become aware of his duties as a heir to the throne. But I know that he is right, how much I wish he wasn't. I sigh and take over the stones again. 'Fine.' I say. 'But I did give them names, so could I put them somewhere nice?'

This time Thorin looks at me with a surprise on his face, and he looks like he is trying not to laugh. 'Well, how have you named them, hm? Then we could put them somewhere nice' he asks, smiling. Dwarves love stone, that's definitely true, but never before a dwarf had named a stone.

'I've named them Fíli and Kíli' I say and I lift up the stone when I say its name.

'Alright then, where would you like to put Fíli and Kíli? We have to hurry up, Dís.'

I nod and quickly scan the place. 'Over there!' I say and run to a place a couple of meters away. It wasn't a dead looking place at the others, it even had green grass growing.

I put Fíli and Kíli the stones down next to the roots of a big old tree.

'That's a nice place.' Thorin says while he stops next to me. He takes my hand in his.

'Are you coming now, Dís. We really need to go on, let's search for grandma.' He says.

'Alright than.' I give Fíli and Kíli a last look, hoping that I'll see them again and that I could keep them. 'Bye, Fíli and Kíli. Until the next time.' I say with a smile, while I strengthen my grip on Thorin's hand and walk back to the group with him, ready to leave this nasty place behind. I don't want to walk again, but I am eager to leave this place. I find grandma again and she gives me a bit of a stern look. 'I thought you'd only bring those cups and bowls back, young lady.' She says firm.

'Sorry, grandma, but-' I start but get interrupted by Thorin.

'It's alright, grandmother. She was just finding a peaceful place. She is only ten years old, remember.' He says.

'Yes, I know that. Find your father to help him, I'll take care of her again.' She says.

My hand gets passed to the one of my grandmother who stands up and gives a my hand a firm grip. My brother is off to find our father while the group of dwarves slowly starts to move again. _Soon,_ I think. _We'll all be living in a safe and peaceful place again._


	3. Finding a new place

**I'm reading the books in my own language (Dutch) and I read the appendices again to know where they're going, but because it's in my own language I'm not sure if Dunland was the right translation, but I believe so.**

**Also, sorry for the little Frozen thing, just needed to do that x'D**

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><p><span>Finding a new place:<span>

The sun slowly rises when the early morning starts, giving the wandering dwarves a shadow of their figures. The dwarves were travelling for months and months now. The dwarves got disagreements about where to go. Many of the people had split up to find their own place - I was only with family and some people who stayed loyal to my grandpa - much to my disappointment. I believed that we could go through this hell, as long as we all would stick together, like dwarves usually did. I tried to protest, but no one listened to the cries of a ten-year old. I had already turned eleven, but even I had seem to forgotten my own birthday, which usually made me so exciting. The only thing that could make me excited now was finding a place to live. The older dwarf women had made warmer things for the dwarves. It had been summer when the dragon attacked Erebor, but fall had come and it wouldn't take long for winter to come upon us. The need to settle down somewhere had only become stronger. Finally, we seemed to have find a reasonable place. I don't think we could stay here for a long time, not for forever, but everybody had grown thin, many dwarves had died along the road, so we're almost forced to stay here. At the moment, they're searching the place. I'm not exactly sure where we are right now, but as always everyone seems to busy to ask.

Even my grandmother, who had been teaching me the last couple of months on how to be a princess from the line of Durin, and how to survive in the wild. A bit of an odd combination, but according to my grandma I need both. My father even started to give me proper fighting lessons since I turned eleven, what actually was still a year younger than a dwarf usually would start with training.

I manage to find Thorin and patiently wait until he finishes giving orders to some dwarves and I walk up to him. 'Thorin?' I call.

He looks down at me. 'What is it? Can't you find grandma anymore?'

I roll my eyes while trying not to sigh. 'I haven't been walking with her the last couple of days. I wanted to ask where we are, and are we going to stay here?' I say.

'We are in Dunland, and yes Dís, we're going to stay here. For now, at least. There are places where we can build small houses from wood and maybe stone. There are people nearby who we can trade with, but we don't have much to pay them. That means we'll probably leave in wooden houses.' I think he tries to sound comforting, but I can't see how surviving a winter in wooden cottages is possible. 'Well, how are you going to pay then?' I ask.

'The same way we sometimes bought food on the road; the little bit of money that we have with us, or other belongings that could be valuable.'

My hand slides to my necklace. I got it from my mother once, it was one of the very few thing I had left from her. But it was from real mithril, with beautiful jewels, forged by some of the best dwarves in Erebor. With those there were the small earrings I am wearing. Small, but valuable. And from my mother. I look around to the miserable dwarves. Some had wounds that would kill them if they wouldn't been properly taken care of soon. There were dwarves that needed something to drink, eat, a warm place where they could finally cry for the ones they had lost in the fire of the dragon. Mum wouldn't have want it any different, that I would give her treasures away for the sake of the lives of her people.

I remove the necklace and earrings, take my brothers hand and put them in there. I had on the road already given him a ring in exchange for food, but that wasn't something with precious memories. He looks at me surprised and shakes his head.

'Dear little sister, you can't do this. It's very sweet of you that you want to help, but these were from mother. She gave them to you, and they're yours. Think of it, it's the only thing that mother has left to all of us; you can't give that away.' He kneels before me again, so that I meet his eyes with mine.

'Dear big brother, I must do this. They're probably the most valuable things we have, except for grandpa's ring than. But if we don't give them away, we're all going to die, probably. I know dwarves are badly wounded and starving. If we want to survive winter, we must make houses from real stone, not that stupid wood. Mama loved her people, and so do I. You try to hide the truth from me, but I'm old enough to understand that we're in a very bad situation. Mama would have given up every piece of jewellery, and so do I. And it's not all she had left us. The memories with her are the most important things she left us, and no one can take those away.'

The words I have said, I said with an determination that every dwarf has in his or herself, but I didn't know that I already had it in me. My eyes meet right my brothers eyes, who seems moved and impressed at the same time. Wait, what? Thorin is never moved by anything. Ah well, I was never good at reading expressions from people, they just need to say what they want, otherwise I don't get it. And I just said what I want, and Thorin gets it.

He nods and even looks proud when he says: 'Did grandma learned you to talk like that? Sound typical like her. You should teach Frerin that, you know. The way he does it, it makes me laugh.'

The edges of my lips curl up as he says that. I was the only one who knew that Frerin could actually do it, but he did it on purpose to make Thorin laugh, since he did not often laugh.

'Yes, grandma taught me that. And a lot of other things, as well.' I answer. Actually, most of the things she learned me I didn't like, because it didn't seem right to be a princess when you have no kingdom.

My hand folds Thorin's hand around the jewellery, who looks at it and back at me again. 'Thank you, they'll be very pleased with that. You're a very generous dwarf, you know that?'

This time I look surprised. 'A generous dwarf? Than I'm not a really good dwarf, am I?'

Thorin chuckles. 'No, you're a better dwarf than most. Come, do you want me to find grandma for you?'

I shake my head. 'No. Can you find Frerin for me? I haven't seen him since yesterday.'

He nods and stands up again. I follow him back to the dwarves. His eyes catch Thrór and he walks up to him. Next to him is standing Thráin, and behind him is Frerin.

I want to run up to him to tell very proud what I've done, but my legs are to tired to run so I walk in slow-motion up to him.

I drag him away from the crowd and although is slightly protesting, he comes with me.

I tell him what I've done and he looks the same way as Thorin did, surprised but afterwards proud as well. 'That's my baby sister!' he says while he gives me a warm hug.

'I'm not a baby anymore, Frerin!' I protest while I try to escape from his hug.

'No, that right.' He admits. 'Certainly not after your inspiring speech.'

'You think my speech is inspiring?' I ask surprised, and stop with struggling.

'Well, yes, actually. The best thing people leave to others when they go to Mahal are the memories. Quit inspiring from the mouth of an eleven year-old.' He says with a smile.

'Hey, you haven't forgotten my birthday!'

'Of course not! I even sang a song to you, remember?'

'When we were walking I was the whole time half asleep.'

The next day a group of the dwarves was sent out to go to the most nearby place where they could trade. Another group tried to find things on the road that could be useful for whatever. Because everyone had been so tired, they decided first to sleep, for the first time they could sleep a bit longer, and than the half of the dwarves were sent out. Thrór wanted to check if orcs or goblins were nearby, but it wasn't safe to check so they would find out very soon, if they were attacked. Not really very useful, but that's all they could do.

As soon as the dwarves got back, they were surrounded by other curious dwarves who wanted to see what they have taken with them. A lot of stones and cement was lying on carriages, but according to the dwarves they needed to take them back to the humans. Thraín, who had been leading the dwarves to the trading people and who stood at the front of the returned group of dwarves, searched his daughter and picked her up when he found her.

'They loved your jewellery, or actually you mothers. But without you we had to sleep in wooden houses, so thank you very much! And, the people over there insist on meeting our family, so we are going there again tomorrow while we return the carriages. But we have to look good, so ask you grandmother for a new dress.' He gives me a kiss on the top of my head and puts me down again.  
>First, he hadn't agreed with selling his deceased wife's jewellery, but Thorin had persuaded him. Nevertheless, I swell again with pride by my fathers words.<br>'Thank you, dad.' I say with a smile. He answers my smile with one of his own, a weak one, but still. At the moment, I feel I could take on the whole world.

Then I suddenly hear my grandmother's voice behind me. 'Why have you been hiding from me, little dwarfling? You need to get on with your lessons!' oh, dear… Okay, maybe I could take the whole world but no one can take it up to my grandmother. Thorin hears it and frowns, while he gives me a I-knew-it look. Yes, it's true, I had been avoiding my grandmother's lessons, but that's because I still couldn't handle that she was way more firm than my mother ever was. I quickly look the other way, and face my grandmother. 'I haven't been avoiding you, grandmother! I just wanted to help the others.'

She thinks for a moment but then gives a small nod. 'Alright then. But while they are building houses, we can go on with the lessons. I'm to old to help and you are to young.'

I try not to give a deep sigh and walk to my grandmother, knowing she is right. Yet I still didn't want to go on with my lessons. The 'how to survive in the wild' lessons could sometimes be fun, but the 'how to be a princess from the line of Durin' never were. It was recognising plants you could eat, or how not to cry when someone you love dies. Well, I'm going for the first one. But I'm learning them both at the same time.

I look back once more, to the dwarves who had started to find places to build the houses, and the first one started working on the first one. I see my two older brothers, father, and grandfather. At least I'm still with my family and there's no reason to cry right now.

We could survive winter, all because of me. I didn't know it yet, but that would be the biggest thing I had ever done in my life. Luckily, I didn't know the things that would've happened if I chose not to give the jewellery away. Sometimes it's just better not to know these things.

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><p>My grandmother searched for a silent place where we could continue with the lessons. I told her that the trading people wanted to meet us, so that I needed, according to my father, a new dress. For some odd reason this made my grandmother very excited, since I hated making or repairing clothes. She had already begun with making something on the road, but she didn't want to tell me until now.<p>

'Because your clothes are getting almost see-through and you can't survive winter in that, I bought a very thick cloth. Don't worry, it's from my own money and it's really necessary because you can't wear that thing forever.' I have to agree with her on that point, because this dress was already becoming tight and it was a summer dress. Frerin had ripped of a part of his coat for me so that I could wear it as a cloak, but it was also not very thick. My grandmother got working on a dress with seemed to be light blue, what I certainly didn't like. I only like dark colours, but I appreciate that she did this for me, so I kept quiet and started to describe the plants that you could and couldn't eat.

After almost falling in tears because I had to cry for the loss of people I love, my grandmother luckily decides that I'm still to young for that.

'Alright, maybe we should take it in smaller steps. Just don't show to much emotions. A princess who is crying half of the time or jumping around of happiness isn't really a example for other people.'

I try to obey her but I can't help that sometimes I get really excited or sad.

'No, keep these words in mind: Conceal, don't feel, don't let them show. Remember, that if you break down, a folk can break down. And that's when we are to fragile and people can just run over us. We are still a mighty kingdom, and I know one day that your father will take back Erebor. And if he doesn't do it, your brothers will. You know that.'

'I know, grandmother. I'm sorry, I'll try harder.' I sigh.

The rest of the day we're busy with the lessons, still often changing topic before it becomes to much for me. I love my grandmother, absolutely, but sometimes she didn't seem to understand that it is all a bit to much for me. I'm only eleven.

But at the end of the day she finishes the dress and she says were done.

'I only need you to try it on to see if it fits.'

I obey again and put it on. I was dying to see the result at the other side, where they had been building the houses all day from the stones that were paid with my jewellery.

For a first time a small and almost going unnoticed smile is on my grandmothers face.

'I saw that!' I say immediately.

'What? Did I do something wrong?' she says in a firm voice, not being very happy that I shouted and the smile had immediately disappeared from her face.

'No, nothing, I'm sorry.' I was expecting another speech that I didn't had to use so many words to say one thing, but she seems to focus on the dress again. It was beautiful, there was no denial in that. Even I couldn't deny that. But I actually had forgotten, this was my grandmothers job, making clothes for dwarves. She even made the most beautiful wedding dresses, although dwarves almost never got married. Or at least, very often they didn't.

But I'm wearing a long blue dress, with sleeves that grew wider how longer they got and there were golden stitches on my waste and at the top and bottom of my sleeves.

'Thank you, grandmother. It fits perfect.' I say a bit surprised, because she didn't even take my size. Well, she did it for almost 200 years, so it's not even that surprising.

I get permission to take it off again and to go back to the others. I immediately race to the group of dwarves, and I see already lots of houses, being finished and magnificent for something like this, in these conditions. A 'wow' escapes my mouth while I slowly walk around and admire the houses. It were so many! Not enough yet, I know, but what they've done in one day was almost a miracle seeing the circumstances. Yes, a fitter group of dwarves would have made more, but the perfection was there. This was obviously the work of dwarves, no other race could do it the same. I walk backwards with an open mouth of amazement, until I suddenly bump into someone. I quickly turn around, ready to apologise, but when I see it's Frerin I calm down.

'Hello, sister. Do you like it?' he asks, with the sweat pouring from his face.

'If I like it? I'm loving it!' I say. He laughs and looks pleased. 'I may hope so, I'm more tired than I've ever been. Well, that's not quite true, but-' He gets interrupted as I give him a hug, to show how much I appreciate it. 'Because of the both of us we can sleep somewhere tonight, don't we?' I ask carefully, still a bit afraid of the answer, since there probably weren't enough houses yet. But he smiles while he looks at me and says: 'Yes, because of all the hard working dwarves and you we have a place to sleep tonight. Well done, little one.'

A smile also comes on my face while he says that. 'Good, because I'm really tired and it's already dark.'

He nods. 'Yes it is, so let's go back to the others to eat something.'

I agree with him and take his hand while we together back to the others.

Meanwhile, I ask him: 'But Frerin, this aren't enough houses for all of us, right? So who is going to sleep outside?'

He shakes his head a little. 'We can all fit in the houses but that will be very crowded, so we're making more houses tomorrow. But tonight we can all sleep in houses, so don't worry. Some went to buy some beds, and they're human sized, so there can be two dwarves in it. And since you are very small – he continues despite of Dís' sigh – you can go with Thorin and me.'

Secretly, the thought of that made me silently laugh. I hope I can get a separate bed tomorrow.

When we arrive by the other dwarves, I can smell food already. A young dwarf is handing bowls and cups out to thirsty and hungry dwarves. I recognise him as Frerin's and Thorin's best friend. He gives me a bowl and a cup. For the first time it doesn't smell or look really disgusting like that first time, what I since then always had to eat. And the water looked clean for the first time either. Miracles sometimes apparently did happen. And this one happened because of me. Actually, because of my mother. Thank you mum.


	4. Orc attack

**Thank you for the review, that really made my day!**

**I was expecting this to be a reasonable chapter, but to be honest I think I like this one most, until now. **

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><p><span>Orc attack<span>

Focusing on the target, I release the arrow. It was near the middle, but 'near' wasn't good enough for me. I make an frustrating noise and throw my head in my neck.

'You'll get it right, Dís. Just keep on practicing.' Thorin says.

'I've been practicing for twelve years now to get that arrow in the exact middle of the target and it still doesn't get in there!' I snap him off with a bitter tone.

It's true, I am twenty-three now. And we still lived in the same place where we arrived all those years ago, because we could. The houses were made with stones, because I gave my mothers jewellery so they could trade it for things we needed to survive. And luckily, we did. Not many deaths had fallen afterwards, except for if the winter was too strong, somebody was too sick or even by birth. For the rest, everything went reasonably well. Everyone even found some work and make some money. I still had everyday fighting lessons and lessons from my grandmother, which finally seemed to work.

About the fighting lessons, I'm alright with the sword and even good with the bow and arrow. Because my father had gotten to busy the last couple of years, my brothers are teaching me now how to fight. Well, mostly it was only Thorin because Frerin worked often in a nearby place. Thorin and I didn't want him to, but Frerin just smiled and went to work everyday.

'Dis, just try a couple more shots but this time try to focus on the exact center of the target and believe you can do it.' He answers me.

I look at him quite angrily, how he was just easily sitting there and saying those thing. Yes, he could do it, so it's easy for him to say.

'I _am_ doing that, Thorin!' I say, but as usual I do as he says and try to focus even better on the center of the target. I slowly breath in and release another arrow. Damn, miss again. This time it was like 10 centimetres to high, which was actually quite a lot. I just sigh this time, ready to fire another arrow which without a doubt will miss the center of the target as well. I pick up another arrow and lay it against my bow, ready to raise it again. Because, the target was actually hang on the branch of a tree, behind all other branches it was a bit camouflaged.

Yes, if the target was just straight in front I could hit the center of the target easily, but now when it's covered behind branches of the trees, it's a lot more difficult. Especially because when I look up, the sun is shining right into my eyes. I was really good with a bow and arrow, just not in this way. I suddenly hear something cracking from behind. It sounds like a person walking on leafs and branches, we're in a forest after all… But there were only very few people who knew this place, and two of them were here and the rest was working somewhere else. I look at Thorin, who first is looking at me with a questioning look, but then also seems to hear it. I look at my bow and arrow, walk a bit backwards, and listen where the noise is coming from. I suddenly hear that it's very close to me, while I turn around as quick as I can, ready to release the arrow, just as Thorin yells 'WAIT!'

Being a fraction of a second later, and I had released the arrow. But now the point of the arrow, which I was still holding, was just before my brothers chest.

A trembling sigh escapes my mouth while I lower my weapon. 'Frerin, in Durin's name, I could've killed you! Shouldn't you be working?' I say a little shocked. The thought of killing my own brother by accident was a bit to horrible to think about so I shake my head to wipe that thought of my mind.

'I thought you'd already heard me coming. And I was sent off, since I already finished my work.' He says looking guilty.

'That's the problem.' I mumble while Thorin is coming to stand next to me.

'I saw you shooting by the way, Dís. You almost got it.' Frerin says.

'Yes, but almost is not good enough. It's like almost killing someone, and that won't work.' I respond. Having two older brothers was actually quite frustrating, because they can do a lot more than you can do.

'Well, let's try sword fighting than, maybe that's easier.' He proposes.

I shrug and pick up my sword. 'Why not.'

Thorin, being wise enough, stands back a little. I look at Frerin and his sword, which is according to him the best sword in the world. Yes, Frerin is really a swordsman. He of course like me could handle more weapons, but there's one that is his favourite.

That's my having a swordfight with my brother is not really ideal, but at least I learn from it. We begin and although I know he's going to win this easily, I give everything I have, until eventually he makes such a quick move that I fall over and if this was a real fight my stomach would have been pierced by the sword. He helps me up again and gives me a little smile. 'Not bad, sis. You held it longer than I would expect you to.' I give him a little smile back, being happy it's not a real fight and I still live, and look at Thorin. 'Maybe I'll learn from watching you two fight again.' I say with a hopeful tone. This make both of my brothers chuckle.

Especially when I was younger, I asked everyday if they will give me a little swordfight show against each other. I just loved watching them fight together, although when it's a real battle they'd fight next to each other and not against each other. But they smiled and agreed, so I sat down on a stone and watched them for a long time, and finally Thorin had won. He's of course not only five years older than Frerin, but he had more and longer training sessions, because he was the heir of the throne. And he also had some extra training while he trained me, although that wasn't really a challenge for him of course.

'Come on Dís, your turn again.' Thorin says while Frerin sat down. Knowing that winning against Thorin is even far from possible, I stand up and take the challenge. It doesn't take long before he won, but still I had tried out a new move that went quite well.

This is how we amuse ourselves for the rest of the evening, until we are covered in sweat, being very thirsty and hungry, and having a few slight wounds and scratches, but nothing serious. We love each other, so we'll never hurt each other on purpose.

As we head back to the other dwarves to get a nice meal, I realize that I left my arrows in the target. Because you'll never know if you get invaded by orcs or goblins or something, we had orders from the king to remove all weapons, arrows as well, from the fighting place, because otherwise enemies could steal the weapons.

I tell them that I had left the arrows and would get them back quickly, and convinced them that I could get them alone. Especially since we were robbed from our homeland, they seemed even more protective. Not just for me, but for everyone here. I turn around and walk back to the tree where the target is. I could leave that hanging, it was quite out of sight and neither it was a weapon. Being one of the few dwarves who could or dared it, I climb into the tree till I reach the branch where the target is tied to the tree with some rope. I carefully crawl forward on the branch and reach for the arrows. Still having the bow on my back, it wasn't very comfortable. But I manage to get the arrows out and when I'm about to put them back in the tube, I suddenly hear noises again from people heading this way. A sigh and shake my head. Brothers, they never leave you alone.

I wave with the arrows while I yell: 'Hey, I've already got the arrows, didn't fall out of the tree (well, I still need to go down, but hey) and I'm not that tired that I can't walk back myself.' to the dwarfs that came here. But suddenly they change direction, and I see that they weren't going to me. They didn't even notice I was hear until they heard me yell and saw me wave. Now they're coming this way, and when they come from the bushes, I see it are no dwarves at all. No, no dwarves at all. It are goblins and they're screaming something it their terrible language I don't understand, and don't wish to understand either.

I could stab myself, how stupid I am. I shouldn't have yelled at them, thinking it were Frerin and Thorin! But now its too late, and if I don't do something it's too late for me as well.

I immediately take my bow and the arrow that I was still holding, is fired at once.

The first orc falls over, but I've only got a couple of arrows and now I can see there is coming up a whole pack of orcs. These aren't just a few lost orcs, this is a whole invasion!

I fire arrow after arrow, but now the arrow are also pointed at me and fly around me. Because I'm sitting higher it's maybe more difficult, but the sun has gone down. One orc arrow flies terribly close past my foot and I gasp. I couldn't go down there, there are way too many orcs, and I'll immediately get killed. I couldn't stay here as well because they could hit me any moment. The only option was going higher into the tree, hoping the arrows couldn't reach me. But they were heading for the dwarves, so I need to warn them! I think about Thorin and Frerin, who are walking together a bit ahead. They wouldn't have reached the others yet, but they can't fight this whole group of orcs. With a little bit of luck they would be back on time but what if.. what if they're waiting for me? Shit, shit, shit! I shouldn't have go back on my own, that's stupid. Now what? If they were waiting, they weren't that far away, so maybe they could hear me if I screamed as hard as I could? And otherwise they would be back with the other dwarves on time. Only I could not warn them. I must try, I think.

I climb as quick as I can without falling to the top of the tree, with the arrow flying around me. I gasp again when one comes so close to my shoulder that it rips my clothing at my shoulder, and I feel that there's a small wound. Well, can live with that. I climb higher and higher until I reach the top. I quickly fire another arrow what kills another orc. Now I've only got two left, and I'll keep them for emergency's. I breath a couple of times deep in and out to catch some breath again. Then, as loud as I can, I give my best and highest (what for a dwarf isn't really that high, it's about a human men range) scream, as long as I can. Hoping they would hear it, that someone except for the orcs would hear it. I look down and pull the leafs aside, to look at the orcs. They apparently had decided that this was a waste of time and that I couldn't come down, so they were gone. I slowly let myself lower a bit in the tree, and can still see them running away. Well, it was a forest, so that means there's more than one path to get back to the dwarves. I jump out of the tree, looking around. The problem is that the orcs went in a straight line, so the fastest way. They hadn't been fighting all evening so they weren't as tired as her, and probably also better fighters. Suddenly, there was an idea in her head. Without doubting anymore, she ran off, following the orcs, hoping to catch up on them.

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><p>Thorin and Frerin were slowly walking back together to the rest. They were discussing who had the best sword, and while Thorin saw things in both of them, Frerin kept holding on that his sword was the best in the world and there's nothing to do about it. Trying to bring reason to Frerin about this was hopeless, Thorin knew, so he started to talk about other things.<p>

'Did you know that Óin has a new little brother? Glóin he's called, I believe.'

Frerin was just about to say something, when they seemed to hear something in the distance. Very soft only, so he couldn't figure out what it was. He looks at Thorin, who also seemed to hear it. 'What was that?' he asks. Frerin shrugs. 'No idea. Let's move on, shall we? I'm starving.' Thorin nods, glances one more time behind him, and follows his younger brother.

After a short while, he hears something again. But this sounds different, like running footsteps from a distance. He taps Frerins shoulder, who looks at him. 'What?' he asks.

'Listen.'

They both listen again, and now Frerin is also hearing it. 'Maybe it's Dís?' Frerin says, but Thorin shakes his head. 'No, this sounds more like a whole group, and they're not moving as dwarves.' Concern begins to grow in him and he looks around, and it feels like there's a stone inside his stomach.

'There, over there!' Frerin suddenly says. He points at another direction, and Thorin squeezes his eyes together while he looks over there. It was some distance away, but now he knew it he could definitely see it. And he wasn't happy with what he was seeing. Orcs. But… who running in front of them?

'They're chasing someone, who looks like a dwarf, but who?' Frerin asks, looking to the orcs, to Thorin and back. Suddenly, Thorin sees who it is running in front of them. The stone in his stomach drops. It's Dís.

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><p>I know that my idea is madness, but at least I had to try it. Doing it wrong will mean my death, but if I don't do eat, they will attack the other dwarves, and probably the first two of them will be my brothers. I can't let that happen, so I ran as fast as I can, and to my great relief I can see the orcs running in front of me. Yeah, right, to my great relief. What's happening? I try to give the last of hard running I can, what's not good at all, since this is only the first part of my plan. The second one, means run or die. I catch up with the orcs who are running at the behind of the group. I realize I also still have my sword. They luckily don't seem to know that I'm running behind them. I run oblique to the right, and now I was walking in the middle of the group, but like seven metres to the right of them. I look at the one running in front, and pick up one of my last two arrows. If there's a leader, you should kill that one first, I knew. While running, I point my arrow at him. There seemed to be like a moment of silence before I fire the arrow and it pierces through its head. The orc falls with a last scream on the ground, one which hurts my ears. The orcs stop running and immediately look my way, a bit shocked. 'Hi, it's me again.' I say, and stop as well, feeling pleased with myself that for so far my plan has worked, and that I can stand still for a moment. But that moment doesn't take very long, because my plan continues and the invasion of orcs is coming this way. I run off the other direction and slalom between the trees, hoping to avoid all the arrows that are launched at me. I sometimes look over my shoulder, but that sight of a hundred orcs now who are following me is a bit frightened. They seem indeed outraged, so it probably was indeed their leader, or they're angry that I'm smarter than they, or they need anger management. Probably all of them.<p>

I suddenly hear someone scream my name, what causes my attention. I look aside, almost forget to zigzag and an arrow nearly pieces my head. I gasp and look behind to the furious orcs. I saw in the moment that I was looking aside Thorin and Frerin storming this way, but the orcs were so focused on me that they didn't seem to notice that. But I see that the half of them is heading the other way again. I was hoping I could draw them away from the dwarves, but half of them is going that way right now. But there's no time for me to stop now, I need to think were I would draw them to, because to be honest I really didn't think about it at all. And I also know that I'm about to fall down, the orcs are catching up with me and the arrows are getting closer, because I don't put a lot of zigs and zags in there anymore. Then I hear a death scream behind me and for a moment I'm afraid that that was Thorin of Frerin being murdered by an orc, but it was the other way around. One of the orcs body was pierced by a sword I just had a sword fight with. Frerin growls angrily and looks at the orc who drops dead before his feet. This got the attention of the other orcs who had stopped running, so I can now also finally stop running. 'No one's killing my lovely little sister.' He growls and he starts stabbing into orcs, followed by Thorin who looks at my for a second with a look that confuses me, but I take my sword out as well and start stabbing into the orcs. It was like three against almost thirty of those filthy orcs, but dwarves were in general much better fighters. I have sometimes a bit of trouble, but in contrast of my two older brothers, who were killing every orc that stood before, or behind them. I get a few stings of a sword here and there, but I quickly return those and slice their head off. When they're all dead, I say: 'Quick, the other half went to the other dwarves, we must hurry!'

But Thorin looks at me stern. 'Dís-' he says but I cut him off. 'Quick!'

Frerin and I run immediately away, and Thorin follows. I have trouble keeping up with them, but I let them run forward since there were here no orcs left, and otherwise I could still take them. I still had my one arrow, and my sword of course. But when I arrive at our settlement, I see that it was more than the half that had stopped following me and went the other way. They must have split up before, because this were another hundred orcs. My thoughts get disturbed when an particularly ugly orc heads my way. I attack, but he is quicker. I jump the other way, and the sword exactly comes between my arm and waist. This time I attack, but this orc is way more skilled then I am, and whatever I do, he is faster and better in it. He tries to stab me again, but this time he succeeded. I feel the point of the sword in the side of my stomach, but further the sword doesn't go because a dwarf pierces him through from the back. I recognize the dwarf; it's Frerin's and Thorin's best friend. He is older than me, but still younger then they are, and he also has quite a lot of wounds, some nasty ones.

I nod to say thank you and quickly continue with the battle, trying not to fall over the dead bodies of orcs and sadly dwarves as well. I scan the area, and see that the orcs are getting less, or they flee. But there's still an amount of orcs fighting, and in the distance I can see my father against five orcs at the same time, who were driving him up a hill. I see that he's in trouble when five other orcs are coming from the other side of the hill, at his back. He doesn't seem to notice and one of the orcs lifts his hammer. I run towards the hill and get my last arrow. I span the arrow against my bow, focusing on the orc. It's what I've been doing all evening, trying to shoot a target what was above me. I focus on the side of his head, or the middle of the target. Although this sounds like I've got quite a lot of time, it's only a second. I release the arrow and I think I'm too late, but just centimetres before the hammer hits my father in the back, the side of the orcs' head is pierced by my arrow. A smile crosses my face, and my father just fights through.

Feeling totally in it, I kill some other orcs until there are none left and I fall exhausted on the ground. The wound in my stomach really hurts and I can see it's very red there. I try to look for my brothers' friend, how he is, but I can't find him. I try to remember his name, but before I can Frerin kneels next to me. 'Dís, are you alright? Quite clever what you did, but I'm afraid Thorin doesn't really agree. But are you wounded?'

'I'm fine, just a few cuts and a small wound in my stomach. How are you?' I look up at him, seeing the wound on his face. He sees me staring at it. 'This, hm? Not as bad as it looks, don't worry. Let's go.' He helps me up and I look relieved at him. They're both still alive, my family is still alive. Thank you, Mahal. Thorin is coming towards us, and he's looking even reasonable, compared to most. 'Dís, I can't believe you did that. Why-'

'Because I had no other choice Thorin, that's why. And if I didn't do it, they had reached the camp sooner. I agree, my plan has failed and I couldn't warn them. I should've let you come with me to get the arrows, but it has happened now and there's nothing to do about it.'

He looks at me with a firm face. 'Yes, you were foolish. But if you really couldn't do anything else, maybe you did fine.' I sigh and roll with my eyes. 'I'm truly sorry, Thorin. But I was panicking, and I thought that they would find you first and you would be killed, you saw how many it were.' I almost beg. He nods and looks at Frerin. 'Are you two okay?'

'Yes, and you?' Thorin nods again as an answer. 'Let's find someone who can take care of the wounded, and see if the elders and children are alright.'

Frerin obeys and hands me over to Thorin. He sees the blood at my stomach and frowns. 'I thought you two were okay, but Frerin is obviously lying because the wound at his head is very obvious, and I can see you also got a wound there.'

I roll with my eyes and chuckle. 'It's not that bad, Thorin. It was only the very point of a sword, before a dwarf killed the orc. What's the name of yours and Frerins best friend again?' I ask. 'And is he okay?' Somehow I would regret it if he would have died.

'No, I've seen him, he's also taking care of the wounded. And his name is Grodri.'

I nod. Grodri, I would not forget that name, because he saved my life.

We arrive by the other wounded, and Thorin puts me on a chair, looking rather concerned. 'Are you sure you're alright?' he asks. 'Thorin, I'm twenty-three now. When I say I'm alright, I _am_ alright!' He sighs and mumbles something that I can't understand, but it sounds like 'sisters.' I roll my eyes again but crush my teeth together when he looks at my wound, and tries to clean it. 'Okay Thorin, that hurts! Happy?' I ask with crushed teeth.

'Not really. You should be happy that's only the point of the sword.'

'Yes, because otherwise I'd be dead.' I say dryly.

'Depends on how far the sword went in you; orc blades are always infected, you could die from the infection as well.' He says, but he doesn't sound that concerned, so probably I'm safe.

'Yeah, that really helps Thorin, telling those stories.'

'But just to be sure, we need to disinfect it. You'll never know.'

Now I'm looking concerned. 'And does that disinfecting… hurt? I mean, really hurt?'

He looks a bit uncomfortable, like he doesn't want to tell me. 'Yes.' Is the answer, unfortunately. I sigh. I don't want to die, so let's do it. 'Fine then.'

He went to get some, and I was kind of hoping he would stay away, but sadly he came back with the disinfection middle and a cloth. He put some of it on the cloth, and the next moment I feel an intense pain and try not to squeal, what means crushing my teeth so hard together that my jaws hurt. Still, I'm not dead, I thought. He picks up some bandage to wrap around me, and to be honest I already feel better.

'Do you know why these orcs were coming here, in such great number?' I ask carefully, looking down at him.

'I don't know. I expect them to have heard rumours about us, and they were probably hoping we still have something valuable left. And otherwise, they like killing dwarves.'

I look the other way, trying to think what we're now going to do. Are we going to move somewhere else? I was hoping yes and no at the same time. Yes because I'm desperate to leave this place, no because the road is dangerous and we're weak. Weaker than first.

I ask him, but he shakes his head. 'We've got nowhere to go, Dís. Even if we want, we can't go anywhere.'

I sigh, being stuck here is horrible. But at least we've got each other still.


	5. Brothers and a Sister

**Thank you for the review again, and the followers!  
><strong>**Sorry this chapter took a bit longer btw.**

**It was really difficult to come up with an idea that they could do together, so I hope it works! Enjoy!**

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><p><span>Brothers and a Sister.<br>

A couple of years had past again, but luckily not many of the dwarves had died. The orc attack had claimed some lives of some dwarves, and a dwarf lady had died again by birthing a child in a very cold winter. I had almost threw up, but according to my grandmother's lessons a princess didn't do that. That caused some extra lessons, and when I say 'some' I actually mean a lot. Sometimes I had days of endless lessons with my grandmother. But when I was lucky I had endless lessons of training with my bow and arrow, and I really did get a lot better at it. I was winning from Frerin even once, but only at the last moment he won. After that, I reminded it was my birthday and he probably let me almost win. But never mind, I was happy.

Unfortunately, the last month there were more orcs heading this way and sometimes we had some surprise attack. They're mostly not with many, but it isn't pleasant. The last time they came they had destroyed some of the houses, what meant they had to rebuild. Even I was helping, and the last couple of days everyone was busy with rebuilding houses and their jobs. My job is making jewellery, and if there wasn't much ask for it I made clothes, like my grandmother.

Because my brothers and I were overworking way to hard, especially for our age, Thror decided we could have a day off. I was planning to sleep until very late and do nothing at all, but it was summer and the sun shines right through the open windows.

I blink my eyes, wishing I had curtains, and feel already really awake. I wasn't use to sleeping late. Hoping that I could fall asleep again, someone knocks on my door. Oh Mahal, that's probably somebody asking if I could do this or that. So much for may day off.

Remembering my grandmothers words (a princess can not be seen only in her nightgown by the people) I take my coat and answer the door.

'What?' I ask, a bit more cruel than was supposed. Oh, I don't care, then they shouldn't bother me on my day off, for the first time in forever. Because the sun is shining directly in my eyes now, I can't see yet who it is. I blink my eyes a couple of times, and I'm surprised to see the person standing at my door.

'Well, hello to you Dís. Couldn't you even bother to say hello to your brother? Thank you for asking me how I am. I'm fine, by the way. How are you? You seem a bit sleepy still. Did I wake you up? Should have known better, in Erebor you slept until the middle of the day.'

I ignore everything he says. 'Frerin? W-what is it? Did Thror change his mind and do we have to work all day?'

Frerin rolls his eyes. 'Not even answering my question, hey? Well, no. But I have an idea so get dressed. We'll be out for a while. I'm going to get Thorin, hoping he opens the door.'

I open my mouth, but before I could say anything again, he turned around and ran to Thorins house. I give a deep sigh, Frerin having an idea was not always brilliant. I'm still having nightmares from his so called 'brilliant' idea to see who could climb the highest, and he almost fell. This wasn't going to be the quiet day I had imagined. But something about Frerin made me always want to take part of his ideas, how incredibly stupid they sometimes were.

I get back inside to change. It's a warm day, so I put on a thin dress and leave my coat and cloak. I'm not quite sure though Thorin wants to join. He isn't really as much an adventurer as Frerin is, and he had become way more serious since the fall of Erebor.

When I walk back outside I find Frerin sitting on a rock near Thorin's house.

I look at the door and back to Frerin. 'And, is he coming?' I ask him.

Frerin nods excitedly. 'It took a bit of persuading power, but as you know, I've got the lot of that.' He says with a grin on his face.

I roll my eyes and sit on the rock next to him. 'Yes, well, because you had one girlfriend in your whole life.'

'That's still more than Thorin or you.'

On that moment Thorin comes out the door, looking rather irritated. I bow to Frerin so I can whisper in his ear. 'And how exactly did you persuade him to come with you?' I whisper.

Another grin appears on his face when he whispers back. 'Otherwise I'll hide his sword.'

Rolling my eyes again, I look up at Thorin and stand up. 'Frerin, tell us. What did you had in mind?'

'You'll see.' Is the only thing he wants to say.

We follow Frerin although we have no idea where he is going. We both trust him with our lives, but still I hope that he's not going to think of any mad things. I also hope it's not too far away; it's still my day off. I look at Frerin and he seems pretty excited. I notice his sword but he didn't ask me to bring one so we weren't going to train. Well, of course I always have weapons with me, every dwarf has. Especially when they don't know where they are going.

Thorin tries to pull something out of his younger brother, but he keeps his mouth shut.

'Nevermind, Thorin.' I say. 'Dwarves are known for their stubbornness, so he really isn't going to say it. If he wanted it, he would have already said it.'

Apparently, Thorin sees reason in that and after a couple of questions who were answered with complete silence, he gave up with an irritated sigh.

'Oh, come Thorin,' I try to cheer him up. 'Wherever we are going, Frerin doesn't want to ruin his only day off either, so I'm sure it's going to be something fun.' I hope I sound more confident than I actually am.

Now Thorin also stops talking, so with a sigh I give up as well.

In the hurry I had to get to Frerin, I had forgotten to braid my hair, so I start working on that now. Because I only have one elastic, I make a lot of braids and simply, braid those with each other again and put them together. During that we walk through a sort of forest, and eventually after an hour (because that's how long it usually took for me to do these braids) we arrive on an open place. Hoping we finally are there, I ask Frerin, but he still doesn't give an answer. He just walks through, so I follow him. In the distance I can see a sort of mountain. Is that were we are going?

As it turns out: yes, we are going to the mountain. In fact, we're already there. I look around in this place; it's marvellous! 'Wow… Frerin, how did you find this? It's breathtaking!' I ask.

A smile fills Frerins face, and for the first time he speaks: 'I and some other dwarves were heading this way to deliver some swords to a nearby city. I saw this mountain on the way and asked the people who lived nearby about it. They said that no one lived there, because no one can survive here. They weren't interested in the mountain, they said. So I decided on the way back to take a look. But this isn't the best yet: wait until you see what's inside.'

I follow him to a curve and we go around a corner. There a small gap between the rocks and first I think it's impossible for anyone to go through that, but he goes around a corner again and the gap is suddenly twice as wide, and we through it. I look back to look at Thorin, and I can see him staring around, for some reason distrustful. But why, Frerin said there weren't people here, right? I follow Frerin deeper inside, and it's bloody dark. A moment later, I can't see a thing anymore, and I need to take his shoulders to know where he's going. How does Frerin know where he's going? Maybe he doesn't, but that's not my fault because he will be the first one to hit something since he's walking in front. I also feel a strong hand on my shoulder, knowing it's Thorin, following by his voice.

'Frerin, I can't see a thing in here!' he complains. I think he was about to say something else, but then suddenly the mountain was filled with light. Crystal light, to be precise. My eyes are getting bigger then that they ever were. Whole the sides of the mountain were filled with beautiful crystal. I gasp and look around in amazement. 'By Mahal, this place…'

'Be careful.' Frerin warns me. 'They're very pointy, dear sis. You don't want them to stick through you.'

I wasn't really paying much attention to him, until I almost scratch me to a out-pointing crystal and Frerin quickly pushes me out of the way. 'I thought it might be useful.' He says with a smile on his face. He looks at Thorin, and I follow his gaze. He looked amazed and still distrustful at the same time.

'And?' Frerin asks when Thorin still doesn't say anything. 'Is it useful? We maybe can deserve loads of money with this!' I agree with him, but Thorin shakes his head and the smiles on our faces faint a bit, especially Frerin's.

'I'm sorry, Frerin. But this is too dangerous, and we don't even have the tools too make something out of this, probably not even to get them of the walls. And we have to make something of it, because otherwise the people don't want it and we can't sell it. When we would have lived in Erebor it would be a great idea, because we would have the tools and we would have safety things. But we can't risk to lose dwarfs like this.'

Frerin looks a bit sad, and I quickly support him. 'But I can put those crystals in jewellery that I make.' I try.

Thorin looks at me now. 'Again, we don't have the tools for that. Even the best men tools couldn't do the work of the things we used back in Erebor, but we have almost the worst men tools, so we can't do anything.'

'But this is almost like a goldmine, Thorin! We can't just let that pass while we are labours, with not enough money to come around winters.' I almost yell at him.

But he simply hushes me, what surprises me, because that's not Thorin usually ever does, and mostly when people yell at him he only gets irritated and yells back. He never yelled at me though, but still.

'I know you both are trying to safe us, and that is the best you can do. But we just can't do it, do you understand?'

I look at Frerin, who seems to understand it, so I finally give in. 'Fine, then. But Frerin, this is the most amazing place, whatever Thorin says. Well, after Erebor than.'

He smiles and Thorin sighs. 'I never said that this wasn't an amazing place, because it is. I really appreciate you finding it Frerin, who knows what could have been here.'

That made Frerin seem a little more happier, and after some wondering around we walked out the mountain again. The sun who had now completely risen, I guess it's midday, is shining painfully in my eyes as I get out of the cave. From going to the absolute darkness to this light was painful for the head and blinding for the eyes. I cross my arm before my eyes, waiting for my eyes to adjust. When they finally do that, I look at the place that's lying before me.

On the way here I didn't really notice because I was paying so much attention to the mountain, but now I see this place, and it's also beautiful. Past the mountain there's a river crossing through grey stones. The river suddenly end, but I remember going up a hill, and guessing by the sound it must be a waterfall. When I walk to the edge, I can see I was right. The stones over there were dark where the water had hit it and nearby rocks were covered in moss.

My glare of amazement is interrupted by a strange sound. Thorin and Frerin both look at me at the same time with a frown. 'What? My stomach is hungry, I didn't eat since yesterday.' That was true, I was so busy getting dressed that I had forgotten to eat. I wasn't really hungry then, but now…

'Don't worry, I've got food over here.' Frerin says. 'I was expecting we would be here for quite a long while, so I made some food for us.'

I try to smile, but I've had experiences before with Frerin's cooking. And it wasn't really good. Not as bad as father though, if he made something I spit it back out again. But I'm really hungry and I don't want to disappoint him with saying no, so I head his way and sit down. The sun is shining directly on the ground, what made the stones very warm. It was clear this place was build by man, but they seem to have left this place, because I'm almost sure that if I scream now you could hear it miles away if that waterfall wasn't there.

Luckily, the food that Frerin hands over to me doesn't look to gross, so I eat it without complaining or pulling gross faces.

'So, you went here with those other dwarves?' Thorin suddenly asks Frerin.

'What other dwarves?' is his reply.

'You said you saw this mountain when you delivered some weapons here, and you went to the mountain on your way back. So I presume the other dwarves were here as well?'

Frerin turned slightly red and I know Thorin was trying to make him say this.

'No, actually, I asked if I could go already when they went to a bar.' He says carefully.

'Frerin, you know you can't walk that whole end alone, it's a damn long way and it could be dangerous, especially the last couple of months.'

'Yes, but-'

I roll my eyes when they start arguing and I interrupt Frerin when he says what seems to be his favourite word. 'Alright than, shut up, both of you. It's our day off and you two are behaving like toddlers. This is an amazing place, and if we're smart, we can do something here a bit more useful that arguing about something that happened in the past.'

Both my brothers seem to obey, to my big surprise. Usually they absolutely never listened to what I have to say. It's one of those miracles, I guess.

'Fine then, what do you suggest?' Thorin's tone still sounds like he doesn't agree.

'You don't want to play hide and seek anymore, ey? That's really not fair in an environment like this. And if someone finds me still playing that game I'll have to kill him.' Frerin adds.

I roll my eyes and take my sword out. 'I said something useful, Frerin. Like sword training.' I know it's still my day off, but I fancy a sword fight on this beautiful place.

'Alright, my deadly sister. Let the fight begin.' Frerin says while he stands up and takes his sword. I knew he would do it. He loves that sword almost more than he loves himself.

Remembering all the skills and tips that I have learned since I started with sword fighting I start the fight. It end also with me, laying on the ground with a sword against my throat.

'This is actually a perfect place to train, way better than in the woods I must say. Pity that it's such a long walk.' I say while I get up.

While I let Thorin and Frerin have their spectacular sword fight, I can't help but look around. Normally, I would always look at those two having a sword fight. But this place, I'm Frerin forever grateful for finding it. The beautiful stones, the mountain…

A scream escapes my throat when something suddenly hits me in the back and I'm pushed off the cliff into the waterfall.

* * *

><p>I hear Thorin scream my name, but all I can think about is that I'm going to die. With a final thought I catch for breath the moment before I fall into the water. But I don't die.<p>

Everything hurts when I fall in the water, but I manage to swim up again and as soon as my head is above the water I gasp for breath. The weight of water around me is crushing what makes breathing hard. I threaten to get back under water but I swim for to the bank.

I can't properly swim, but I know how to make it to a shore if it's just a couple of metres away. I hear my name being screamed again just above the noise of the waterfall, but it looks more important to me than first manage to get out of the water, safe on land. I cough up some water when my hand hit the bank and I pull myself up. My strength clearly seems to have lowered, but this I can manage. When I'm fully on shore, I look at the waterfall. It was quite high, so I'm surprised I still live. 'DÍS!' I remember the hysterical screaming of my brothers, who probably think I'm dead, and I quickly answer them. 'I'm fine! Don't worry, I'm completely fine!' I yell, but long not as hard as I usually did. I get up but before I get to the hill they're already running down, so I sit down again and wait for them to come over. I'm not running up that hill if they're coming for me, I think. Four hands suddenly touch my shoulders, face and hair. 'It's alright, I'm fine!' I say, but sadly they didn't seem to know the meaning of those words anymore.

'By Mahal, Dís, you're not dead. How are you, are you hurt? Did you bounce to a rock or-'

'For Mahal's sake, I said I'm fine! Don't worry, brother. I'm completely fine, I did not bounce against a rock or anything else, I'm still alive. I am certainly not hurt so that means I'm completely fine.' I say with a stern look that to both of them.

'And yes I'm sure!' I say when Thorin opens his mouth again, and indeed he shuts it after I say that.

'But you breath weird.' Frerin notices.

'The water crushed me, I almost couldn't breath. But I'm fine now, you need to catch some breath again.' I take the hand that's laying on my now even blacker hair and pinch it.

'Did someone kick me off the cliff?' I ask curiously. 'I felt something rather painful in my back when I turned to look the other way.'

They both look ashamed to each other and to the ground. Finallly, Thorin speaks.

'It was a single orc, who seemed to think he could take the three of us. And if you didn't scream, he probably could. I'm sorry Dís, we weren't looking after you at all.'

'Well duh, you were having a sword fight, I don't imagine you're looking at me then.' I say with rolling eyes.

'But we should have looked at you! You could have been killed, and we were just looking the other way!' Frerin protest and I can see tears welling in his eyes.

'But I'm alive, Frerin. It's not your fault, nor Thorin's. I was the one who was looking the other way, so it's my fault.' I give him a very wet hug, but he doesn't seem to care.

'Come, let's take you back before you catch a cold.' Thorin says while he helps me up.

'Catch a cold? Seriously, Thorin? It's really hot in here, I'm almost happy with this bath! I don't think any blanket will get me warmer than lying on the ground here in the sun. The ground is really warm.' I protest, I really don't want to leave this place.

'But we'll have to go back, there could be orcs attacking our settlement again.' He continues, not giving up his battle.

'It's an hour walking, and I'm tired! So by the time we arrive there, they are already gone. And I can't fight them after that long walk back, I'll be only in everybody's way. And I really want to stay here.' I don't want to give up my battle either.

Thorin seems to doubt, but Frerin helps me. 'She's right, Thorin.'

Thorin sighs for what seemed like the hundredth time today. 'Fine, but only for a short while so you can dry up and rest. Then we'll head back.'

I nod and say thank you, and go back up the hill again with help from my brothers. When I'm at the top, I see the dead body of the orc. Thorin sees me looking and quickly throws the orc over the edge. I walk a bit further away from it, and finally sit down to rest.

Thorin watches the place while Frerin tries to figure out a way to get me warm again a bit faster. 'Do you want to dance?' He suddenly asks. I look at him in amazement, and even Thorin looks back at us with a surprised face.

'To get you warm again.' He explains. I bite my lip and shrug. I know he is trying to cheer me up and to lower the tense a bit. 'Well, why not? I absolutely can't dance but you can't do that either and I want to be warm again so I don't care.'

Frerin chuckles, but he knows I'm right. He helps me off the ground and just dances.

I can't help to giggle, he is way better then I expected. His movements are reasonably smooth and I can't keep up with him. I don't know how it happens, but at one point I even dance with Thorin, which is another miracle on it's one. We don't do those boring slow dances, it's more like a dance Frerin quickly made up which involves a lot of jumping around and turning, to get me warm again. And very soon, I'm really warm again, but also really tired. After another jump I fall laughing into Frerin's arms again. 'You're a way better dancer than I expected you to be.' I admit. Frerin grins at that. 'Maybe we should go back now.' He says.

'What? No, I'm way to tired to walk!' It was true, but that's not the reason. I wan to stay here even longer.

'Yes, I know that you want to stay, but if we leave now we can get back home before dinner.' He says.

I sigh deeply and give this place another look. 'Fine.' I say in the same way as I did when I was ten years-old and I didn't get my way.

Thorin and Frerin both shake their heads and look at each other. 'Sisters.' They sigh at the same time.

* * *

><p>Six moths later:<p>

Last night it had been snowing, and now a few layers of snow covered everything. But, for the first time in six months, I had another day off! For six long months I had been working every single day, but now I finally had another free day. I already knew what I wanted to do, I just hope I could persuade my brothers, who also had their first free day off since a half year.

I knock on Frerin's door first, because there was a bigger change that he would come along than that Thorin would. He opens the door, with a sandwich in his hand.

'Dís? What is it?' he asks. Ah, apparently the sandwich is also in his mouth.

'Can you dress? Very quickly, please?'

Before he can say anything else I knock on Thorin's door. He opens the door later, what almost made me think he wasn't there. 'Get dressed and come outside, as quickly as you can.' I say. I have learned that with Thorin it was a matter of giving him orders, with Frerin it was a matter of asking. I can only hope now they are coming, so I sit on the same rock Frerin sat on and wait impatiently. I have the feeling they're not coming anymore, but I sit stern on my stone. Finally, they're both heading this way.

'Let me guess…' Frerin starts.

'I can already guess where we are going to.' Thorin says.

'Please, come with me, I beg you! You know I can't go alone there, but I really want to, ever since the moment I left that place.' I plead.

'Sister, honestly, you're obsessed with that place! Luckily for you I have nothing better to do today.' I sigh relieved and give Frerin a thankful nod. Then my pleading eyes look towards Thorin.

'Well, I can't be left behind, can I?' Thorin gives me a smile when he says that and I can almost jump in the air out of happiness. Somehow I know how to control myself and give another thankful nod. Then I turn around and start on the road to that beautiful place Frerin took us that long time ago.

I really have been desperate to see it again, I can't forget the beauty of it. The road takes about twenty minutes longer because of the heavy snow, but I don't care about that. All I want is going back to that place. I neither did care that I was almost killed there; that's even the last thing I remembered from that place.

When we finally arrive there, I breath in the cold fresh air and close my eyes, like I've been captured all that time and put in a small and dark cell without windows or air, while having claustrophobia, and finally I was set free. It really feels like I'm set free here. My brothers let me wander around a bit and look around, but I can feel how close they are to me. The strongest memory of this place was the one where they almost lost me.

I look around for a while and sit, looking at the amazing sky. Frerin is standing next to me and Thorin is a few steps away, with his back turned to us. I suddenly get a great idea. A Frerin-like great idea. I gather some snow between my hands and make a ball of it. Frerin notices it too late, and I fire the snowball at Thorin's head. Ha, I hit the target! Thorin immediately turns around, and I quickly look at the other way. When I hear Thorin grumble, I look at him with a questioning face. Frerin shakes his head in disbelief and pulls at my sleeve.

'Dís, you must look at this, this is-'

But he gets interrupted when I suddenly make an ough-sound.

A snowball hits my neck and this time I quickly turn around, watching Thorin looking surprised at me, the same way I just looked at him. I laugh and Frerin makes his own snowball. 'Fire!' he yells when he launches the snowball at Thorin. Right in the face!

I laugh again and I feel another snowball, this time against the side of my head. Frerin is looking at me with a grin on his face, until he receives two snowballs in his face and chest at the same time. I start making countless of snowballs during the whole day, building my own fort and launching snowballs at my two brothers.

When we leave, it's getting dark and a lot of fallen apart snowballs and three forts are left behind. But I won't leave this place behind, never. Even if I wanted though, I couldn't. So it's a good thing I don't want to forget this place. Neither will I ever forget this day with these two.

I shake my head, still laughing. 'Brothers.' I sigh.


	6. A bit of love can safe the day

**Just a bit of an extra chapther, because I wanted to really introduce Grodri, and next chapter will be the battle of Azanulbizar, so this is the second to last chapter with Frerin.**

**I'm not really sure if it's a good chapter, but I still think it's reasonable. I'm not really good at describing 'the faces' x'D  
>Also, the rules I took and changed a bit are from the books Warrior Cats.<strong>

**I hope you like it!**

* * *

><p><span>A bit of love can safe the day<span>

I stare at the words before me, with sleepy eyes. Learning Khûzdul wasn't easy, not even for dwarves. For other races it was probably almost impossible because they didn't grow up with it, and speaking the language inquired some sounds that they couldn't say. Of course, I can speak, read and write in Khûzdul, but this was an extra exercise for dwarves who were very skilled in their language. Thorin and Frerin weren't really good at it, but I on the other hand, although I'm years and years younger than they are, am really good at it. So my grandfather had insisted that I took al these extra lessons, so I could read, say and understand everything. But the ancient dwarf language, what was lying before my nose right now, was the hardest thing of the language. There are only a few people left in Middle-Earth who can speak the language, so it is almost forgotten. What meant that the instructions where really difficult to understand, what was irritating if you're trying to learn one of the earth's most difficult languages. I've been learning for hours now and my eyes get heavy.

Like someone knew it, there were a few knocks on the door. I rise from my seat and answer it.

To my big but not unpleasant surprise, I see my father standing before me. He never knocked on my door in all those years we have lived here. I remember my manners and give a small bow.

'Father, what is it?' I ask polite, meeting his tired eyes. I immediately feel stupid for getting tired from learning, because my father has to do things that are at least twice as much heavier.

'We have decided that we are going to use patrols to check the borders. There are too often orcs attacking our settlement and we need to stop that. Everyone will go on patrols as soon as they're old enough, until they are too old. You will take Frerin, Grodri and Dwalin with you. Be ready in ten minutes, then you'll leave.'

'Yes father. I will get them and then we'll go.' I say with a nod.

My father leaves and I quickly get my weapons. I think about Grodri, the dwarf who had saved my life some years ago. And young Dwalin, who was only twelve years younger than me. I'm a bit surprised he's going with us because he is still so young, but on the other hand, he scares the crap out of me sometimes.

When I've collected most of my weapons I put on my cloak and walk to the house next to mine, the one where Frerin lives. I knock on the door and tell him about father's plan, and we get the others.

We're already gathered within five minutes since the knocks on the door and we're ready to leave. Feeling a bit more awake again, I walk with the dwarves to our borders, ready to kill some orcs if they're hiding around here somewhere.

Grodri, who is Frerin's and Thorin's best friends, notices me looking around and checking behind every hill or bush.

'Don't look around so much, Dís. Orcs aren't that clever so we'll notice them at once if they're here. At least, we'll smile them at once.'

Frerin and Grodri chuckle, but I roll my eyes. 'Like you smell so perfect.'

'My sweat is the most wonderful thing you can smell, my Lady.' He replies.

This time Dwalin rolls his eyes, and I give Grodri a gross face.

Luckily he doesn't ask me to smell, and before I know it Frerin and Grodri are having another argument about whose sword is the best.

After a while, I also get bored, because there seem to be no orcs here at all. Dwalin takes the lead of the patrol, and suddenly I bump into him because I hadn't notice he stopped.

'What is it, Dwalin?' I ask, looking around, but my eyes don't find anything unusual.

'Listen,' he says. 'I can hear footsteps.'

I try to listen but the only thing I can hear is my brother's and his friend's argument.

'Shut up, you two.' I snarl. They look offended, but at least they're quiet.

'I can hear it now too. But where is it coming from?' I breath.

Frerin and Grodri also seem to notice something's wrong, and they listen as well.

'Over there.' Dwalin nods with his head to the right, and I look that way. Behind some trees and rocks it seems, there are walking orcs. When there is a little gap between two rocks, I can see them running behind them. Did they notice us? We were also a bit behind trees, but they could've heard us. I look at Frerin, who is the oldest of us, for his command.

He beckons and we shuffle forward until we are ahead of the orcs who are running behind the rocks on the other side.

'On my count of three.' Frerin whispers.

'One…' Dwalin picks up his hammers, I get my bow and arrow, and Frerin and Grodri are getting their swords.

'Two…' I already aim my bow on of the orcs. Indeed, I can already smell them.

'Three!' The three male dwarfs jump from behind the trees, and I fire my arrow, which pierces the temple of an orc. I hear battle cries from the dwarves, and before the orcs know it they're under attack. I fire another arrow what ends up in the stomach of another orc.

I run to the orcs while I take my sword as well, and slice them with a pleasant feeling into small pieces. I hear one who's running from the behind, but I'm already busy trying to kill the one in front of me. The rest is also busy with killing the other orcs, so I spit into the orc's eyes, what made him squeal and close his eyes for a moment, and in that moment I slice of his head. After that, I've got just enough time to turn around and stab the orc behind me in his chest.

I see some orcs running away again, but I don't let them escape. I get my bow and arrow again, and shoot all of them. I come to collect my arrows who are sticking out of their corpses, while I see one coming from the left. I get a knife out of my boot and throw it at the orc, the knife landing in his throat. I quickly look around for more, but they all seem slaughtered. Good, I think, while I run back to the others.

'That was smooth.' Grodri compliments me, pointing with his head at my knife, what I also had removed from the orc's dead body.

A little smile appears on my face and I give him a thankful nod. 'Thank you, mister Grodri.'

I look into his green-blue eyes, and he meets my gaze, looking into my deep and dark brown eyes.

'Alright, we've killed the pack, let's go on.' Dwalin says, and I quickly turn my head away.

I follow Frerin and Dwalin and don't look back to Grodri, feeling a bit ashamed that I was staring at him, and that I was somehow really happy with that compliment. Don't be stupid, I think. It was just a compliment.

The rest of the way past our borders, we find, see or hear nothing more unusual, and don't run into any other orc packs. Soon, we head back to the other dwarves to give a report.

When we come back, it's quite calm, probably because it's dinner time. We find Thraín, standing in the middle of the 'square' as he likes to call it. 'Any news?' he asks Frerin, and for some reason he found it interesting to tell every minute of our walk, from beginning to end. Because I have manners I wait with the others, although I'm hungry and thirsty and this is absolutely boring if you need to stand up straight and listen to a story about something you only just have done. I stop myself from sighing and listen to the story of Frerin, hoping he would hurry up a bit.

I suddenly notice that Grodri is trying to get my attention, and I look aside. I suddenly see him making weird faces and I bite on my lip, trying not to laugh. He obviously pretends to be his best friend, suddenly trying to look really serious and moving his lips in slow motion, the exact same words Frerin was saying now. He gets his sword, makes another weird face, and than, like he's gone mad, he is hugging his sword. It seems like he is pretending to be two persons, one obviously being Frerin (hugging his sword and saying his sword is the best) and than he gets his little hammer, saying that one is the best with an angry look. I quickly look to Dwalin, who is standing in front of me, but luckily he doesn't see it.

He holds up a finger and points at himself. 'Who's this?' his lips seem to say, but without a sound. He gives his stupidest looking face, while he bows, his hands are fold to fists and he is running circles like a maniac. A gorilla? No, wait, that's not very difficult. 'Orc.' My lips say, also soundless. He nods and gets up again, and points at me. Your turn.

I quickly think of something, and I get my bow from my back. I caress it with my one hand, while I sweep the others through my hair, standing on my toes to look taller and blink my eyes at my sweetest. He chuckles. 'Elf' I nod and it's his turn again. After he makes some funny faces again, and I really need to crush my teeth to not fall in laughter, Frerin finishes his story and turns around. I quickly try to look serious again but that's very hard, remembering Grodri's stupid faces. I bit on the inside of my cheeks, crush my teeth and try to do everything not to laugh.

'I'm going to find Thorin to inform him about this as well, I'll see you later.' Frerin says, nodding to me and Grodri. We both nod at the same time, and after Frerin and Dwalin both walked away and are out of hearing shot, I fall into laughter. Grodri immediately follows, shaking his head. 'He can make an reasonable exciting patrol into a boring story, telling every little detail. Except for his argument with me than, about who has got the best sword. It's clearly mine, by the way.'

'I'm not going to agree with that, if you don't mind. Frerin will kill me if he finds out I said that. Those faces, you really are an artist, aren't you?' I ask laughing.

'Alright than, but only because you've got a good reason and I don't want you dead. And if you say so, I'm a artist, princess. Since everyone is already eaten, shall we have dinner together?'

After all those lonely times of sitting by myself while eating, mostly while I'm working or learning, the thought of eating with someone else makes me feel relieved, somehow. But eating with Grodri, that seems both relieving and exciting at the same time. Oh Mahal, what's the matter with me?

'That would be lovely. But only if you don't call me princess! Or lady, just call me Dís, that's my name.'

'Lovely, do dwarves us that word? Alright than, Dís, but call me with my first name as well.'

'Apparently they do, Grodri.' I say with a smile.

* * *

><p>The next day, I'm talking to king Thror about the safety of the people here. He had heard that I had some ideas for this place, and he was right. He wanted to know what my ideas were, and I had made up some rules that could be useful perhaps, since those orcs were getting even more violent and they turned up more often.<p>

'Good work, Dís. Gather around the dwarves on the square outside, to tell them you rules. From now on, it will be our rules, approved by the king. If anyone starts complaining about that they aren't real, that's their problem, since I have written them down on this paper with mine and Thraín's signature beneath it. Go outside and tell them.'

I nod. 'Yes, my lord. I will see to it.' I bow and walk outside.

'Everyone, get outside for I have something to mention.' I yell, and the dwarves are slowly coming outside their houses. Ah, yes, that's true, I had forgotten that. It was very early, like six O'clock in the morning. When everyone is gathered around me I raise my voice.

'The king and I had a meeting this morning, and we made some rules who applies to everyone here. The king and his son both signed it on this paper; so please pay attention.

Defend this settlement and the dwarves here with your live, it's all we have.

Don't wander around on your own and don't go outside this settlement without permission of the king.

The elder dwarves and the young ones will be fed before the others if we don't have enough food.

Young dwarflings must be at least ten years old to start their training.

There will always be guards twenty-four hours a day.

We have patrols to check the borders if there are no orcs nearby.

The words of the king are the rules.

Don't kill other people if they are inside our borders, maybe they want to trade or have something important to tell.

If these rules are not obeyed, then he or she will be punished. That's all.' I end.

'And what will that punishment be?' a dwarf asks angrily.

I look to the dwarf who said it and raise my voice again so everyone can hear it.

'Your punishment will be chosen by the rule you didn't obey, and how much of it. The worst that can happen, is that we ban you.'

I receive a glare full of hate from the dwarf who asked the question, but I turn around and the people slowly move back to their houses again.

'Well done, sister.' I hear Thorin say from behind me. I turn around again and look at him.

'Really?' I ask with a slightly trembling voice. 'It was terrifying.' I admit.

'I know you find that terrifying, but I couldn't tell if I didn't know.' He says and pinches softly in my shoulder. The corners of my lips curl up, and I get a little more relaxed.

'But here's something you're not really going to like.' He continues. 'For some reason, father insists on having a portrait of you, Frerin and me. It's a tradition, ever since the dwarves have Erebor, that the children of the king will be on a portrait together. Since we don't longer live in Erebor, I didn't expect it to happen, but apparently father wants it.'

For a moment this makes me smile, because it sometimes feel father has forgotten me, but I know he hasn't. Will he hang the portrait in his room? I think. But than I suddenly realise something, why Thorin said I wasn't going to like this: this means that I had to sit still for hours, and I really can't do that! None of us can't, actually.

'Does Frerin already know this? But father knows none of us can sit still for hours! Frerin can't even sit still for some minutes!' I protest.

'Yes, Frerin knows it, and father knows it. I told him that, but he didn't really seem to care. So we'll have to go with it. It will only be a couple of hours.'

'Only? Only be a couple of HOURS?! Thorin, that's insane!' I whine.

'Yes, I know that. Now, let's go, I promised I'll get you to grandmother. She has made a dress for the portrait for you.'

When he said that, I let out a loud enough NOOOOO to make him put his hand over my mouth. My grandmother seemed to absolutely love it to make hundreds of dresses of me, but they were never comfortable, and what should I do with hundreds of dresses? I mean, she means it well and I really appreciate it, but what can I do with them? I can only wear one at the time.

Thorin pulls me with him, where a dress is already lying on a chair. I sigh and take it. It was a beautiful dress, though: The sleeves were round at the top, went tight immediately after it, and then they grew very wide and long. It had a white fur from my one shoulder, behind my neck to my other shoulder. The cleavage was a bit low, but that was a custom with dwarf dresses, and right under the chest it had a sort of silver belt and it went wider after that. There was a lot of white embroidery on the sleeves and the top of the dress. It had beautiful golden, red and brown colours. At least it's a magnificent dress, I think, and with a sigh I put it on.

I take all my braids out (luckily it weren't that much this time) and brush my hair again. I make a simple braid across the top of my head, and bind my hair together, except for two long strokes I place in front of me. My hair had grown longer than my grandfathers beard, which was actually quite amazing. Still, I don't like it and in my opinion I need a haircut. It was as black as Thorin's hair, but Frerin's hair was dark brown. That colour was the same as my eyes, but Thorin and Frerin shared the exact same eyes. So exact, it's almost creepy.

I also put on the jewellery what was lying there. I was a bit saddened by the fact that it aren't pieces I made myself, but nevertheless, they're beautiful as well. Some silver rings, matching the huge silver earrings and necklace. Finally, there's another custom thing for dwarf ladies: a jewellery, placing it on the top of the head.

When I'm ready, I go back to the others, seeing my two brothers already standing next to each other, ignoring the dwarf who seemed to be a painter. I suppress the feeling that I really want to run away now, and walk on. Frerin is the first one to notice me. 'ah, finally, we thought you'd never show up. We're waiting for almost twenty minutes!'

I make an irritated noise, giving him a sharp look. 'You try to put a dress you don't fit in and brush way to long hair that's full of tangles.'

The painter doesn't even offer us a seat, pushes us in a position he thinks is best, and starts painting. 'Don't move, don't talk, don't blink your eyes when I'm looking at you and stand up straight.' Is all he says.

'Excuse me, but how long is this going to take?' I ask, afraid of the answer.

'If we're going to do it like this it will take forever. If you listen to me, probably just an hour and a half.'

I give him an angry and frustrated look. '_Just _an hour and a half?! That _is _forever!'

Frerin starts to protest as well, what makes the painter even more cantankerous than he already was. Thorin, being the heir and knowing how to behave, pulls us back into our positions. 'Please, Frerin, Dís, don't argue anymore. He's right; that will only make it longer.'

I grumble and give him a angry look as well, but he doesn't seem to care. Standing still without moving or talking for an hour and half, that's idiotic! Still, if our ancestors could do it…

'Mister?' I ask. My question is followed by an enormous irritating sigh from the painter.

'What is it?' he asks with a tone so sharp, it could slice your head off.

'What if I have to go to the toilet?' I ask in an innocent tone.

'Do you have to go to the toilet, than?'

'No, not now. But what if I have to?'

'Than you hold it until I'm finished. Can I finally begin now?' the dwarf seems to get more and more angry, like he could throw his canvas at me if I ask another question. I'm sure he would.

'Yes, you can begin, mister.' I say, avoiding the where-was-that-all-about looks from my brothers.

After 3 quarters, I feel I really can't hold it any more. Well, Frerin lost his temper after only 15 minutes, so I'm doing pretty well I think. I really don't know how Thorin could possibly do this. And damnit, I now really needed to go to the toilet. I close my eyes for a moment, trying to think of a way how I can make it until the end without screaming and running away. And we're only half way there yet! I suddenly remember another thing. He said 'probably.' It was probably an hour and a half! Mahal, what if I'm standing here for hours?

Why couldn't I talk, by the way? If he starts at the bottom, I could talk in the beginning, couldn't I? But the dwarf kind of scares me with his short temper, so I don't even dare to ask it. When I open my eyes again, I see someone standing behind the painter. Who was it, was father taking a look? But no, it isn't father.

With a smile I see it's Grodri, eating a sandwich and looking at us. I suddenly remember that if I smile I'll get killed, so I quickly wipe it of my face. The short sparkle that was in my eyes when I saw him almost immediately disappeared, and Thorin nor the painter or Grodri saw it, but Frerin did. And from that moment, he knew what I later would find out.

But finally, after indeed one and a half hour (thank Mahal it didn't take any longer) the painter finished, and when he said so, I immediately bent down with a relieved sigh, stretching myself and let myself drop on the floor, making weird noises, just happy that I can talk and move again. I move my arms around a bit and close my eyes again, and when I open it's not Grodri but Frerin who I see. His face hangs above mine, looking rather pleased.

'What?' I ask.

'You look like a little child, Dís.' He says, but his eyes were laughing.

'I don't care, I am one!' I accept his hand and take it, and he pulls me back up.

'I seriously don't understand how you could last it, Frerin. I saw that after only fifteen minutes you wanted to jump around the room and scream.' I say confused.

'I don't know how I did it either, dear Dís. I'm just happy I did. And that the painter didn't kill me.' He admits, but not looking guilty at all.

'I had the exact same thought, my brother.' I chuckle, looking aside at Thorin who is talking to the painter. 'He must have such a boring life that this wasn't quite as difficult.' I say while I look back at Frerin. He places his forehead against mine. 'Who knows. Now, fancy some running around the place while screaming all the frustration out?' He offers.

* * *

><p>After doing what Frerin had suggested, being tired of running around, I sat down on a chair, too lazy to change my dress. I continued with my work, making jewellery, finished it before evening and now it was time to cook. I could do it quite well, but I hate cooking as well.<p>

But since I'm the first one who finishes work and the first one home, I made dinner for myself, my brothers and father. Luckily grandmother did it for herself and her husband. Normally everyone was still working when I brought it so I had to eat alone, but this time Frerin and Thorin were here on time. Early actually, since I haven't even finished. But that means eating with others during the evening two times on a row!

Frerin sneaks around the corner, looking into the frying pan at the food with a hungry and longing look on his face. 'Are you ready, dear dear dear sis? I'm starving!'

I nearly hit him in the face with a spoon, shooing him away. 'If I were ready I had already called you. Now move it! Or you can take the food to father, if you want it or not.'

'Well, father said once that a woman's place should be in the kitchen.' He says and places his hands on my shoulders, looking across my face to the food. 'For anyone who thinks that: remember, that's were the knives are.' Frerin grins and shakes his head, finally leaving the kitchen.

I pick up my bag full of beads, what I used for making jewellery. I turned around and suddenly bumped into Frerin again, the bag falls on the floor, beads rolling out of it all over the kitchen. 'I wanted to ask when it's going to be ready.' He says innocent.

'Frerin!'

'He, in these moments, just remember how much you love me and you'll forgive me.'

I grumble something, sigh highly irritated and start to pick up the beans.

'Are you going to help or not?' I ask him, but than I hear Thorin's voice coming from the other room.

'Frerin, can you help for a moment?' he yells.

'Sorry, I've got to go.' He says with a smile, seeing his change to escape.

'Lucky for you.' I mumble.

But he's absolutely right, I love him despite everything so much and I already had forgave him.


	7. Battle of Azanulbizar

**Here it is... the battle of Azanulbizar!  
>I decided to do it the way Peter Jackson does it in the movie, because (sorry) they all die at once and that's a bit easier.<br>So rights also belong to Sir Peter Jackson.****Because I read some fanfiction where Frerin dies, I needed to add that as well. I feel so sorry for everyone, I've really grown to absolutely love Frerin! I'm so sorry for killing him. Maybe I'll add flashbacks in the future just to write about Frerin again.**

**Thanks again for the reviews, they really make my day in a way nothing else does!  
>For some reason I can only see them days after they are post, sometimes a week, but I really love reading them! <strong>

**So... Hope you like it =D**

* * *

><p><span>Battle of Azanulbizar:<br>'NO! NO YOU CAN'T! YOU'RE NOT GOING TO DO THAT!' I yell angry at my father, my eyes spitting fire. 'That is madness, a suicide mission!' I scream, ignoring the others who tried to calm me down. 'Dís…' I feel a hand on my shoulder and I turn around like it was a sword and smack the hand away. The owner of the hand looks confused, since I never was like this. But this time it was really necessary. 'No, you should be helping me getting this completely idiotic plan out of father's head, instead of going with him!' I snap to my oldest brother.

'It's 'not an idiotic plan, Dís. Imagine, if we succeed! We can live in glory again, we don't will get attacked weekly by orcs, no one will die of hunger or the cold, dwarves will multiply again, we'll have a kingdom, we'll survive!' Thorin says for what feels like the hundredth time this day.

My father and grandfather had the insane idea of going to Moria, trying to reclaim the dwarf kingdom. But if they were paying attention, they knew the place would be crawling with orcs. They say that 'it wouldn't be too many' and 'if we have all the dwarves who can fight we can beat them' but I don't believe them. How could they possibly know how many orcs were there, how many deaths it will take before having the kingdom again?

So I shake my head, trying to bring sense to their minds, but they don't want to listen to me. Well, I don't want to listen to them either! I don't want to lose the only thing I've got left; friends and family. But my father, grandfather and brothers both are planning to go, and I have the feeling that my attempts to bring sense to their minds, don't help at all.

'And what if you don't succeed, hm? What than? You'll all be dead, the ones who stay here will grow weaker and eventually we're all going to die. Is that want you want? No, of course not! So why risking it? Listen to me, YOU CAN'T GO!' I protest, looking furious at each dwarf, challenging them to speak against me. Then someone did.

'Young lady, you are not the king! Thror decides what we'll do, not you. What you're doing is no use at all, and if you don't shut your mouth, you will learn to! Don't talk to this to your elders, especially not to us! Go back to your home and we _will _be leaving tomorrow, so I would like if you make sure that everything's ready when we're leaving. If you want to help, you can make food for us for on our way. While we are gone, your grandmother has the lead over our people, so listen to everything she says and obey her.' My father says with a very firm voice, where others might have nodded now and quickly crawled away, feeling ashamed and a bit scared.

But I growl a bit like I'm a bear, being even more furious than before? What is the most angry you can get? Well, whatever the word for that is, it's very appropriate for me now.

'I'm NOT going to help, at all! If you're so very keen on killing yourself, fine, go on! But why do my brothers have to go, hm? Why do you pull all this dwarves with you to your and grandpa's suicidal mission? We have lived here for a long time now, so what's suddenly so wrong with it that you need to go somewhere else?'

My father, who was now also really getting angry, took my wrist and looked at me with a stern look. 'I don't pull anyone in here when they don't want to fight. But don't you see, Dís? Everyone here wants to fight, fighting for a new place where we can live in peace again! It's been twenty-nine years since Smaug took over Erebor, and how many dwarves have died in those years? We need to move, Dís, if you want it or not. And we'll have to fight for a place, it's not like you can buy one and that's it. You won't live your whole live with selling jewellery. Now, go away, or I'll let someone take you away.' He finished, releasing the strong grip on my wrist.

Everyone seemed to think that I was going to step away, but don't they even know their own race, how incredibly stubborn we are? I'm a master of being stubborn, even amongst dwarves, so I won't let this just simply happen. In a furious moment, I slap my father in his face before he can step back. He makes an outraged and painful, but also surprised sound and I immediately feel two pair of arms grabbing mine, quickly pulling me back from our father. 'Dis, what are you doing?' I hear Thorin sizzle, pulling my quite far back. I look at Frerin, who was still holding my arm with a shocked look on his face. He couldn't possibly imagine that his young little sister would do that. But that young little sister had grown older, and with every year she had grown she had become more dangerous and more violent, living in a place where orcs were attacking was getting a monthly, almost weekly thing.

'Okay, maybe I wasn't supposed to do that, but he won't listen to me!' I snarl. I really wasn't suppose to do that, it just happened before I thought about it. Still, I don't feel guilty at all, even secretly pleased with myself.

But Thorin shook his head, gave my an angry look and pulled me into Frerin's arms. 'Don't let her go.' He mumbled to his brother, who hold me with another firm grip.

'I'm not a dog, I won't run away if you release me.' I snarl again, being quite pissed off with his stupid sentence. My brother helps my father, looking at the red place on his head. I was quite expecting my father to be really angry, maybe even slapping me back – but to everyone's surprise, he said: 'That was quite a good hit, Dís. Do you want to come along with us?'

My mouth drops open in surprise, and I stop struggling to get out of Frerin's arms. 'Wait, what?'

'Father?' Thorin asks a bit concerned, like my slap has given him brain damage. But it's probably just the usual reaction of a male when he's being slapped in the face.

'Well, okay, you really shouldn't have done that, but that was really good.' He says, looking at all the surprised faces.

'NO, of course I don't want to come along, and I couldn't because you're not going!' I scream, struggling myself out of my brothers grip.

The stern look on my father's face returned. 'Dís, listen to me! We are going, and I don't want any word against it! If we die, then we'll die, and that's our choice to make, not yours!'

Hearing those words, I shake my head. 'You are so selfish, you can only think about yourself. Don't you know what will happen if any of you dies? Do you think that family and friends can just get on with their live, while half of their family, maybe everyone, is murdered?' My voice turned softer while I give the real reason that I don't want them to go. Of course I want to leave this place and go to somewhere it's better, but what will the price of that freedom be? I run away before anyone can answer, pushing open the door of my fathers house, where I was summoned to about an hour ago. I have less and less hope that I can get this mad idea out of their head. Can't they just see, I simply don't want them to die! None of them, not father, not grandfather, not my brothers. The couple of friends that I have.

My heart suddenly stops a moment when my mind says the word 'friends.' Dear god, he wasn't going, was he? No, please, Mahal no… I change direction and run to a house the other way, and slam with my flat hand on the door, until someone with a shocked face opens it, a sword in his hand. 'What is it, are we being invaded, is someone dying?'

I don't answer his questions but take both his shoulders to get his full attention, looking into his blue-green eyes. 'Tell me you're not going with the others to reclaim Moria.' My voice trembles as I stare hopefully into his eyes. He returns my gaze with a confused look.

'Dís, what are you talking about?' he asks, pulling me into his house and shutting the door behind him, placing his sword in the corner. 'My father is planning to reclaim Moria with a bunch of other warriors, my brothers and grandfather. I tried to talk it out of their crazy minds but they just won't listen! Oh, Grodri, please tell me you're not going as well!' I beg.

'Easy-'

'You look like Thorin, I'm not a fricking dog!'

'Sorry. But I haven't heard about this plan, is Thraín choosing dwarves to come along with him or does everybody have to go who can fight?' He asks with a slight concern in his face.

I shrug. 'He said to me that only warriors are going if they want to go, but maybe he just said that to ease me, because I was kind of really angry. Maybe a bit furious.'

Grodri can't help to chuckle. 'Well, no, I'm not planning to go. If I can, I'll stay here, but if I'm asked I definitely will be going.'

My heart finally seems to beat again and I sigh relieved, throwing my arms around his neck.

Thank Mahal, I think when I step back. 'Can you please help me to get this insane idea out of their minds, Grodri? Thorin and Frerin are both going, and it's a suicidal mission.'

But to my big surprise, Grodri shakes his head. 'I'm sorry Dís, but I don't think I can do much. And don't you want to live somewhere else?'

I make another irritated noise. 'Men, you're all the same! Why do you all think that I don't want to live somewhere else! Of course I do, but I don't want any of you to die for that, than I'd rather stay here!' I shake my head, knowing that I'm in a lost case. They'll be walking to their own deaths.

* * *

><p>They next day, I'm woken up by the noises of dwarves who are planning to leave. I quickly put on a dress and go outside, don't even bother to brush or braid my hair. It's still very early, but the place is full of dwarves. I try to find my brothers, but I can't see them anywhere. I bump into Gloín, surprised to see the young warrior. 'Are you coming along as well?' He nods with excitement. He was so young, I think. How could he possibly survive it? I shake that thought out of my head, continuing the search. I can only find my father, sadly.<p>

I walk up to him, keeping my face straight. I try to speak before he can, but he is faster.

'Ah, Dís! So nice to see you again. Are you coming to say goodbye? It won't be for forever, I hope. I don't think so. The dwarves from Erebor whom we left behind on the road, who were going their own way, have been summoned as well and will also take place in this fight. That means our number is way larger, what of course means we have more change.'

I crush my teeth together not to say anything mean, and give him just an angry look. 'Where are Thorin and Frerin? I can't find them.'

'They're over there.' He points and I can see them in the distance. 'Aren't you going to say goodbye?' he asks when I had already turned around, walking towards my brothers.

'Goodbye.' I say without stopping or looking back.

I walk towards my brothers, who just said goodbye to some other dwarves. No, saying goodbye isn't the right term. Than it's like they're really are going to die, and there still was that very small, hopeless change that they weren't going to die. Grandfather and father had so much experience, and Thorin and Frerin were still so young and fit. But with less experience, an annoying voice in my mind reminds me. I shake my head to get it clear, and approach them.

'Thorin.' I say with a little nod. 'Frerin.' I say, doing the same thing. It was weird, like yesterday never happened but I usually never was really polite to my brothers. Not like this, anyway. 'Dís.' They say at the same time, giving also a nod. I move my arms around a little and shrug. 'Well, I hope this isn't goodbye forever, than.' The tension there is feels horrible, especially because this might be the last time I seen them.

'I hope so. Goodbye, Dís.' Thorin answers. I nod again, looking at Frerin.

He doesn't look at all pleased with the tension, like he's trying to break it with staring. It makes me feel even more down, and when I look back at Thorin, he's looking the same way at me. Like there's a telepathic connection between the three of us, we give each other at the same time a comforting hug. I swing one arm around Thorin's neck, the other around Frerin's, while they catch me up and bury their heads in my shoulders and hair. I finally feel for the first time since I lived here that I can let it go. The first time since we live here, I cry again. I cry for my brothers, hoping that they would make it alive. I bury my head between there two shoulders, sniffing up their familiar scent, while my shoulders shock, and my arms won't let them go. 'Please come back, alive. I'm begging the both of you. I know you can't promise. But try, try it for me.' I whisper. Because of all the events that had happened, we were so much closer than other brothers and sisters. And I'm very glad about that. I break the hug, step back, and quickly dry my tears before anyone else but my brothers notice it.

'We'll do everything we can. We're also doing this for you, Dís. So that you can live a happy life with someone one day.' I nod. Of course I know that, still I don't want them to leave. 'Hey.' Frerin lifts up my chin so we look each other in the eyes. 'Don't weep to much while we're gone, okay? Big sister.'

A sad smile crosses my face. He knows me too well. And this is the first time he called me a big sister. He probably found out yesterday, when I slapped father.

I take two small bags out of my dress, giving one to Thorin and one to Frerin. 'I made some food for you. Don't tell father, please.' They both chuckle and take the bags.

'I love you, Dís.' Frerin says and kisses my forehead. 'Love you too.' I say, sounding like a ten year-old. I turn to Thorin. 'I love you too.' I say and he kisses me on the forehead as well. 'And I love you.' They both give me a sad smile. Another final hug, and before I know it they're walking with the others out of the settlement. I walk with them a bit and keep waving until they're completely out of sight, so far away. I've never been so far away from them, so close we were. No, so we _are. _Even if they die, they'll be just as close with me as before, not physical but for the rest in every possible way. But I pray to Mahal, to let them all return to me.

I hobble back to the others, looking around. The atmosphere was saddened and it feels gray. Well, if you could colour it, I guess it would be gray. I see my grandmother standing on the side, now having the control of the dwarves who are left behind. She had just said goodbye to her husband and son. Somehow I always forget that my father is her son. It would terrify me to see my son or husband go to battle, with a very big change never seeing him return. The thought scares me and I try to shake it of, but somehow it stays with me. Feeling left alone, I walk around a bit, and finally head to grandma. 'Is there something I can do, grandmother?' I ask politely after a small bow. As usual, my grandmother isn't crying and it doesn't look like she had. 'No, there's nothing you can do Dís. It's still early, but start with your work. The people who made the most money went away, but they don't cost the most, so we have to work extra.'

'Of course, grandmother. I'll start immediately.' I promise. I haven't eaten yet, but I'm not at all hungry. I feel more like I want to vomit. How long would they be gone? Will I ever see them again? All these horrible questions won't get out of my mind, so I work as hard as I can. It doesn't help.

* * *

><p>The month that they were away, I led a quite lonely existence. They were some people who were sometimes offering if they could do something for me, but I always rejected it. I don't want any company, just being alone. Maybe I'll have to spend the rest of my life like this, if they don't return. I did everything my grandmother asked of me. I felt sorry for her, and I also needed to be as busy as I could, trying to forget everything. It wasn't easy, but if I was focusing on something else it was easier to forget it. So I worked eleven hours a day, almost non-stop. I also hoped that I would be more tired, because otherwise I just simply couldn't catch sleep. The disadvantage was only that if I had a nightmare, I couldn't sleep anymore and that meant I was bloody tired the rest of the day. I never visited anyone, except for my grandmother if she needed something. All that time, I was just looking forward to the day that they would return. The only problem is that I didn't know if they would return, and that made it even more horrible.<p>

* * *

><p>'NO!' Thorin screams, running as fast as he could to the body he saw lying in the distance; even underneath all the mud and blood he could recognize that one person that way lying there, and seeing him like that it was breaking his heart. Another fearful scream came from him when he was kneeling next to the body. 'Frerin? Frerin, please, don't let it be true!' His voice was fearful, even after all that he had seen tonight. His grandfather is beheaded, his father has disappeared, and now his brother was lying at his knees. Dead?<p>

But Frerin moved and he groaned painfully. He gasped for breath. 'Thorin? Are you alright?'

'Frerin, you live! Please, don't talk, you'll only make yourself tired. I'll get someone and- ' Thorin was interrupted by a weak and shore laugh from his younger brother.

'Seriously, Thorin. We both know that I'm not going to make it.' His face turned a bit sad and serious.

'Don't say that, Frerin! I won't let you go.'

Frerin shakes his head. 'You'll have to, Thorin. Remember, don't be selfish. You know who will be devastated if you're not going to be strong. Please, tell me you're alright. That's all I want to know right now, that you're okay. I'll go in peace, than. But don't lie to me! I know when you're lying, Thorin. I'm your brother, and I certainly will know it.'

'Of course you'll know that. But I'm reasonable, nothing than can't be healed. I hope so.' Thorin confesses. 'But I really don't want to let you go, Frerin!' he feels so guilty, his little brother was dying while he promised at his birth to protect him with his live. He has failed in that, and he can't forgive himself for that.

'I know you don't, and if it was the other way around I wouldn't let you go. But you _need_ to let me go, Thorin. I know you blame yourself, but this is _not_ your fault, do you hear me? Do you _understand_ me as well, Thorin? I don't want to die if you will blame the rest of your live for it, for something you couldn't do anything about. Please promise me, and than I can really go in peace.'

Thorin hesitates, but he knows his little brother is right. He's always right, and the tears were streaming from his face like a waterfall. 'I promise, little brother. But I also promised to protect you with my life when you were born.'

Frerin lifts his hand, and Thorin takes it in his. 'I know, Thorin. You told me a thousand times. But that can't be promised. This can.' A smile is on his face but it quickly disappears when heavy coughs made him spit out blood. 'You're the best big brother in the world, you know that?' he says faintly before his eyes get to heavy and close. Frerin really means it, because he couldn't imagine a life without Thorin as his bigger brother, holding him when he was just a baby, having the sword fights with him that his sweet little sister loves so much. He would never forget the smiles on their faces.

Thorin takes his brother's dead body in his arms, crying and crying, wondering why he hadn't run out of tears yet, and than he cried some more.

* * *

><p>Finally, one day, an answer came on that question. And the answer turned out to be: Only one of them would return. One whose live would never be the same, and he was about to change the life of another.<p>

With a sigh I stand up. It's already been half past seven, and I have just finished dinner, and was about to continue with making a beautiful necklace, when someone was knocking on the door. It were slow, hard knocks. Hearing them, it made my heart jump up a little, but that couldn't be. Standing before the door, I breath deep in and out a couple of times before I open the door. It's already dark but the face of the person standing before the door was very visible because of the lamp that was hanging on the side of the small grey house.

My heart starts beating fast when I look at the person, could this be true? I was so overwhelmed, especially when I see it's really him and that I'm not dreaming, that I don't see the sadness in his face that any other person would have seen, and I too if I looked a bit closer. But I let myself fall into his arm, and (luckily) he catches me, holding onto me close like I'm his lifeline. 'Thorin… thank Mahal, it's really you! You're alive and here, with me, holding me!' I sniff, pushing him as close to me as I can, still not believing that he's real, and that I could lose him any moment if I'd let him go. But he breaks the embrace and takes both his hands in mine. 'Where are the others?' I wonder with a small smile on my face.

'Are they coming here as well, Thorin? Otherwise you should really come inside, it's cold here.' I push him already inside, but don't close the door yet.

'Dís…' I immediately freeze. I've never heard in my life such an dead tone before. I meet his eyes with a scared and afraid look. I now immediately notice the intense sadness on his face, unmistakable. I don't know if my heart stops pounding or goes faster, but I'm sure it's standing still when he speak these words. 'They're all dead. They have fallen. We're the only ones left.'

I shake my head in disbelief, suddenly getting dizzy from breathing so loud and fast. 'No, no it can't be! Grandfather, father… Frerin!'

Tears strike down Thorin's face, and this is the first time in my life that I see him crying. And it's given me a horrible feeling. Thorin wouldn't cry if it wouldn't be true…

'No!' I squeal, grasping his arms, hoping, wishing it isn't true. But I know it is. I feel the tears running freely down my face now, making weird crying noises as I sank down to the floor, Thorin following not so much later. I think about all of them, but it's Frerin, my adorable, funny, sweet, helpful, and strong brother. I look at Thorin, and seeing him broken was more than I could take. I crawl against him, trying to dry my face, but that isn't very useful when the tears are still pouring down your face. But I know the amazing band there was between my two brothers, and I need to be strong for my brother, as he had been strong for me. Like he did with me sometimes, I stroke the hair out of his face, and place my forehead against his. I try not to cry, but I can't possibly control it anymore. All those lessons trying not to cry have been a complete waste, as I'm crying so much now that together with Thorin we could foresee every dwarf with enough water, if you could drink tears. Here we are; a broken king and princess, unable to do anything else but cry.

Mahal knows how long we were crying there, until sleep caught both of us and fall into a restless sleep, full of nightmares that were scarier than all the orc attacks on our settlement together.

Daylight shines through my closed eyelids and noise fills my ears. I hear people talking, screaming and also crying. Reality hits me in a fraction of a second, and my heart drops. I blink my eyes a couple of times to get a clear sight again. I can feel my face is really very wet, and my head is resting on my only brother's shoulder. I groan and look where the daylight is coming from: Ah yes, I haven't closed the door yesterday because I was too busy with crying. I'm lying in the hallway, and I feel again that I'm trying not to cry. I stand up and look at Thorin. He's still sleeping, and his face is as wet as mine. I stand in the doorway, looking at the dwarves. There were wounded dwarves, crying dwarves, broken dwarves, sleeping dwarves and dwarves who seem to stare into the distance and ignore everything. How must we go on now? The horrible feeling inside of me grows with the second. Cold daylight falls upon my face and I turn around again, closing the door behind me. Thorin was just scrabbling onto his feet. We both look at each other with dead faces. I just heard someone from outside screaming that they did won, but nobody seems to care about it. They're to weak to travel, so one small attack and it's done with everyone.

We walk to the kitchen, both taking a seat at the table. I'm still not hungry, and I'm sure Thorin neither is. 'Do you want something to drink?' is the first thing I say, although I hate myself for saying it. It makes it look like it's a normal everyday-day, but it most certainly isn't. Thorin shakes his head, and we fall silent for some minutes.

'I buried him. Everyone one else was put on a pyre because it were so many, but I just couldn't do that, so I secretly buried him. It was the least nasty looking place, so I thought it was okay.'

I nod, but when I try to smile it only makes my almost-crying. 'It's good you did that. I'm happy you did that.' I say.

The silence falls again until I stand up. 'Maybe I can help the wounded. Are you alright with that?' I ask, and when he nods I fetch a box with bandages, and leave the house.

I help as many wounded dwarves as I can. Thorin was wounded as well, but it seemed like they already had been taken care of before they left. But some kept going open, so I tried to do as much as I could, although I didn't really know much about it, I've helped before with these sort of things and I was starting to get the hang of it.

When I'm finished I walk to someone's house, hoping everything is alright there. And I had some horrible news to tell him about his best friend. I knock on the door, a lot easier than last time, and I look at the dwarf who opens the door. Unfortunately, the dwarf looks sad. 'Who?' I asked with a thick throat.

'My father.' He answers. 'How about your family.'

'The king, his son…. And Frerin.' I look into his shocked eyes. 'Thorin did everything he could, but they have fallen. He's now the king.'

But all he could whisper was his best friend's name. 'Frerin, no. Dís, I'm so sorry.' His eyes are getting watery, and before I know it the tears are streaming down my face again. He pulls me into an embrace and tries to hush me and my shocking shoulders.

'I'm so sorry, Dís. I feel for you.'

'And I feel for you.' I answer. 'But I don't want to live like this anymore, why do they have to die, Grodri, why?' I ask with pleading eyes, like he could bring them back.

'Dís, I don't know why. But please don't stop living. I know, you're not exactly saying it, but still. You'll have to be strong.'

'I don't want to be strong! I want to sit in dark hole and cry for the rest of my live, hoping it would not take to long for it's end.'

Grodri places his hand on my shoulders with a firm grip, almost shaking me. Which is almost good, because I'm so dizzy that I feel like I'm going to faint.

'Dís, don't say that! Listen to me. You'll have to be strong, for Frerin. He's in the Halls of Waiting with Mahal now, and he looks down at you. If you would have died there, would you want you brothers to give up their live, that they keep crying until they can't do it anymore? That they bend and break? No, you wouldn't want that. And I know Frerin. And he doesn't want you to give up you life. He wants that you and Thorin continue with their live. For Frerin and for yourselves.'

I look at him in amazement, knowing he's absolutely right. Damn, he's clever.

I quickly turn around and run to my home.

'Dís?!' he yells in concern. 'Where are you going?'

'I need to tell Thorin that!'

Grodri keeps staring to me with a look of surprise on his face.


	8. Moving out

**Another chapter! Following by the appendices, the dwarves go wandering and finally settle down in Eriador.  
>This is the first part of it, I hope you enjoy it!<strong>

**Like the most of the time, I've got already ideas for the next chapter.**

**Please take time to review =)  
>And if you got also a story which contains Dís, I'd love to read it (as long as it's in English or Dutch :p)<strong>

* * *

><p><span>Moving out<span>

The cold daylight shines through the windows of the small house made out of grey stone. Inside, there were two dwarves holding each others hands with a firm grip, grieving about the siblings they had lost in the battle against the orcs, hoping to reclaim a homeland. But the hope was bitter, and although they had won, they couldn't live there for enough reasons. 

I finish my story I was telling to Thorin, the story that Grodri had just told me some minutes ago. I wanted, I needed to be there for Thorin. We were both as close to Frerin as we possibly could, but I didn't see him die, I didn't have any reason to blame myself. Thorin shouldn't blame himself, everybody seems to know that except for himself. He tried not to because Frerin had told him so, but he felt so guilty that it feels like someone ripped my heart out and torn it into a million miserable pieces. Thinking about Frerin makes me cry, but seeing Thorin makes me also cry. And he saw a big white, horrible orc slice our grandfathers head off. He took revenge, yes, but still it doesn't help comforting me. And on top of all that, father was missing. They didn't know if he was killed or just simply gone, taken away by orcs, or that he had run off by himself after he saw his own fathers head without the rest of its body. They had spent a day looking for him, but they were not safe over there and they needed to come back home as quickly as they could. Now they were back, but things weren't exactly better.

'Thorin?' I ask, wondering if he even had listened. All the time he had just stared past me, his mind being totally somewhere else. When he doesn't answer, I sigh and say his name again, with a harder tone. He usually listened than.

Like I had smacked him in the face, he looks up at me, staring into my eyes. 'Have you heard anything that I said the past minute or were you just staring into the distance?'

He doesn't answer that question, but I can see from the look of his face that it was the last. Still, I don't blame him and start my story again. 'I had just been to Grodri to ask him how he was, and he gave me – us – some helpful advice. He said that we needed to be strong for Frerin, because he wouldn't want that we give up our lives just to cry about him, to always live in the past. He always wanted us to be happy, right? That was almost like he life goal, making us happy and make sure we would stay happy for the rest of our lives. Well, he isn't going to be here for the rest of our lives anymore, how much I regret that, how much I wish I could turn that around. But we must still honour that, to honour him. Do you see what I mean?'

This time, he luckily had been listening and slowly nods. 'Frerin also said something like that before he died.' _In his arms, _I think sadly. Something like that should happen to no one. Still it did, no matter how much I wish I could turn that around.

'But it's easier to say than actually do it, Dís.' He continues, giving me that horribly sad look again what makes my heart drop and fall apart.

'I know, but we must try at least, shouldn't we? For Frerin.' I beg, my grieving eyes looking into his miserable looking eyes. I'm waiting hopefully for a reply, but I'm starting to think that there isn't coming one. When I lose all the hope, he softly whispers. 'For Frerin.'

I walk across the table to give him a warm and comforting embrace, but my soul is to saddened and weakened to give him a smile. He needs one, but how much I tried I just couldn't. It's making me look more sad, so I give up my attempts and just bury my face in his black hair. I feel a warm hand on my back, and I could stay like this for another while, but someone knocks on the door and I break the embrace, rushing through the door. Before me is standing Balin, also with a sad face. I remember his father is also killed in battle, and I feel sorry for him and his younger brother Dwalin.

'Hello, mister Balin. I heard about your father, my condolences. Do you want me to get Thorin?' I ask politely.

'Hallo, princess Dís. Thank you, my condolences to you as well. If you could get him, that would be very nice indeed.' He says after he made a little bow. I always seem to forget that I'm actually a princess, especially now. Princesses shouldn't fall down and break with just one look someone gave to her, how sad that one might be, my grandmother told me. I suddenly realize that I need to visit her as well, after losing her husband and son.

I suddenly remember that I was in the middle of a conversation, and my attention is back to Balin. 'Maybe you can better get in. I'll make some tea for you meanwhile.' I say and step aside to let him pass. 'Oh and please, call me just Dís.' Frerin used to hate it when someone called him with his title.

'That's very kind of you, Dís. You can call me Balin as well.' He answers when he walk inside and gives me another grateful nod.

I close the door and walk into the kitchen, followed by Balin. Well, when I say kitchen, it's actually just a tiny place where I can cook and sit, connected to the living room. 'Thorin, Balin is here for you.' I announce while I walk past him, quickly laying a hand on his shoulder.

I try to listen to the conversation between them while I'm making Balin's tea, but my mind just wanders off. It goes to all sort of memories, some real and some made up. I see my parents taking care of me while I was sick, grandfather tossing me in the air once and catching me, Frerin giving a twenty-minutes long speech about why his sword is the best in the world. They're all real. But I also see Frerin lying dead and covered with blood, eyelids closed. My mother burning in dragon fire, my grandfathers head being tossed around, father being tortured by orcs. I haven't seen any of those thing, but still it's probably real and it makes me feeling more sick than a fever.

'Are you alright, Dís?' I hear Balin's voice interrupting my thoughts. I look aside, where he and Thorin look at me in slight concern. 'Yes.' I lie. 'Your tea is ready.' I say and walk up to him, putting the glass on the table. He gives me another nod and they continue talking. I take a seat on the couch in the living room, my mind wandering off again for a while.

'Thank you for the tea, Dís.' I look aside again and see Balin standing ready to leave.

'Any time, Balin.' I reply and watch him leave.

When I hear the door close again, I look at Thorin. He had been distracted, but they were probably talking about the battle because he looks still sad. 'What were you two talking about?' I ask, hoping that he wouldn't say that I should have listened than. Fortunately he doesn't.

'We were talking about the wounded and our father. If Thraín is still alive, he's the king now. But we don't know if he's still alive, and if he is, we have not the slightest clue where he could be. We have spent a day looking for him around Moria, where he should be. But he wasn't there. I ordered Balin to set out healthy dwarves that can go looking for him. I'll join him in a minute.'

I immediately stand up, walking towards him. 'You can't do that!'

'Why not?' he looks at me with proper confusion; the dwarf doesn't even know!

'Because, you said 'healthy' dwarves, and you aren't exactly healthy, are you?' That's true of course, but I don't want to mention the main reason, where he's unable to go on the search because he's still to much in his grief, and I'm afraid he wouldn't be focusing enough and when they're attacked by orcs they're dead.

'Dís, I'm in charge of what I do. I know you mean well, but we need to go looking for father. And yes, we need to do that now, _right now, _because any moment could be too late.' Like he realised that while saying it, he stood up and made himself ready to leave.

I know I couldn't stop him so I just watch him. Still, I couldn't help to give one other try. 'Can't someone else go instead of you?' I mumble.

A very weak but genuine smile almost crosses his face, but he can do it as much as I do. 'No, Dís, no one can't. I need to go. While father is gone, I'm in the lead so I have to search for the possible king. And, it's my father. I don't want to lose another family member.'

'Me neither.' I admit, but I'm really not happy about this.

I walk with him to the door, watching the dwarves who were also making themselves ready to leave for the search. The square meanwhile was quieter, most dwarves have left and went into their homes, silently crying. Or not so silently, I think when I hear a small child screaming and crying in the distance, most likely because he's just been told his father isn't coming home. A shiver goes down my spine and I give Thorin a quick hug.

'Be careful.' I say. 'Always.' He says, and I watch him walk away. 'And come back, alive please. Try to bring father back, I miss him.' I whisper, although I know he can't hear it anymore. I look at the gathered dwarves, and notice Grodri standing ready.

I get a deep breath, and close the door behind me. He will come back, I tell myself. They'll all come back, Thorin, Grodri, Balin…

But after losing so many family and friends, I can't get rid of that feeling inside of me that says otherwise.

* * *

><p>I was waiting the whole day for them, meanwhile trying to finish the necklace I was working on yesterday before I fell into tears. It helps a bit, but nothing more. Most of the time my mind is somewhere else, and concentrating is really hard. But I somehow manage to do it, like your in a terrible pain but you do something fun and you simply forget about it, how impossible it might seem. I finish the necklace and start making a ring but I eventually fall asleep on the chair into another restless sleep full of nightmares.<p>

When I wake up again, not really because I'm not sleepy anymore but because the nightmares scared the crap out of me, I stare at the ceiling and feel that I'm put in a bed, with a warm blanket covering my body. I stand up and decide to make this a normal as possible day. For Frerin. I brush and braid my hair, put on another dress (a mourning dress though) and walk to the kitchen to make dinner. Seeing that it's already a bit dark outside, I could guess that I've been sleeping the rest of the day. I put on a light, hoping to find Thorin here, but the house is completely deserted. With a sigh I start working on some soup and working on the ring. I don't know if Thorin had already eaten something, but I save some soup for him. I know father hasn't returned. He would have woken me, but he didn't. I leave the house, don't even bother to put to lock it, and try to find my brother. Eventually I find him, with dark circles under his eyes, giving orders to some dwarves. I wait until he's finished and tick him on the shoulder. When he turns around, he suddenly looks much older and very, very tired.

'Thorin, I saved some soup for you. You really need to eat it and than you need to rest. You look half dead yourself, and that isn't good for you wounds, as you damn well know.'

'Dís, I need to do this. We haven't found Thraín yet and the dwarves have no leader, except for me. They all feel in despair, not knowing what to do if their family is half murdered. I'm doing everything I can to help them. The people always go first, remember?'

Even I, although I'm not the heir to the throne, had to learn that phrase since I was very young. But if he continues like this, they'll soon have no leader at all.

'I know that Thorin, and that might be, but there are other people to help you. And what good would they have from a leader that half dead? You need to eat and drink something, and you desperately need some sleep. I can help you, I've been sleeping all day and I just ate something. Now, go, or I'll drag you into the house and pour the soup in you.' I say very strictly, not giving him a change to protest. He almost looks like a puppy who is told not to play, but he luckily agrees. Thank Mahal for that, he's almost as stubborn as me, but he would drop dead if he didn't listen to me right now. 'Go.' I say again, pointing at my house. He nods, gives a glance at my mourning dress, and walks to the house.

I watch him like a hawk until he closes the door behind him, and I walk over to Balin. 'I sent Thorin to get some rest and food, so I'll do his things for now. Can you tell me what I have to do?'

'Good job, Dís. I also took an attempt, but he wouldn't listen to me, you know how he is.' He says but shrugs his shoulders while looking around. 'I don't think there's much you can do anymore, he's done more things that I could think of to do so. But you could check some families probably, to see if they're okay. Maybe you could take this to Óin, he's helping his father with healing the dwarves.' He says and hands some medical looking things over.

'Thank you Balin, I will.' I walk to Óin's house, and turn around so I walk backwards. 'Thank you for all your help, Balin!' I call, receiving a slight bow as his answer.

I turn around again and deliver the stuff. I follow Balin's advice and visit some dwarves whose almost entire family is killed, what makes it really hard again not to cry. But I really can't afford to cry here, I know that. How deeply do we all have to suffer before happy and good times can come again? Or is that to much to ask for?

* * *

><p>The next couple of days, Thorin and I both get a bit more sleep, but we need to continue our work because otherwise we won't make it. He gets back to the forge again, and I continue making jewellery's. This is a way too hard life, I think. I can't stop thinking about Frerin every second of the day, even in my sleep. Maybe it's not that much better after all. And I wasn't even there, how scary and real would the nightmares of Thorin and the others be? I shake it off me, well, at least I try, and continue working. Thorin searches every day for our father, and it almost seems to drive him mad. He doesn't do anything else than his work, or come along on searching missions. It's starting to drive me mad now as well, and I somehow have a feeling where I fear so much for him, but I don't know why. Knowing there's only one person that will understand me, I drag him out of his house and find a more quiet place, where we can sit on the ground against a big tree.<p>

'Grodri, I'm worried about Thorin. He's doing nothing else than working or searching for Thraín. I understand that he doesn't want to sleep. I already have scary nightmares, and his must be ten times worse, I realize that. But if he doesn't sleep he'll drop dead, and he hardly eats as well because he's too busy with doing those other two things.' I explain, waiting for a reaction that's telling me I'm way overreacting and I'm the one that needs to calm down, but Grodri nods. 'I know, I've seen it. I'm going along on most of the searches, but there are so many that I can't be with all of them. And when we're at the forge, he always is working non-stop, without any breaks. He doesn't even eat than and he barely drinks.'

'Well, what do I do now? If no one does something, it will go on like this until he can't go on anymore, and I won't let that happen. But he's so stubborn and he doesn't listen to me anymore. Not the same way he did before, at least. Is that my fault?'

This time he shakes his head. 'No, dear Dís, it's definitely not your fault. He still has a flame of hope that Thraín is still alive, but he has vanished and we can't find him, dead or alive. Maybe it's even better finding him dead than not at all, if you know what I mean. At least he will stop searching. He's strong, but I don't know if he can take that.' He pauses for a moment. 'I don't know what to do, to be honest. But I'm trying to think of something.'

'You'll have to talk to him.' I say firmly.

'Me? What do you think I can do, if he doesn't even listen to you? There were only a couple of people he listened to, sometimes, and you're the only one now, but he doesn't even listen to you. What do you think that I could do than?'

'You're his best friend! Just try it, please? I don't want to lose him either.' I beg.

'Of course I'll do it, Dís. I'm just not sure if it will help.'

'We can always try.' I say.

I suddenly notice something moving in the bushes and hear the leafs of the autumn crack underneath something. Footsteps? There, some twigs are moving. Someone must be there. I rest my hand on my sword, ready to take it out. I smell the air, and a gross smell rises in my nostrils. But it's not coming from where I expected it to come from; it's actually coming from the other side. I turn around, sniffing up the air. I move to Grodri, making a gross noise.

'It's you! You smell incredibly gross, you know that?'

'You've been _smelling _me?' he asks surprised.

'No, I saw and heard something in the bushes and-' I suddenly realize that I got distracted by Grodri's smell, and quickly turn the other way to the bushes; the thing was still there. Thank Mahal, I might just let an orc escape because I got distracted! Just when I was about to stand up, a bird flies away from the bush where I was looking at, causing me almost a heart attack. I swear, but luckily it was nothing more than a bird; the bush was completely still now.

'And you told me once that you can smell an orc before you see one, so I sniffed but smelled you instead, sadly. Seriously, when is the last time you took a bath?'

He thinks for a moment and gives me an answer that horrors me. 'Some weeks? I don't know, I've been to busy.'

When he sees me rolling my eyes he says: 'Well, you don't smell like flowers either, my lady. I could ask you the same question but it's not really the sort of thing that you ask to a princess.'

Well, now I think about it, it's been a while for me too. If we're coming to a trading town again, they might shoo us away for our smell.

'Dís, do you have a minute?' I hear another familiar voice call. I look aside and see Thorin standing a bit further away.

'I'll be right back.' I say to Grodri, stand up and quickly move to Thorin, feeling concerned about the look on his face. 'What is it, Thorin?' I ask when I'm standing before him.

'We're moving out.' Is the only thing he says.

'What?' I ask in a surprised tone. 'What do you mean we're moving out?'

'We leave this place and find another place where we can live, one that's safer and where we can earn more money, and don't have to be afraid every winter who will die.'

I look at him suspiciously. 'Thorin, is this about father? Because-'

'No, Dís, this is not about father.' He interrupts me. 'This is about the welfare of our people, because we both know that we can't live here anymore. If orcs attack us again any time soon, most of us are screwed, to say it that way. But here are orc attacks monthly, we don't earn much money and we would be staying here for only some months, as I recall.'

'But Thorin, we've been living here for twenty-nine years now! I know, I want to move out as well, but why suddenly now? A lot of dwarves are badly injured. And do you remember why we stayed here? Because we have nowhere else to go! Where were you planning on going then, hm? And here we already have homes, a job. I don't have another set of jewellery that will make a lot of money. Don't you remember what I did anymore when we came here? The three of us made this place!' I say, thinking about Frerin, because he also made this place.

'Of course I remember that Dís, but this is about more than jewellery. This is about hundreds of dwarf lives. The people we had split up with on the road have come back with us, so they don't have a place to live anymore. But you were the one saying all those years ago that we should stay together. Now we are, but we must find another place than. Think about it, Dís. There is no future for us here. You might have a family one day yourself, and do you want your children to grow up here? We should leave this place behind. I'm sure Frerin wanted to.'

I think about, and again, and than some more, leaving Grodri looking at us with questioning stares, this already took more than a minute. But I realize Thorin is right. And I knew how Frerin had been itching to get away. I look around at Grodri and back at Thorin again.

'Fine than, I think you're right. You're most of the time right. But when will we be leaving?'

'As soon as the worst injuries from the dwarves are over. But I won't wait any longer than a week.' He says.

I nod, letting him go and think about his words. A week, that's very fast. I hope most dwarves will be better by then. I walk back to Grodri, telling him the news. He looks quite satisfied. 'Good.' He says when I'm finished.

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><p>Precisely a week later, we were back on the road again. It felt weird, because of so many reasons. First of all, I hadn't been travelling ever since I got here. At least not that far. For the first time Frerin wasn't here as well besides me, neither were father and grandfather here to lead us, but Thorin does. Although so many people had died during the battle, the dwarves that originally had split up from us were here again and that made the number of us bigger, but not by much. I'm fully grown up now, and grandmother isn't walking beside me but Grodri is. From all those things, only the last one was pleasant. He's very good company, but although he tried so hard, he couldn't make me smile. I couldn't stop thinking about Frerin, and since they all went to battle I haven't smiled one single sad smile. Not a real one, at least.<p>

I had looked around the place one more time, mostly thinking about the things that had happened there with Frerin. I would have loved to go again to that place with the mountain full of crystal and the grey stones with the waterfall again, but sadly there wasn't any time for that. I moved one, helping dwarves carrying their babies, bags or get them up again when they fell. This was going to be a hard travel, I know that, but I keep holding on. Holding on for the people, to be an example as my grandmother said so. Holding on for Thorin, who seemed still as saddened as me about Frerin. So I'm also holding of for Frerin, who hopefully is looking down at me now and is proud of me. I know he is. And I couldn't be more proud of him, and he knows that as well.


	9. Wandering Child

**Another chapter, this one's a bit mysterious.  
>I got the idea with the carriage from the movie 'Gone with the wind' and the last bit is inspired by the song 'Wandering Child' from the musical The Phantom of the Opera.<strong>**So this chapter is mostly inspired on other things, but I still like it. **

**I'm also starting to fall in love with Grodri, my own made character. I hope you are liking him as well, because you can probably guess ;p**

**Let me know what you think and please review! ****They are so sweet, they honestly almost make me cry, thank you so so much!**

**I hope you enjoy!**

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><p><span>Wandering Child<span>

I turn my face away, closing my eyes and try not to hear all those terrible sounds. Cries, panicking dwarves, screaming. The measure of blood was making me wanting to vomit, so I keep my eyes closed and my head turned the other way until someone taps me on the shoulder and says 'I need you, please, princess Dís.'

I pull myself together, and look back, but I keep my eyes fixed on Óin, the new medicine dwarf. 'Of course, Óin. What can I do now?' I ask. Of course I want to help, but the sight of my best friend almost dying giving birth, while we were back on the road again to find another saver place to settle us, was making me feel sick and uncomfortable at the same time.

'Can you please hold him for me?' he asks and didn't wait for a reply, and pushed a tiny baby in my arms, covered in blankets. I try to hush him because his cries were making me mad, but my mind slips through my friend. She's one of the nicest dwarves on earth, and after all the dwarves that I've lost I can't take it to lose another one. Her husband had died during the battle of Azanulbizar, and she was in a terrible state. Now hearing her scream like that, even now her baby seemed alive and healthy, was making me worry more about her. I pray for Mahal to let her live, and her baby as well. I still didn't like children, or baby's, and I feel stupid carrying this baby. I didn't even know how to hold it, and it was quite heavy for such a tiny thing. I've hold some baby's before, but it wasn't like this at all.

When my attempts to stop the baby cry don't help, I give a deep sigh. What did my mother do when I was crying? I remember and start to sing a song in a low comforting voice.

'Far over the misty mountains cold,

To dungeons deep and caverns old.'

I sing the whole song, and when I'm almost finished it seems to cry a little less, although it still did. Still, quite proud of myself, I turn to Óin with a worried face.

'Is she going to make it? Please, tell me she is going to make it.' I ask concerned.

'It looks like she is going to make it, but she wants to see her child, so you hand it over.' He replies. With a sigh of relief, I walk towards my friend and kneel.

'Are you alright?' I ask carefully, stroking the hair out of her sweating and tired face. Her eyes were a mixture of grief and happiness.

She nods and gives me a weak yet genuine smile. 'I'm fine, Dís, don't worry about me. I only want so see my child now.'

I hand it over to here, watching her face that starts glowing with pride when see looks at her baby for the first time. Tears start to swell up in her eyes and she let them go. 'He looks so much like his father.' She sniffs. I nod in agreement, and start braiding her hair to comfort her. 'I'm so tired.' She mumbles. She gives me a short glance, and I thought I saw guilt in her eyes. Why?

Thorin suddenly kneeled next to us, and I feel stupid for not noticing. It could have been an enemy as well. I jump a bit in the air, but calm down when I recognize him. 'Ah, it's just you. She's doing reasonable, and the child is healthy. But she almost died some minutes ago, and it's a wonder she's doing reasonable, but that means she has to rest, Thorin.'

My brother sighed, looking at me with a we-have-to-move-on look. 'Dís, we only just walked for an hour so we can't stop yet. We're here in the open wild, this is like the only bush that exists. I know she needs rest, but we can't stay here. Dwarves who went looking don't trust it at all.'

'Dwarves never trust anything.' I say with my chin in the air.

'Dís-'

'Well, what's your plan than? She can't even stand up!' I protest.

We both think for a moment, because I know just as well that we can't stay here. 'The carriage.' I say suddenly while I look at it. 'We can both lay mother and child on it so they don't have to walk.' I suggest. But even if he disagreed, it's the only option we have, or staying here.

'We have not much animals anymore, and the ones we have are already packed with stuff we really need.' He reminds me, what makes us thinking again. I look at my friend, and now understand the guilt I saw flickering in her eyes some moments ago. But it's not her fault, she couldn't help that the baby wanted to come out, and you could hardly blame a just born baby.

'I'll pull the carriage forward.' I offer, and get two surprised looks in exchange.

'Oh, Dís, you can't do that! Maybe I can walk for myself, I at least have to try!' The mother immediately protests, and I can't help but give her a weak smile. She always thought of others, what was really the most unique thing for a dwarf to do. Even I didn't do that.

'No, my friend, you mustn't walk, you were close to dying just ten minutes ago. I agree, you're healing very fast, but we can't make it worse again, so you'll be bedridden for some weeks. Go to sleep.' I say, gently patting her head. I could see how terribly tired she was, but she was as stubborn as any dwarf, and got up.

'No, I told you that you shouldn't do that-' I begin but I don't get to finish my sentence, because she falls over, letting the baby fall out her arms. We both gasp at the same time and before I could think it I catch the baby before it hits the ground. It started crying again, and I've never seen a dwarf with such a shocked look on its face.

'Don't worry, I caught him. Now, will you listen to me?' She nods, still in shock, and I hand over the baby. She holds out her trembling arms, but as soon as the baby is back to his mother, she holds onto him with a stern yet gentle grip.

'Can you lift her up?' I ask Thorin, who kept himself quiet all that time. I saw that he wanted to protest as well, but just like my friend he seemed to realise that it's the only option.

He nods and carries her to the carriage, lays her between some other stuff, gets some blankets and we put them over the dwarves. 'Just lay still and we'll both be alright.' I say friendly.

I pick up the front of the carriage, and see Grodri approaching. 'Can I help, maybe?' he asks but I immediately shoo him off. 'No! It's my friend, my responsibility and I won't let anyone else pull along this carriage, so if you want to be helpful go somewhere else.'

He looks a bit surprised at my outburst, but he nods and goes away. I immediately feel a bit sorry for him, but at least he understands now. I don't want anyone else to help me, because it's the closest friend I have and I feel all the responsibility for her and her child, now her husband is gone.

'We're moving on!' I hear Thorin call from in the distance. I pull it forward, and immediately feel the immense weight of it. Because it's heavier than I thought, I look surprised but sadly that look doesn't go unnoticed by my friend. 'Are you alright?' she asks and I turn my head around to give her a nice smile. 'I'm fine, you can go sleeping!' I reassure her. It's true, I'm fine still, but I don't know for how long. But I don't regret pushing away Grodri's offer, and start to pull the carriage along. 

Unfortunately, there are very much hills, and uphill is really exhausting, but downwards is even worse, because the hills are quite high, and I really had to push the carriage the other way from pretending it not to roll of the hill. I got several attempts from dwarves to help, but I shoo them all off. I keep looking backwards at my friend and her baby every five minutes to see if they're alright, but both are still sleeping. Are we already there yet? The worst is that nobody knows where 'there' is.

I keep pulling at pushing it over hills or hobbling roads, what was really annoying because I don't want to wake them up, but avoiding was sometimes impossible so I had to go as careful as possible over gaps or bumps in the grass. Still, nothing was as bad as those bloody pools where we couldn't go around. They weren't deep at all, but there was a lot of mud and the carriage got stuck several times. After spending more than half a day like this, I feel absolutely exhausted. We finally arrive at something that looks like a small town with some people. I sigh in relief for the second time that day, seeing the sight of food and water. But I immediately forget myself and start walking around, giving people their food and water, or new bandages, and half of the dwarves is asleep again in no-time after they finished their dinner. The people were quite hospitable, and they even gave some extra things.

'Dís, you need to calm down a bit and rest as well.' I hear a voice speaking from behind me.

'It's like you stolen my words but replaced Thorin's name with mine.' I answer, looking at Grodri with a grin. I was being exactly like my brother now, running around the place to make sure everyone was okay and completely forgetting myself what makes me look half-dead.

'Well, maybe, but it's true. You haven't had any food or water yourself and I can see you're bloody tired from pulling that carriage. If you just would let me do it when we leave again-'

'No!' I snap him off. 'I'm the only one that's pulling that carriage along, and that's that! I'll get some food and water in a minute, but I need to go to some dwarves who don't want to go on anymore. We can't leave them, but they refuse now to walk any further.' I explain, walking past him before he can say anything again. I hear him call me, but ignore it and walk to the dwarves who refused to go any further. Most of them seem to be sleeping, but an old dwarf is sitting up straight, drinking his water.

'Hello, mister?' I ask, since I don't know the name of the dwarf.

'Hello, princess Dís.' He replies. 'Good to see you here. I wanted to talk to Thorin actually, but he seems to busy, so you're fine as well.'

It felt a bit like an insult, but I nod and walk towards him. I was finally seeing a change to sit down, but instead he stood up, took me by the arm and walked away with me from the sleeping dwarves.

'You see, some of the people don't want to go any further. We're to old, sick of walking and we can't do it for so long any more. We're all sick again, and were quite satisfied with the place we were living in.'

'But mister, we got attacked almost every week by orcs, it wasn't save there at all! We're finding a better place where we can earn more money to get better lives.' I know my grandmother didn't allow it to let me say the word 'but,' but since she wasn't here it didn't matter.

'You see, you're all thinking about the money you want to earn! Your brother is exactly the same as is ancestors. Well, I've had it, and I don't want to go any further. We can stay here with this people, they live her as well.'

'We need money to survive, mister dwarf. And my brother hasn't got a gold sickness inside of him, if that's what you were implying. We can't live with the people here, most of them are travellers as well and we need to find our own place. We can't earn here some money if almost no one lives here. I can't force you to go on, but if you wanted to stay where we were you should have thought of that before. We're moving on.' I say angrily. How dared he to say such things? My grandmother would have hated me if she heard me speak like that, but she still wasn't here and defending my brother is more important.

I wait for another angry reply from the dwarf, but his mouth stays shut. Finally, he opens it again. 'Fine, princess. We'll have it your way than.'

I nod but add: 'We'll have it the way the most dwarves want it.' With those words I walk back to the others.

When I arrive there, I get some more food and water and walk to the carriage. Fortunately, my friend is awake so I don't have to wake her. I give her the food and water, and she thanks me many times for doing all this and carrying her and her baby, and that she would repay me as soon as she could. I said she shouldn't, and finally went off to get some food and water for myself. It's the last bit, what even meant that Thorin was already having his dinner.

I see Grodri on the other side and walk up to him. He was sitting on the ground, and looked up when he noticed me. 'So, you finally decided to get some food and water yourself as well, hm?' he doesn't sound unfriendly, but different than usual.

'I'm sorry, Grodri, I didn't mean to be rude at you. I'm just so tired.'

'Must be, but why don't you let me pull the carriage for a while than? You know you can trust me. Anyway, how did the dwarves react? And how is your friend by the way?'

I give a deep sigh before I answer that question, but luckily his voice sounds the same way it did before again. I'm still standing, but my legs feel like they're about to break in thousand pieces and I feel them tremble slightly. I couldn't resist, and let myself plump into Grodri's lap, finally letting my legs rest. He looks to me in surprise, but doesn't say anything.

'I know you mean well and you're trying to help me, but I feel that's my responsibility, don't you see? It's my best friend, I'm now the closest person to her, after her baby than. I can't let just anyone pull the carriage, and most dwarves won't do it as softly and careful as I do. I know you will, but still. Do you know what I mean?'

He thinks for a moment. 'I guess.'

'And the dwarves that didn't want to go anymore? Well, I talked to a quite rude dwarf who pissed me off and I set things straight, so no worries.' I say, and finally start eating.

'Why did he piss you off? Do you know his name, I can show him how to treat a princess properly.' He says with a small smirk on his face.

'Nothing special, he just irritated me.' I say quickly after slurping some water. 'Really, you know how to treat a princess properly? Didn't notice any of that. How should you do that?' I tease him.

He shrugs, staring into the distance. 'Make sure she's eating and drinking when she says she has other things to do, bow every time you see her very deeply and bring her present every day.'

'Well, you nailed the first one. What about the other two? I quite like that.'

He shakes his head in disbelief, but grins. 'First finish your dinner.' He says.

After I finished I hear Thorin call from the distance again, that we're moving on again. I groan but remember Grodri again and stand up, I say goodbye and walk back to the carriage. I pick it up again, ready to pull some more. And pulling some more, I will. 

We move on for quite a long while, until it's dark. That seemed longer to think than I though, so dinner probably wasn't actually dinner yet, although it would be to late for lunch. Second lunch, perhaps? I was starting to think we'd made the whole day without a single orc attack, but my hope seemed to good to be true. I see some things moving forward in the shadows, and suddenly there are about fifty orcs attacking us. 'Oh no.' I whisper, looking back again at my friend and her baby. Her eyes seemed frightened. She never was really a big fighter, but now she couldn't be more helpless, being unable to stand and having a baby curled up in her arms. 'Hide under the blankets, and scream if you need me.' I order her, and she immediately obeys.

I take up my sword and start killing the orcs with more fury than I've ever done before. These filthy creates had murdered Frerin! Frerin, grandfather, maybe father, and so many more innocent souls, whether it are dwarves or not. I release my anger on them, killing the orcs in the most ruthless and painful way I can imagine. It takes a bit longer, yes, but I don't care, I want to see them suffer. Meanwhile I keep throwing worried looks at the carriage, but the orcs didn't seem to notice them. After slicing off a lot of heads, and even torturing them, most orcs are dead, and the ones that run away I shoot with my bow and arrow, so that they're all dead. Let that be a lessons for them. I collect my arrows again but we leave the bodies lying where they are. Three dwarves died, and we quickly bury them, while the wounded are quickly taken care of. I run back to the carriage, finding both mother and child still hiding under the blankets. Fortunately, they're both all right and no orc had spot them. With a small feeling of relief and satisfaction, we walk on.

We walk for an hour longer and finally decide to set our camp up. My legs are struggling again to stay up, but I need to help my friend and her baby getting of the carriage to put them in a safe place. We were again close to something that looked like another small town, but this one doesn't seem so pleasant as the other one, but we can't go on anymore because we're all feeling again like we're going to fall down.

Me, Grodri and some others promise Thorin to check the location to see if it's safe anyway, otherwise we really had to move on some more.

'Do you know where we are, Thorin?' I ask him when the others set off to leave.

'I heard we're in Eriador.' Thorin answers.

'Dís, you coming?' I hear Grodri call, and quickly give Thorin a nod before I somehow manage to run after Grodri.

We search the place nearby, and decide to split up. I was about to return to the place where we'd agreed to meet again, when I suddenly see a figure standing in the distance. The distance seemed to belong to a man, so that doesn't have to mean an enemy, but you'll never know. I take my bow and arrow and point it at the figure. 'Come out of the shadows.' I call. 'Or I'll release this arrow.' For a moment I thought the figure would run, what would be foolish because I never missed a target anymore these days; but the figure came out of the shadows. I can see that it's indeed a man, and I lower my bow and arrow, but I don't put them away yet.

'Who are you and what are you doing here?' I ask with a strong and dangerous voice.

'I could ask you the same question.' The man replied, and somehow his voice seemed to lift me up. Beautiful, it was.

'I asked you first.' I simply say, keeping my eyes focused on the man but my hearing is fixed on other noises; but there are no other noises and the man's voice seems to drown me.

'Alright than, my lady. I live here nearby, and I protect this place from unwanted visitors. So who are you, may I ask, and what are you doing here?'

I doubt for a second, but the man's voice is so persuading that I had to answer. 'I'm Dís, daughter of Thraín, son of Thror. Me and my people are here on a travel, and we want to stay the night here. We'll be gone by tomorrow, and we'll only be sleeping here. You can expect no trouble from us, and you wouldn't even notice that we're here.' I say politely.

'But I have noticed it, haven't I, Dís daughter of Thraín. And you're on a travel… to where?'

'We don't know yet, but we're trying to find a new place.' I say it before I know it. I don't want to say it at all, this doesn't concern the man at all, but why am I saying it? Is it his voice, or his deep eyes who seem to look at me so intense?

'Well, wandering child, I can help you if you want to. I have some stuff you can use, some food, blankets and a warm place to stay the night.' He says, putting out his hand.

'Father?' I suddenly say, looking into the same blue eyes my father has. That voice, it sounds so the same. The man didn't had a beard, only a small one, but you can simply cut off a beard, that's not so hard… I'm drawn to him like a magnet, taking small steps while I put back my bow and arrow, holding out my hand as well, ready to take his.

'Dís!' a voice screams from the right, but I don't hear it, I'm completely taken in by the person who is standing before me.

'Father.' I mumble again, getting closer to the man. No, it must be a dwarf than.

'Come to me, wandering child. I'm your father.'

'Dís, listen to me! Whatever you may believe, this man, this thing, is not your father!' Grodri's voice seem to float past me.

Father keeps mumbling to me, and when I almost place my hand into his, a hard 'DÍS!' blows through my mind and crushes the illusion.

'Grodri!' I scream, quickly pulling my hand back and run to him, falling into his arms with tears in my eyes. 'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I was completely confused, please forgive me!' I beg, placing my hands on his cheeks.

'It's alright already.' He answers, to my great relief. If he wasn't here, what would have happened? I turn around as the man comes running this way. Faster than I could think of again, but this time while I'm completely knowing what I'm doing, I get the bow and arrow from my back and shoot one into the man's chest. He makes a horrible sound and drops dead on the floor.

Grodri comes closer to the dead body on the ground, what makes me panic like I'm a prey being chased, but he comes back confirming that the man really is dead. And that it's definitely not safe here.

'So what happened?' he asks on our way back to the others.

I explain everything to him, how scary and yet familiar his voice and eyes were, and that suddenly it seemed like he was her father.

Grodri shakes his head. 'He looked like the most untrustworthy man in the world.'

When we're finally back with the others, he simply says that they saw someone who tried to kill us. I appreciate that and whisper a 'thank you' in his ear, while we head back to Thorin.

We find him, and he seemed to be waiting for us for a while. I decide that I need to tell Thorin the truth, and take him and Grodri some place further away.

'It's not safe here, definitely not.' I end my story. The whole time, the two dwarves had looked at me in concern.

'Then we must somehow go on.' Thorin says, heading back to the others to wake them.

Somehow indeed, we manage to go on, me pulling the carriage with my friend and her baby in it again.

But I hear Thorin whisper something to Grodri, who was walking next to me now, that made me feel scared. 'Watch after Dís, and say it if she's seeing something like this again.'

Was I going mad?


	10. Filthy orcs & Eriador

**Sorry this one took a bit longer, but I had some tests and a report I needed to make, plus I'm kind of really tired, almost like Dís.  
><strong>**So this one's a short chapter, but I promise next will be longer, and I hope it will come sooner!**

**Again, thank you for the very sweet reviews who nearly make me cry 3**

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><p><span>Filthy Orcs &amp; Eriador<br>  
>'Dís. Dís, wake up! We're moving on.' Someone says, shaking my shoulders in an attempt to wake me up.<p>

'Hmmm, I'm coming.' I mumble, slowly opening my eyes and let them get used to the bright daylight. I stare for a while, until I remember where I am and that we need to get going. We were still wandering the wild, but it seemed like we were making a bit of progress. We had been wandering in Eriador for already quite a while, and the place wasn't as nasty as the ones before us were. Still, we needed to get going, since again it would be winter soon. Plus we were lying in the open air right now, and there had been at least ten dwarves guarding the others when they were asleep. Of course, it were different dwarves every hour, but even so that little hour I was awake longer than the rest, and still pulling along the carriage, was really a bit too much for me and no matter how much I slept, I was exhausted.

'Today, if possible, please.' The dwarf says whom woke me.

'Shut up.' I snarl, standing up and rub my eyes, looking around to find the carriage. My friend and her baby were already lying in it, so I walk over them ignoring the dwarf saying 'You can sleep when you're dead.' and pick up the carriage.

Within a minute all the dwarves are walking again, but with a slower pace than usually, since everybody was so exhausted. Children were carried by now, but they switched to another dwarf now almost every ten minutes. I wish we could sleep longer, but in the open with orcs that isn't an option. It surprised me actually that we weren't attacked tonight. Sadly, that didn't last for long.

'No…' I plead, but no one listens of course, certainly not the orcs who were racing to the dwarves. It were more than the last time, unfortunately, and the dwarves were weaker. I get my bow and arrow and start shooting as many orcs as I can, before they reach the first dwarves, who slay them with the axes. But it doesn't take long before the first dwarves are wounded, and some drop dead on the floor. I defend the carriage, what seemed to attract the orcs to it like dwarves are attracted to gold.

I hear a scared scream behind me, and when I look around after I cut some orc's arm off, I see another one grabbing my dear friend's wrist. 'Filthy orc, go back!' I sizzle, firing an arrow through his head. The point of the arrow evens comes out the back of his head because he was so close, and the point hit the orc behind him in the head as well.

Looking rather smudged, I look if my friend is alright, and continue slaying the others. I see my brother somewhere in the distance, handling a sword and axe at the same time. But I don't have a long time to look at him, because another orc approaches the carriage. I kick him in his stomach, what made him groan, and more angry. He stings me with his sword in my arm, and I let out a painful cry. I immediately feel the blood streaming out of my arm, and hear my friend gasp, but not of the same reason I thought.  
>'Dís, behind you!' she says, but before I can turn around the orc in front of me strikes again. I quickly put my sword against his, but I feel something scratching my shoulder blade and this time I groan in anger. To my surprise, it didn't go through me, it even went away very quickly. I give some very quick waves my sword, so fast that the orc in front of me gets confused, attacks to late and his head falls on the floor, a moment later followed by the rest of his body. Immediately I turn around, and see my friend struggling with an orc.<br>She had taken a bow out of my tube, and was stinging the dwarf with it, while she kept slapping him in the face or where else she could. Underneath all the sounds, I can hear the cries of a baby underneath the blanket. I lean across the carriage and put my sword in his chest. The orc's face looks wrenched and painful before it falls on the floor. Just in time, because the orc's sword fell on her chest, and if I hadn't turned around by now it would have gone through it. I can see she trembles, like me, but quickly pat her head before I turn around again. I keep slaying the other orcs who were coming this way, but not without any other painful wounds.

I can see that more dwarves than I had expected had died, and I quickly look around for Thorin. When I can't find him my stomach begins twisting, but I reassure myself that he's just out of sight at the moment. I look for him again, and when I can't find him I look some more. I can even see my grandmother standing in the distance, wounded but alive.

I give a worried glance at my friend; she was exhausted from just that little thing. It probably were the nerves as well, but she's trembling more than her baby does. 'Please, I'll be right back.' I say, running off to my grandmother.  
>'Where's Thorin?' I ask her shortly, afraid of the answer. Afraid to have lost another brother. 'Over there.' She nods in a direction. I takes a while, but I finally recognize my brother. A float of relief waves through me, and I shut my eyes for a moment. <em>He's still alive<em>, I think. I was about to turn around when I remembered my grandmother. 'Are you alright?' I ask. When she nods, I excuse myself and run towards Thorin. He only just turned around when I jumped into his arms, what made him almost fall over. Luckily he had recognized me in that split second, and didn't push me away, thinking I was an orc or a strange dwarf or something. I allow myself to slightly tremble. It had been a lot of orcs just attacking, and for some moments I had really thought he was gone, just like Frerin.

'Thank Mahal, you're alive.' I whisper under my breath, not expecting him to hear it, but he did, and he pulls me away.

'Of course I'm alive, Dís, don't worry.' He says with a frown.

'What do you mean, 'of course?' Some dwarves died, you know! I couldn't find you anywhere, so I thought that you were one of those dwarves. So if I want to worry over that, I will!' I say, a bit more sharp than I meant. But he could've been dead, for all I knew. Yes, he was a very skilled warrior, but so was Frerin.

I breath deep in and keep telling myself that Thorin's alive. He's standing before me, still with that frown on his face.

I remember the carriage again, and walk back. Luckily my friend had done the same thing and wasn't trembling anymore. 'Are you alright, can I get anything for you?' I ask.

She shakes her head. 'No. Thank you for saving my life, Dís.' I had firmly forbidden her to keep saying thank you for pulling the carriage to me.

I shrug. 'That's what we all do.' I simply say, and walk back to the front of it to pick it up again. 'Now let's really move on.'

* * *

><p>A day or two later (I was so exhausted that I even can't remember how many days ago the attack was) we were walking into a place that seemed rather nice, actually. There was a town very nearby with we could trade with, the people weren't so scary but quite nice, there were a lot of stones and the location wasn't that terrible either. There wasn't a single hint that orcs were here right now, or had been in the past week. Pulling the carriage became a bit more hard with all those people, especially when they're looking at you. Is this how all those horses must feel? I cannot help to wonder.<p>

We stop when Thorin ordered us to stop here, and he started talking to someone I couldn't see. Suddenly, a man comes walking down to me, and I immediately freeze. There hadn't anything happened since that strange man in the woods, and this man didn't look at him at all, neither he reminded me of him. But it was a man, and he was coming to me, and I put down the carriage, my hand resting on my sword.

'Ho, I'm not coming here to declare war!' the man says when he sees my hand. He sounded nothing like the man in the woods at all. I say nothing and just keep staring at him with a strange, angry look.

'I wanted to ask if you would like to buy one of my self-made maps? They are the best quality, I can assure you, and-'

I don't let the man finish, and look at the maps he had in his hands. 'Can I see?' I interrupt him, looking curious at the maps. The man seemed surprised but happy and showed me some. Some were a bit different, but they actually all seemed the same to me.

'Where are we now?' I wonder out loud, and the man points on the map. 'Here, Eriador. There's the river Lune, you see? Behind it are mountains.'

I look up at him with a look of surprise and hope. 'Mountains?' I ask with the same voice as my look.

'Yes, mister dwarf. Would you like to buy a map? I also have just made maps about Eriador, so you can see most of it better.' He holds out another map, with a strange place painted on it, apparently called Eriador.

I ignore that he calls me mister, because I know that I look like a male dwarf in the eyes of a man, when I'm not in a dress. Maybe they think I'm a male dwarf in a dress than? 'I take them both.' I say, handing the man over some money. 'How much are they?'

The man gives me the price and I hand it over to him, getting the cards in my hand.

'Who are you, may I ask?' the man asks curiously. 'Dwarves normally never get here.'

'We're the dwarves from Erebor, finding another place to live. I'm from the line of Durin.' I reply to him, leaving the man in a surprised state when I turn around to the carriage. 'I'll be right back, if you get any trouble just scream.' I say, and after a nod from her I run over to Thorin, passing all the dwarves who seem to be sleeping while they're standing up straight.

'Thorin!' I call him, not caring he's already in a conversation with some other man. He doesn't react and I wait impatiently for him to finish, giving him an irritated noise when he finally comes. 'So, that took a while.' I complain, and he opens his mouth, probably to give me a lecture about all things I'm not interested in, but before he has the change to say something I already interrupt him.

'There are mountains nearby, you know that? Mountains!' I say and can't hide the excitement and hope in my voice.

'I just wanted to say that to you; how did you that?' he asks in surprise, but I can also see the same hope reflected in his eyes.

'Somebody just told me. Don't be angry, but I already bought his maps.' I say and show them to him. He takes them over and studies the one with Eriador on it for a while.

'You see, there a lot of places we could trade with if we could live in the mountain, there are nearby cities to which we can easily walk with using these roads.' He points at the map, explaining some more things.

'So, do you think we could live there?' I finally ask when he's finished.

'We don't know that yet, Dís. I can see as well that it would be a good place to live, but perhaps the mountain isn't safe at all.'

'Well, let's find out! It isn't that far away, and we at least must give it a fair try.' I say, and I feel more hope when Thorin agrees with me.

'Let's go on than. Can I keep these?' He says, waving with the maps.

I nod and somehow manage to run back again. I'm almost forgetting my exhaustion. I feel I'm getting new hopes. I tell my friend about it, and I see her face brighten up during the story, what makes me brighten up as well.

'Oh, I hope it's a good place where my son can grow up!' she prays.

'I'm sure it is. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.' I quote my grandmother.

* * *

><p>It took another half a day, but we finally arrived there. The mountains were beautiful, I thought, but that's not enough reasons to live there. Thorin summons up as much dwarves as he can, only the ones who were wounded, or to old or young to take another step could rest. He let them search the place, and me with some others take care of the wounded and the others that stayed here. We immediately start working on dinner for the dwarves, and while we look around we all hope that this is can be a good place to live. I wonder if Frerin would have liked it. I look up at the sky without really knowing, until someone pokes me.<p>

'Are you looking if it's going to rain or does your neck hurt?' Feeling a bit stupid, I said 'both' and quickly wandered off to the carriage again, giving the dwarves on it some food and water.

It's really evening when the others return, and I'm pleased to see them all without any more cuts than they already had. They even had smiles on their faces. Even more hope starts to growl within me. Please, Mahal, let this be a good place to live!

The last group to return was Thorin's; he was with some others having a look at and inside the mountain.

'It's already done!' I hear a dwarf say with a voice full of excitement. 'We can work inside the mountain tomorrow if we want to; almost everything's already there. It looks like there live dwarves a very, very long time ago.'

'And why are they gone?' A grumpy old voice says, and I already know who it is; the one who refused to go any further some time ago. 'Did orcs kill them, did the man, or something else?'

'Shut up!' I yell at the dwarf, giving him a firing angry look. 'We haven't travelled this far to wander the wild forever. We need a place to stay, and don't forget that winter's upon us. Do I need to remind you that _that _was the reason we stayed at or previous settlement? Because we had nowhere else to go and we would all die if we didn't stay there that winter, but that we would find another place to live? Well, we've done that now, so learn to recognize a good place when you one!' my voice pierces through all the other dwarves, and everything immediately went quiet when I started. When I ended, there are approving voices and support, but I don't even hear that. My eyes are spitting fire, and my nails are painfully piercing my fists, and I have to do everything and give all concentration to not smash them in the dwarf his face. I feel someone pulling me back, probably Grodri, but I don't notice.

Finally, another voice cuts through the air, and somehow knows to distract me.

'We stay here. This is were the line of Durin will stay, until we reclaim Erebor.' Thorin's voice echoed in the air.


	11. Breaking the rules

**New chapter, longest until now!****This one is (as you might guess if you've seen it) inspired from the coronation day in Frozen. The dress is the same as Elsa's, although there are dwarf runes on this one^^**

**This scene has been for a quite long time in my head though, and writing is harder than I've expected. Especially when they're pledging their services and after that was really just the first words I could think of. Not really perfect, I know.**

**Nevertheless, hope you enjoy it!  
>Thanks for the reviews (and the followers, still) and please feel free to review or follow!<br>Next chapter btw will probably be continuing where it ended here.  
><strong>

* * *

><p><span>Breaking the rules<span>

When I return home, I let myself fall on the bed, feeling tired and sad. I've just been on an expedition with other, the whole day long, trying to find my father or a clue from where he might be. As usual, no one hasn't found anything, but Thorin didn't want to give up hope. I don't want to give up either, but I can't hold it any longer. Since we got here in Eriador and we settled us next to the mountains, we have been looking for Thraín everywhere. The expedition today was a really long search, walking further than we usually did. But not a single sign was found today, and not a single person did know where he was or had seen him. Even an orc pack we ran into didn't seem to know, so we killed them all. With extremely tired eyes we walked back, and now I'm already falling asleep. I have only eating once, this morning. I'm so hungry…

I wake up from the noise outside, and find myself lying on my bed with the same smelling clothes from yesterday. I haven't moved the whole night, luckily didn't have any nightmares either, and my hair is an absolute mess. Not that I care about that, though. Wishing I could sleep for the rest of the day as well, I slowly get up and let myself fall out of bed. I hobble to the kitchen, take something to drink and eat while I brush my hair. When I'm finished I braid it, brush my teeth and go outside again. Today there was work to do.

I almost bump into a dwarf, and it takes me a while to recognize him.

'Oh, I'm sorry Dwalin.' I apologize, but the dwarf doesn't seem to care.

'Dís, I was looking for you.' He says, and I thought I hear a slight tone of concern in his voice, but that couldn't be right? Dwalin was never concerned, I probably just imagined it.

'Really, Dwalin, what is it?' I ask politely.

'It's Thorin. He didn't sleep this night, and he's you-know-where. I tried to convince him last night to get some sleep, but he refuses to. I know you're about the only one who can manage him, so I hope you can convince him from getting away there and sleep.' His voice nor his face shows any form of concern now, but his words do.

I give a small sigh, shaking my head. 'Thorin only obeys himself, I don't think there's much I can do. If he doesn't want to sleep, he doesn't want to. But maybe I should try, at least. Thank you Dwalin, you can go back to your work.' I say before the dwarf can say anything else, and walk away. Since we were in our new settlement, we hadn't got any rest, especially Thorin. I always simply suppress the feeling of concern growing in me, since I tried but didn't succeed. Thorin was the most stubborn dwarf I know, after myself than.

I come to a small but good looking house, a bit further away from the rest, and it seems abandoned. It's the house of my father, shall he return. I get in and close the door behind me as quietly as I can. I walk through the hallway, entering the last door and put my hand on the knob. I open the door, walking inside and see the only other person who came here from sometimes. Thorin.

It's supposed to be the working room for our father, and it's traditional that above the desk of the king was a picture of his heirs. I look at it, my face going sad again. As soon as this house was ready, Thorin and I hang up the picture that was painted by that angry dwarf some while ago. Frerin is still on it as well.

When I couldn't sleep one night because I had to many nightmares about Frerin's death, I slipped out of my house and came here to stare at the picture. I didn't expect Thorin to be there as well, but he was. We seemed to think the same thing, so I just sat next to him waiting for the dawn to come, while we were staring at Frerin.

We both caught each other sometimes here, and if one of us has disappeared, only the other knew where he or she was. She had been crying once, but Thorin found her and she felt so ashamed that she never cried in front of the picture any more, too scared that Thorin would find her again and he didn't need a crying sister on his side. Later, Dwalin was searching for his missing friend, and found him here. He promised not to tell anyone, but I'm concerned that he might do it if Thorin doesn't get some sleep. Since I'm here as well a lot of times, I don't want that to happen, and because we want to be alone here.  
>I don't say anything when I walk into the room, I just close the door behind me again and sit on the floor, staring at Frerin's blue sparkling eyes and his cheeky smile. Then I look into the real version of those eyes, though they belonged to another person who didn't had any smile at all on his face, just a sad one.<p>

'Thorin.' I whisper, standing up again and walk towards him. He doesn't even look up or aside, his eyes just stay on his brother. I know that look from before, and it gives me a shiver down my spine. 'Thorin, it's not your fault he's dead.' I kneel before him, looking up to him with pleading eyes. 'He said himself so; you remember?'

Finally, he spoke, but not the words that I want to hear. 'Of course I remember. But do you think those words were real? He just didn't want me to feel bad about, though he knows it's my fault. He just lied, Dís, to make me feel better. I prefer the truth, than.'

'He didn't lie to you, he would never do that!' I protest immediately. Frerin would never lie about such things, he simply knew it wasn't Thorin's fault.

'Brothers and sisters lie to each other, to make the others feel better, Dís.' His voice sounds terribly cold.

'So you lied to me that you know it isn't your fault for my sake?' I say with a thick throat.

He doesn't answer me, but I can see the answer written on his face.

'Well, what do you think that will help? I would find out anyway, and now I have it doesn't really help making me feel better. It's making me feel even worse, actually.'

Thorin still doesn't reply, so I give up. You can't have an argument with somebody he doesn't even say something. Annoyed by this, my tone gets a bit sharper.

'Thorin, you need to get some sleep. I'm not a fool, I know you haven't slept tonight, and if you continue like this you'll be dead yourself, and I don't need another dead brother so if you don't come along I'll simply drag you out of this chair myself, and you can say or do anything you want than but I won't listen to you anymore.' I say and stand up, giving him a challenging look. Thorin is stronger than me and he knows that, so if he wants to stay in that bloody chair he could, but I don't care. I have better things to do today.

'Dwalin told you, I know that.' He says in an irritated tone, but he gets up and follows me to the door.

When we're outside I lock the door, and walk towards Thorin's house. I order him to stay there and sleep, and that if he gets out within the following five hours, he'll learn his sisters wrath.

I start working on my jewellery, feeling particularly bad. I know I shouldn't have been so mean to Thorin but he really needed some sleep and I was getting really worried inside. Worried to lose another brother, and that's the last thing I want now. I also wish I could show him that it isn't his fault Frerin is dead; but how? He doesn't listen to my words, not even Frerin's, nor the other dwarves. How can I make him know this? His face and tone scared me to death when he spoke those words those minutes ago. Another shiver runs down my spine and I pray to Mahal for some help. Maybe father's return would make Thorin feel better? But he seems to have vanished completely, whether he's dead or alive.

* * *

><p>The next day, Thorin and I have been summoned to my grandmother's house. When I heard the new I wanted to bang my head against the door, assuming that it'll be her lessons again, which were really quite horrible. But when I heard that Thorin was coming as well, I assume it's something different if she wants to see us both; she barely spends time with Thorin. They can't really get along together, and they think that's the perfect reason to not see each other so often. But I can't stand her either, even more than Thorin to my idea, yet I spent hours and hours a week with her. I'm thirty-nine, and still get so much lessons that I could get nightmares of those.<p>

I ask the dwarf who came to tell me the message if he knows why, but this is according to him all he knows. I sigh and put on my cloak, the cold winter air now truly hanging around.

When I arrive at her house, Thorin's already waiting before the door, also wearing a cloak. His face was still the same heart-sinking expression, and his voice sounds a bit rough. Maybe he's getting ill.

'Do you know why grandmother summoned us?' I ask hopefully, but I'll probably get an answer soon anyway.

'No, I don't. I hoped you did.' He says while he shakes his head, and knocks on the door.

'You haven't knocked on the door yet?' I ask surprised. He seemed to be standing here for quite a while and it's really cold, and his voice doesn't sound great either.

'I was waiting for you.' He replies before an old dwarf-woman opens the door and looks at us. Her gray her was in a countless number of braids in ways even I don't understand.

'Ah, Thorin, Dís, I was expecting you. I took quite some while, I have to say.' She says, looking firmly at me during that last sentence.

We both give a small bow. She seems to know that Thorin arrived her much earlier than I did, to my annoyance. Knowing arguing with my grandmother is the last thing I should do, I simply bend my head and say: 'I'm sorry, grandmother.' I bite on my lip to not say why, because she doesn't care and the last time I did it she scolded at my for a full minute.

'You mustn't bite your lip, Dís.' She says disapproving, stepping aside to let us in.

I gave a small nod and follow Thorin inside, happy that that was it.

'Take off your cloaks and follow me.' She says, and we both obey her. I'm also happy that's warm inside, because it wouldn't take long outside before my hands would turn blue and purple of the cold. It surprises me how fast winter had come.

We come into a room which was scary neat; even worse than Thorin, father or grandfather. Being neat certainly wasn't a thing that belonged to me or Frerin, though.

'Where for did you summon us, grandmother?' Thorin asks in his most polite voice.

'I'll tell you now.' Is her reply.

My face turns into a grimace. She told me that I shouldn't say anything until there was spoken to me, but Thorin being the heir, maybe even king, could speak to who and whatever he wants.

'Don't look like that and listen.' My grandmother says when she notices my face.

I suppress again an irritated sigh and look as normal as I can.

'Yes, you'll be wondering why you are summoned here.' She starts. Although it sounds like a question, I know it isn't and keep my mouth shut, thinking how long it's going to take before she finally says it, which is much more useful than telling me how to behave. As if she could read my mind, she continues.

'Thraín is nowhere to find anymore, and we searched for almost two months now, nearly non-stop. We have to accept that we can't find him anymore, and that he's probably dead. Yes, Thorin, we have to. You can't rule a kingdom like this.'

Thorin had indeed opened his mouth to protest, but had slowly closed it again while the words went through us. _You can't rule a kingdom like this, _she said. Did that mean?

'We don't have Erebor anymore, so we can't crown you. But you are the king, right now. And we shall have a little ceremony, for those dwarves who think that's necessary. Even in Erebor it wouldn't be necessary though, when your father and grandfather die you're the king anyway.' She says, and we both look at her in a bit startled state.

Of course, she's absolutely speaking the truth, yet it had become a bit unexpected.

'We shall have the ceremony in two days, so make sure you'll be ready. I already made some arrangements, so it shouldn't be any problem.'

If it was a problem, Thorin didn't dare to speak against her, since her eyes were very determined. Finally, he nods.

'That isn't a problem, grandmother. Thank you for your trouble.' He says and gives a nod, which is returned by my grandmother. I didn't dare to ask it until now, but my curiosity (what is a very undwarf-like thing) needs to know.

'Than, why have you summoned me, grandmother?' I ask as politely as I can, being very careful to avoid the word 'but,' the word my grandmother probably hates most.

She looks at me, thank Mahal not angry. 'Good question, Dís.' She even says what makes my eyes sparkle with hope for a few seconds.

'When in Erebor there is crowned a new king, dwarves can pledge to the king that they'll always be true to him and that they'll serve him. His nearest siblings are obliged to do this, and since you're the only one left who is obliged to do this, your speech can be somewhat longer.'

My jaw drops open. 'Wait, what?' I say, my two most used words, unfortunately two that my grandmother hates as much as but. But before she can speak again, I'm first.

'Do you expect me to do a speech, and all of this?' I ask terrified. If there's one thing I hate and am scared of as well, it is a speech. And what on earth do I have to say than?

'I expect you to listen and obey my orders, and don't use those words anymore.' She says in a firm voice. 'And, because Thorin hasn't any heirs yet, and neither have you, you also need to do a little ceremony where if Thorin dies, you'll get the crown.'

I raise from my seat, looking angry and startled at the same time. Thorin looks also really confused, but when he sees I'm standing up he tries to pull me back down again, but I shake off his hand.

'I'm not going to do that!' I yell angrily.

'Sit down, Dís, and stop behaving like a little child! There has never before been a queen on the throne, but since you're the only one old enough you can if Thorin dies! It's an honour! And as soon as someone's old enough to take over the throne, he will.' She says with a raised voice, but not a yell.

This words make me completely mad. 'An honor? You think it's an honour? I don't want to be a fricking queen, I'm not like you! What makes you think that I want anything at all, if Thorin dies? He isn't going to die, not now not ever!'

'Yes, he will, and now sit down! The ceremony can be held about three days.'

This even shocks me more than all she has said the past minute.

'But that's Frerin's birthday!' I protest so quickly, that even Thorin and grandmother look up in surprise.

'It _was _Frerin's birthday, you mean. It doesn't matter anyway, even if he would live.' She says and the look on her face makes me want to throw something at her. Instead of that I make fists of my hand and my nails go deeply into my skin. Without saying another word I race out of the room, taking my cloak from the hallway and run outside, to the safest place I can imagine here were almost nobody could find me, definitely not grandmother.

* * *

><p>Curled up like a little ball against the cold wall in the small room, I press my arms over my legs and lay my head on my knees. I stare at the picture in front of me with dead eyes. My gaze stays on the dwarf I wish he was somehow here again. I've been in here for almost an hour now, and finally the door is opened with a cracking noise. I'm surprised that it took so long for him to come after me. Not that I minded, I wish he wouldn't come at all and just leaves me here.<p>

'That took you long.' I speak my mind, but my gaze doesn't leave the picture for more than a second.

'Well, we're like each other, Dís. I know you don't want me to come here at all.' He says while he is sitting next to me as well, like we always do here.

'I don't think were that much like each other at all, Thorin. You seemed to stay perfectly calm about all grandmother said, no matter how crazy or twisted the idea was.' I stick my chin in the air, already feeling a lot better with just saying that.

'Well, if I'm honest, that wasn't really a clever thing to do Dís.' He admits, but I simply roll my eyes.

'Oh really? Wow, thanks for the advice Thorin.' I say in a tone were the sarcasm drips off it.

He opens his mouth, but I'm first again.

'I know, I'm sorry Thorin. But you couldn't expect from me to just let that happen. I don't want it, so why would I do it? I have no problem with those pledging things, but I don't want to give a stupid speech in a whole crowd, and I'm certainly not going to do that other thing, especially not on Frerin's birthday! Did you hear what she said? She said it _doesn't matter anyway._ And she doesn't sound at all like she minds it if you'll die, and she thinks it's great to be a queen. Well, if she does like it so much, why isn't she going to do that stupid ceremony where she can become a queen if you die. She thinks it's an _honour! _Really, it's unbelievable. She's such a-'

'Alright, alright!' Thorin interrupts me before I say things that I really shouldn't say.

'I agree with you, but there's nothing we can do about it. And you must see the facts, Dís. I'm not immortal and if I die, who'll be in charge than? The dwarves will fight for the crown, and the strongest one wins. And in my experience, that's usually a bad thing.'

'That's not true, Dwalin will win.' I can't help that a little grin appears on my face, and Thorin chuckles. 'Yes, well, probably, but I don't think he'll join a fight to get the crown.'

Suddenly something pops into my mind. 'Balin is only three years younger than me, why can't he do that bloody ceremony?' I ask.

'I'm sure that there's a reason for that.' Thorin says, and I can hear that he knows what I'm thinking but doesn't want to say it. But I don't care, so I say it.

'Yes, grandmother would have looked through so many other options if other dwarves can't do it because she really doesn't want me to get the crown because I'll be a horrible queen.' I say, rolling my eyes again.

'Well, I don't think you would be a horrible queen, Dís, and-'

'No, it's the truth. I don't have a problem with that, but that's not the reason I don't want that stupid crown. I don't want it because if you die, it will constant remind me of you. I don't want to be called a princess now, because it keeps reminding me of Frerin who refused that people called him a prince. And if you're dead, I can't rule a kingdom. I probably won't do anything.'

'Dís, you mustn't think like that. You know I'm a warrior and it could be that I die, and if you stop living than-'

'Ha, you see!' I jump up, and Thorin quickly follows, looking a bit worried at me.

'What?' he asks.

'You wouldn't want me to stop living if you die, and that's exactly what Frerin has told you when he died. Don't lie to me mister, you told me he did and now don't tell me that that was a lie as well. Frerin doesn't want you to stop living either, and yet you do it anyway!'

Thorin, who hadn't expected any of this, looks startled for a moment but quickly regains himself, sort of.

'I'm not dead.' He says in a dead voice. Uh, the irony.

'Maybe, but you'll soon be if you ask me. And you don't really live as well. You live in the way that you breath, but not in the way that you enjoy it as well, that you feel alive.' The words stumble out of my mouth, feeling relieved that I finally got to say this.

Thorin seems to be doubting, like there's an angel and devil on his shoulders telling him what to do. To my relief, he apparently listens to the angel.

'Fine, than. I'll try to live, if you do so too. Now you shouldn't lie to me, because I can see you also stopped. I'm sorry if that's partly my fault, Dís.'

I don't say anything, and just think for a while. What would Frerin have done? He like obeying orders as much as I do. 'Alright. But I assume grandmother is going through with her plan, no matter how much I try to convince her to don't.'

Thorin slowly nods his head. 'She actually said to me that I needed to get you back.'

I look at him in disbelief. 'So _that's _why you came here?' I say angry.

'No, no! I came her because I wanted you to feel better again. I feel better myself, too, now. But it's an hour ago since she asked me, so she's going to kill me probably when she finds me again.'

I chuckle. 'If she's going to kill you for obeying her late, what is she going to do with me?'

Silently I feel really relieved that I seem to have find a way to make Thorin feeling better again. Grieving will take some while, I know. But I didn't expect the person that would solve the problem was the same person who had it. 

My grandmother remained sort of calm when she gave me another speech, and I simply nodded my head a few times. We both had send Thorin away, who had offered to stay to see if we didn't start our own private war, but neither of us cared for that either.  
>Sadly, she was getting really keen again on making another dress for me, so she was making another for me while I was trying to make a speech. I can't believe I'm doing this, I think and bang my head on the table. I stop when it hurts, and my grandmother gives me a warning glare. I grumble and continue writing in Khûzdul, the language I had to give the speech in. I could speak, read and write Khûzdul better than a lot of other dwarves, not because they weren't good at it but because I had become brilliant in it, not very modest but true.<p>

When she finally finished, I finally got to go and make jewellery. The expeditions for my father were half less, and in two days they'll be stopped. Thorin didn't want to, but even I had to convince him that we can't go on like this any longer.

* * *

><p>Two days later, everything was awfully busy; the dwarves were getting really excited out there, happy to have a king again. Also a king who didn't have a sickness in the mind for gold, and really listened to them, something that was beginning to fade with my grandfather and even my father. Although this should be a day to be sad on, I think. It constantly reminded me that grandfather, father and Frerin were dead.<p>

Still, I managed to convince my grandmother one thing: What I would do tomorrow, when it was Frerin's birthday, I got to do this evening. _Tomorrow I'll be crying through the day, _I think bitterly.

I put on another wonderful dress my grandmother made; Another long dress, in a blue-green colour this time, with golden edges and purple and green stitches what were dwarf runes. It could be seen as a strapless dress, though it was sewn together to the black sleeves which covered my whole arms, even the top of my hand, although I was wearing blue gloves so that was pointless. Around the neck (it was a really high dress for a change) there was a beautiful brooch that belongs to my grandmother.

My hair gets a thousand pins and braids, so that it's pinned up and looks more royal.

Finally, I get a huge purple cape with more dwarf runes on it in a darker colour of purple and blue shoes who are very different to the ones I usually wear, which are way more practical and more comfortable.

When I'm finally finished, I walk outside next to my grandmother, also in her own-made dress, and we walk towards a little hill. I hear songs, and this is the first time I hear dwarves singing happy songs again since I was ten years old. This is so wrong, I think. Shouldn't everyone be grieving about their former king, or didn't they care about him? Will they care if their new king dies?

Those horrible thoughts float away when I see Thorin coming. To my surprise, although I shouldn't be surprised, he looks like a real king. His posture, his clothing, just simply _him._

After his dreadful long ceremony (not even fifteen minutes, in Erebor it would be nearly three hours) I know that I'm the first one to pledge I need to serve him. It sounds so weird; serving my own brother. I should be serving him because I want to, not because there's some stupid law for it. Yet I get to do hit, take his hand and kneel before him.

'I, Dís, daughter of Thraín, solemnly swear to the king that I will serve him the rest of my life, obey his orders, give my life for him if I have to and treat his heirs as good as him, should he die before I die. I'll treat him with respect and dignity, and look up to him.' I pledge.

I suddenly remember a conversation I had yesterday with my grandmother when I needed to learn this thing.

'_And when you're finished, you kiss the ring on your king's hand.' Grandmother said._

'_Wait, what? I'm not going to kiss the hand of my own brother!' I say in disgust. It's always the other way around, not like this. _

'_Yes, you are Dís! And you kiss his ring, not his hand. Even the man do it, Dís.'_

I try not to grin as I lean forward to kiss his ring and stand up. Now I should give a speech, I thought. The one I had been preparing for the last two days. But the other dwarves didn't know that. They didn't knew what did and didn't come in this ceremony. The plan had been in my head immediately, and I almost thought it was sin for the speech. But I didn't want to let my grandmother win after she'd been so cruel. I couldn't.

I step back and raise my voice. 'The next one can pledge his or her honour to the king, if he or she wants to.' I say and take a few more steps to the back.

Thorin didn't know this either, but he doesn't move a muscle. I look from the corner of my eyes to my grandmother, who stood forward to pledge her services to her grandson. Her face didn't spoil anything, and she didn't look at me. She simply started her pledge. But I knew this wasn't over. Dwarf after dwarf came, and I thought it was never going to end. I'm surprised about how many dwarves did this ridiculous thing, but I didn't really care either.

I smile when my friend came with her baby, and give her the smallest nod so my grandmother wouldn't see it.

Finally, after more than an hour, every dwarf who wished to pledge his service to the king had done it, and a echo of 'Hail, king Thorin' boomed through the air. I join in, though not as loud as some from whom I hope they were drunk. Didn't look like that, though.

But now I knew it was my turn. Anxious, I take in Thorin's position, who walks a bit to the right. I try to remember what I had to say now, but my mind was so nervous I can't remember. I breath deep in and out a couple of times and look at the impatient crowd. What were the words, what was it that I needed to say right _now?_

They pop into my mind like birds crashing against the side of my head, going in there and leave a message. I clear my throat, although I don't really know why since my voice is fine and I've already got everyone's attention.

'I am Dís, daughter of Thraín, son Thror, and sister to king Thorin Oakenshield. I am his nearest sibling, since the king nor I have any heirs for the throne. If Thorin will die, and the situation is still the same, I shall take up the crown and lead the people of Durin, for I am a princess of Durin's line and know perfectly well how to rule a kingdom. Now the king is still alive, I also ask his permission.' Feeling quite anxious and smug at the same time because I remembered everything, I turn to Thorin and lower my head again.

'King Thorin Oakenshield, king of Durin's folk, will you agree for giving me the crown if you die and have no heirs to the throne who will follow you?' I ask, suddenly nervous for the answer. What if he suddenly was going to say no, because I didn't give my speech?

'Dís, daughter of Thraín, sister, I agree. When I'll die without heirs, the crown shall be yours.' He gives a small nod and I stand up straight again, feeling relieved.

I walk back, happy to have it all over with. I stride down the hill, happy to leave the crowd of dwarves behind me. I could see on some faces that their not happy about it all; well, that's not my problem, since I'm not happy about it either. I feel horrible, and awfully hollow inside.

Suddenly a hand on my shoulder makes me spin around. I face my grandmother, who was standing before me with furious eyes.

'Dís, what were you thinking?' she hisses. 'You can't simply skip that speech!'

'Actually, I can. I just did it. The dwarves didn't know it was coming, and seeing their faces they weren't really expecting it either. They didn't even notice, probably.'

This only makes her more angry, and I feel her grip painfully on my shoulder. Luckily we were out of sight for the other dwarves. 'This is madness-'

'No, your stupid ideas are madness!' I snarl, retreating my shoulder from here.

'Dís, you're a princess, a future queen maybe, you can't keep disobeying my orders. You have pledged your services to Thorin, so if he says he should do something, you must. All those lessons, remember, means you need to learn to obey instead of doing whatever you want and breaking the rules!'

I honestly couldn't care any less about this all, about being a bloody princess or breaking the rules. 'Well, grandmother, I do whatever I want when I'm a queen, I think. But I won't be one, I sincerely hope. Breaking the rules is more fun than I ever would've imagined, I really understand Frerin now.'

'Yes, Frerin never obeyed my rules either, and look how he ended up!'

Those words sting me more than a sword ever could, and my grandmother immediately seemed sorry for saying that, but when she saw she got me, she didn't say sorry.

But I pull myself together again. 'I have no problem obeying Thorin, because he never would ask me something like this, something this cruel. I know he wouldn't.'

With those words I walk away from her with a fast pass, leaving her behind her startled face. _Yes, cruel, _I think. I'm not planning to forgive her any time soon. Maybe I'm planning not to forgive her at all.


	12. Happy Birthday

**As I said before, this chapter takes place right after the previous one.  
>Not very long, but I like it.<strong>

**Hope you enjoy!**

Happy Birthday

I can still hear the dwarves cheer. This is the first time since Smaug came that they are really happy, and really celebrating something. It's making me quite angry, because I'm only reminded on this day about my ancestors and brother. If we still lived in Erebor, none of this would have happened. My whole family still would have lived, and hundreds of other dwarves as well. I can feel the anger grow inside of me. I turn my hands into fists and walk faster, although I don't know where I should be going to. Knowing looking at the picture would make me even more sad and angry I couldn't go there and quickly running to my own house was quite suspicious. Actually, I hadn't anywhere to go. I think back at the place with the waterfall and grey stones. I close my eyes and hear the familiar sounds of the waterfall, its cold water while the burning sun was shining on it, the feeling of snowballs in my neck and the laughter of both of my brothers. Why did those happy times have to go?

It won't take long I know for dwarves noticing that I'm gone, while I should be standing behind Thorin right now. Well, he have to stand alone for a while, 'cause I'm not coming back. I sigh and return home, ignoring the fuzz from the other dwarves who were starting to wonder where I was. Because I know I might have to return, I keep on the dress and everything. I start cleaning the dishes; a job I absolutely hate, but I've nothing else to do and being busy keeps my mind off things I don't want to think about.

When I'm finished I make up the bed, dust the rooms and make some lunch. As soon as I'm done with that as well, I go to the garden. Well, it wasn't really a garden, just a small place where I could keep some little things like firewood. And since it's really cold, I definitely need some. I remove my gloves and start collecting some pieces, but curse when my knuckle scratches hard against a block of wood, what immediately causes it to start bleeding quite a lot. To my annoyance the blood falls on my dress. '_Damn it.' _I snarl.

'Is everything all right?' I hear a familiar voice say coming from behind me.

I turn around quickly and see the blonde-haired dwarf standing there with a questioning and a bit worried look on his face. 'Can I help?' Grodri asks.

'No, I know how to pick up some little pieces of wood, thank you.' I say, luckily stopping myself just in time before I sweep the blood on my hand to my dress.

'Sorry,' he says with a guilty look that annoyed me even more because I immediately felt sorry for being mean to him, but I wanted to _be _angry on everyone, but his look made my heart soften a bit. 'I was just wondering where you were, so I came looking for you.' He continues, folding his hands together. 'I think you did it very well, if I may say so, lady Dís.'

I can't help to grin. 'Since when are you so shy? You can just call me Dís, you know that. And thank you, Grodri. But I felt like a fool up there. I should be holding a speech, you know. I promised it to my grandmother, and to Thorin as well, but I don't want to so I simply didn't do it. How stupid is that?' I say, though I'm not quite sure why I tell him.

'That's not stupid. You're the most stubborn dwarf Mahal will ever know, and if that means you need to lie to get your way, you will.' He replies. I'm not really sure if that was meant as a compliment or an insult. But still, I know he's right. If only a lie could make me get what I want, I would lie. I was even prepared to go way beyond that, probably.

'Perhaps you're right,' I say. 'but I don't understand why everyone is so happy. This only reminds me of grandfather, father and Frerin. If they wouldn't be dead, this wouldn't have to happen right now and I didn't need to make that stupid oath. You've no idea what my grandmother all said about it. It makes me feel like I'm a monster who's after the throne; but I'm not!' I say, starting to talk more to myself than to my dear friend. I kick against the wall of my house. My toes hurt, but I conceal it like I was told to do, and only make irritated and angry noises.

'I know you're not, Dís, everybody knows that. The only thing is that you don't know it. But it's a tradition that it happens, to make sure the crown is safe, and kept in the line of Durin, because they are born to be kings, or even a queen if that must be so.'

I look at him with a half confused, half angry expression. 'Screw tradition!' I yell. 'I've already broken a lot of rules, now I'm also breaking tradition; you think that will make me a good queen?' I growl, and if my toes didn't hurt so much right now I would kick the wall again.

'You haven't broken so many rules, Dís. And you haven't broken tradition.' I can hear he almost wanted to say 'not yet' and I don't even blame him for that. Some things will only be a matter of time. I give out a deep sigh. For some reason I just wanted to fall into his arms, telling everything that's bothering me so he could make it all okay again while I was leaning with my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat and smell his nice, thick blond hair.

Instead I let out another growl and shoot him some extra angry looks. 'Is there anything else?' I ask, a hint of annoyance coming through my voice.

'Are you coming back with me?' he asks.

'Why should I come back with you? Are they still doing something?'

'Well, you can also go back alone. They're actually kind of waiting for you. Thorin is sort of distracting them, and he said to me to tell you that if you go, you better hurry.'

I think for a moment and only answer his question. 'That sounds like a better option, goodbye.' Now officially hating myself, I turn around and walk back inside, trying to push back the urge to go back and flung my arms around his neck.

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><p>I quickly wash the blood of my hand, but it had already dried on my dress, and it's impossible to get it off right now. Hoping no one would notice, I shove back on the gloves, opening the front door and standing up as straight as I could.<p>

I walk back to the other dwarves; even if I didn't know where they were, I could also just follow the sound, or extreme noise, whatever you'd like to call it. I know this would be a perfect day for orcs to attack, so I hope that they really aren't here.

Arriving there, I stick my chin up in the air and walk past them. I can't see grandmother right now, but it would be very, very hard to miss Thorin. He was surrounded by so many dwarves, and he was the most royal looking of them all. His hear, exactly the same as mine in every way, had more braids in it than usual and I thought it looked even better.

I somehow manage to shuffle through the crowd of dwarves, while I remain looking royal with my chin up in the air and walking up straight.

When I finally arrive next to Thorin, I can hear him softly whispering. 'Why did you go away?' he didn't sound angry, more concerned. I wasn't really used to that from him, so with a surprised tone I whisper back: 'I had to, grandmother would've killed me in front of all the other dwarves. And I just needed to get away.'

I turn my head away before he can whisper something back, and greet some dwarves who were staring at us. I finally saw my grandmother standing in the distance, staring at Thorin and me. I try to see her expression, but for that I'm standing to far away. She's not really standing that far away, but very much to my annoyance my sight of seeing in the distance was getting worse. This quite concerned me, because I used to see very good in the distance, better than most dwarves, and that's why I also was better in archery than a lot of other dwarves. But with my sight getting worse, something that was essential with archery, was giving me some nervous and concerning idea's. But right now it didn't matter, I had other things to worry about. Number one: saying hello to every dwarf standing here. And, to inform you, that are quite a damn lot of dwarves.

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><p>I still don't know how (mostly because I don't care) but I managed to say hello to every dwarf yesterday and have a little chat with them. At the end, I was so totally exhausted that I immediately went to bed, let the jewellery that I had to make today laying unfinished on the table and fall asleep as soon as I was changed and in bed. I knew that it meant that I had a lot of jewellery to make today to catch up, but that wasn't really bothering me. I was always busy, but since it's Frerin's birthday I wanted to work as hard as I could to forget all sort of things.<p>

I stand up very early in the morning; it's still very dark outside and almost every dwarf is still asleep. I dress, eat something and abandon my house. This early in the morning it's really freezing could outside; I would make a fire as soon as I get back home. But I was planning to stay somewhere else the time before everybody would get up.

Standing before my fathers house, I can see that someone's already inside; the door isn't locked. I open it and shut it behind me, walking to the end of the hallway like so many times before. A familiar person was sitting on the floor, what makes me frown; he usually always sat on the chair behind the desk. His head turns my way and I give him a weak smile. He returns it with an ever weaker smile and I walk to the desk. On it I place a big candle I took with me when I left the house. I make a small fire and light the candle. The light of the candle gives some extra light for the lamps, and it shines upon the picture. I look at the trio on it.

'Happy birthday, Frerin.' I say softly.

I walk backwards and sit next to Thorin, my eyes always fixed on the second youngest dwarf on the picture.

'Happy birthday, Frerin.' The dwarf next to me repeats the words for his little brother.


	13. Guilty

**I think I really like this chapter a lot, so I hope you do too!  
>Though I feel sorry for Dís.<br>**

**Thank you again for those really sweeeet reviews, I love them!**

**Don't know when the next chapter will be coming but I hope a.s.a.p!**

**Keep those reviews coming!  
><strong>

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><p><span>Guilty<span>

'Hit it!' I yell satisfied, while I turn around with sparkling eyes to the dwarf behind me.

'Oh, yes, killing a thing that's already dead is really hard.' He says with a roll of his eyes. 'Especially when you've been throwing daggers since you were eleven, while your forty-six now. And, not to forget, always busy killing things that are running away from you because you scare the hell out of them.' He continues with a smirk on his face.

'Yes, yes mister optimistic. But I'm still better at it than you are, and you're older than me. And I have a better skill with a bow and arrow as well.' I say, and before he could reply I turned around again and throw some other daggers at the dead creatures who were bound against a tree. I had killed these orcs yesterday, and because I was bored (since I don't have to work every hour of the day anymore) I had strangled them with a rope against some trees, and pushed Grodri along with me. I wanted to throw my knifes in their heads, and I had the excuse that I wanted to train myself again in knife throwing. Of course this was really easy for me, since they wouldn't move at all, and as Grodri said I've been doing this since I was eleven and now I'm forty-six. Seven years had passed already since we have moved here to the Blue Mountains, and not many orcs had attacked us since then. Yesterday they did, but I killed the most of them by myself, because I happen to run in them before they arrived at the mountains, and it weren't that many. And I was way more violent than they had thought as well.

I hear Grodri coming to stand next to me, but I'm to lazy to turn around again.

'I'm only a couple of years older than you and I've been starting at the _proper_ age for my training, which is, as you know, twelve and not ten.' He protest but I shrug and snigger.

'Jealous, are you?' I ask and collect the knives I had thrown into their dead and now smashed up body's. When I'm finished I walk back to him. 'Shall we go back? I think I'm done with cutting them open. It's more fun when you hear them scream of pain.' I say bitterly.

Grodri gives me a look I can't fully place, somewhere between disgusted or horrified and distrust. 'You know, that sounds really sinister and creepy.'

I shrug again and start walking. 'What, don't you think these foul creatures deserve it, to be tortured? They murdered most of my family, and I know some of yours too.'

Grodri gives up and follows me. 'Don't you think you should put those orcs away?' he remembers but I shake my head. 'Sure?'

'Yes, I'm sure.' I say annoyed. No is no, how difficult is that? Fortunately he gets the hint and is quiet for the rest of the way. I feel a bit sorry again but don't say so. The last time I was being a bit more rude and shorter to Grodri, while he had done nothing wrong, and he's my best friend. I suppress a sigh and we return to the others. It was evening, and I was really hungry.

'I'm going to make dinner and bring it to Thorin, I'll see you later.' I say and walk to my home, throwing my weapons on the couch once I arrive. Thorin was the only one who didn't seem to get the hint that we don't have to work as much as we used to. No, it's still not Erebor, but it's way better than that murderous place we lived before. He didn't listen to me that much and neither to Grodri, also his best friend. I tried to avoid my grandmother as much as I could, since she's still angry with me. But she didn't murder me, so I'm fine. But the last thing I would do was asking her for help, perhaps I would rather die. And Thorin wouldn't listen to grandmother either, since he's a king and thinks he can do whatever he wants. He works for the people and I couldn't be more proud of him, but he doesn't sleep that much and takes no more than a twenty-minute break for his dinner. I hope that if I prepare it for him, he would spent some more time eating it and rest a bit longer.

I decide to eat myself after I brought his meal to him, and walk to the forge. He, Grodri, Dwalin and three other dwarves worked there. Grodri and another dwarf come from a family who had always made weapons, in Erebor as well, so they couldn't find anything else that made them feel more home. The others weren't as enthusiastic, especially Thorin and Dwalin. It was Grodri's day off, so they worked with the five of them right now, but another had already a family so he would probably be home already to spent the rest of the remaining day with his wife and children.

But when I arrive there, it looks like nobody's there. The light were still burning and things lay half finished on tables. Even the thing where they put their swords in to heat them looked still very hot. Hammers were laying next to the swords, but some were laying on the floor like someone dropped them. But there was not a single sound, shadow, movement or person to be seen, not even a mouse. I call their names; but my voice echo's through the place and sends a shiver down my spine. I call again, looking around and behind doors, and even outside I go around the building, but they're nowhere to be found. They could be home already, but they never left so early, especially not Thorin, and why didn't they put the lights out and put everything back into place than? I feel the concern inside me, but I try to suppress it as I quickly go back inside and call all of their names for another time, even Grodri who isn't supposed to be here. My heart stocks as I stare before me; I knew this place, it was the place where they put the finished, sharp weapons once they were finished. And it was completely empty. A worrying sickness bounces against my stomach and head and before I can turn around I hear a high-pitched scream. But dwarves have a really low voice, even I can't scream that high. My heart tightens when I realize what that scream was. It was an orc.

Where did it come from? I pick up some half-finished weapons what really concerns me, but I need some weapons and I had left mine accidently on the couch. I run outside, but the place was looking the same as it had done when I came out some moments ago. I look around, and can hear some other screams, of dwarves this time, in the distance and I see some of us also running towards the place. I follow them, but when I finally arrive there the battlefield seems to be over already, but that better be; my jaw drops open and my eyes widen of shock when I see the place. Dwarf blood mixed with orc blood was laying all over the place, even some chopped of hands or heads or other body parts. Dwarves on the ground are screaming and crying from the pain; orcs as well, but not for long, because the dwarves that had gotten here before me buried their swords in their chests. I close my eyes for a moment, but when I open them, what I see before me now is worse. I stand here staring feeling dizzy for a moment, not even noticing that I drop the weapons. I run and fall on my knees next to Dwalin, who was also kneeling for a very familiar person; My brother. 

He seems unconscious, and sadly doesn't react when I slap him in the face, what I keep doing until Dwalin pulls back my hands. I scream my brother's name, but not even a muscle of him moves. Maybe he isn't unconscious at all. Maybe he's dead. 'Thorin! Thorin!' I yell desperately, and look around the place, tears welling up in my eyes. 'Quickly, take him home! Get Óin, make sure he has everything he needs!' I yell to no one in particular, but a lot of dwarves, one of them I recognize as Balin, Dwalin's brother, obey me.

I look at Dwalin's sad eyes, what make me lose all hope. He had always been worried about his friend, but this look in his eyes was far beyond worried. It seems like he had almost already given up hope, but I can see he hasn't yet. He never does. 'What was it?' I whisper with a thick voice. 'His head was smashed against that rock, and he got a smash from a sword. I immediately killed the orc, but Thorin already seemed unconscious.' He answers, nodding with his head towards the rock. When I look at it I feel like throwing up and immediately divert my eyes. The point of the rock was covered with blood, and the side was full of blood splashes. I had already seen the huge wound on his face, and I didn't care to look at it again. I can also see where an orc had smashed him with his sword; across his chest was a bloody red line. I feel his pulse, and for a moment my world seems to stop; but then I feel the beating of his heart against my finger tips, and I allow myself to let out a relieved sigh. He's still alive, but for how long?

A group of dwarves, with Óin amongst them, pick up Thorin and carry him to his house.

'Lady Dís, if-' Dwalin starts but I immediately interrupt him.

'Yes, please go and help them. I follow.' I say and with a nod Dwalin runs after the others. I can't bear to look around and close my arms around me, slowly following the others to Thorin's house. What if he died? I would be all alone, and he certainly didn't deserve to die. He was so tired from all that work, what if he didn't have enough strength to fight against those wounds? It was especially the head wound I'm worried about. He couldn't die, he couldn't go away like Frerin did! I try to not let the tears run down my cheek, but when you're brother is dying that is very hard. I breathe deep in and out to get less dizzy, but it doesn't help really. All I can think about is that he will die and that I can never see him again.

When I walk into his house, he had just been placed on his bed, Óin immediately starting with his work. I know he's very good at all this, but even the best medicine dwarf couldn't help everyone when they were to close to dead already. I desperately wanted to ask some question to the dwarves who were in the room taking care of my brother, their king, but they were to busy. I decide that helping is more useful than pondering or moaning, and do whatever I can to help saving my brother. I run to the kitchen to fetch some water for cleaning the wound and finding extra bandages for Óin.  
>I carefully push his blood-stained hair out of the way and lay the cold watery cloth around the wound, cleaning the wound as much as I can to give Óin a better sight so he could disinfect it. With trembling hand who were now also slightly covered with blood, I remember what Thorin once told me when I was sting with an orc blade. They were almost always infected, so it didn't have to be a big wound to die; a scratch was enough to let it poison you. Still trying not to cry, I leave the head wound to Óin for disinfecting and start working where he was smashed with a sword on the chest so that Óin immediately could continue. The other dwarves luckily do the best they can as well with already doing other things or simply handing things over to Óin. 'I'm going to make stitches.' He mumbles without looking up from his work. I nod, press my lips together to not ask a million questions, or just if he will make it, and say: 'I'll wait outside. Thank you, Óin.' I say and leave the room. I don't need to see that.<br>Because the kitchen seemed to far away, although it's not more than a couple of steps, I sit down on the floor right next to the door. If there's something, I can immediately open the door and be there. I press my arms over my legs and lay my chin on my knees. I don't feel hungry anymore. I left the meal for him at the forge, but I wonder if he will ever wake again. I blink with tired eyes, hoping to hear news from my brother as soon as possible. But the first news that came was late in the middle of the night, after I had been sitting on the floor for hours, trying not to fall asleep. How could I fall asleep if my brother was dying in the room next to me? My sleep will without a doubt be also invested with nightmares about dead bleeding dwarves, Frerin, and Thorin who might follow him now. I don't even _want _to sleep.

My heart jumps when the door opens and all the dwarves, except for Óin, come out their king's room. 'And? Has he already woken yet?' I ask, knowing the answer. If that had happened they would have immediately called for me, and they wouldn't look so sad.

'I'm sorry, Dís. He stayed the same for the rest of the evening.' Dwalin says.

I give a deep sigh, and lay my head in my neck and stare against the ceiling.

'Thank you Dwalin. You can go if you want to, the others as well.' I hear them all mumbling something, but I don't listen to them and my gaze stays fixed on the ceiling. I hear them all leave, except for Dwalin. I would've been surprised if he left, to be honest.

'Are you okay?' I ask. 'Any wounds? I know Óin is busy with my brother, but I can also do some little things.'

'I'm okay, thank you. But if you wouldn't mind, I would like to stay here to see if Thorin is okay.' He says.

I lower my head and look at him, trying not to yawn. 'That's alright, Dwalin. Would you maybe like something to eat, or drink?' I ask.

'No, thank you. I'll take something to drink myself.' He says, leaving the hallway and walks to the kitchen. 'Do you need anything, Dís?' he asks before he opens the door.

I yawn again, and lay down on the floor, my hand underneath my head. 'My brother.' I answer, knowing that he couldn't do anything about that; but it is what I want and all that I need right now.

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><p>Later that night, or shall I say, very early in the morning, I feel a hand on my shoulder waking me up. 'Dís, wake up. I want to speak to you.' A soft voice says. I blink my eyes and look into the brown eyes of Óin. 'Of course.' I quickly stand up, rub my eyes and walk with him to the living room; Dwalin's already sitting there, and I'm surprised to see the anxious look in his eyes. I know it's stupid that is surprises me; he's a dwarf like me and can feel scared too, yet somehow Dwalin never seemed scared. Or had he already been told something that I don't know yet?<p>

My heart feels like a cold, frozen hand pinches it so hard that it might break into a million shattered pieces; what certainly will happen if they tell me Thorin's not going to make it. Maybe he's already dead, and that's why Óin wants to talk to me and Dwalin is looking so anxious. I seat myself next to him, with slightly trembling hand which I hide between my legs.

'What is it you want to tell us, Óin?' I ask, Dwalin's look reflected in my voice. I possibly couldn't keep it steady, and my heart never had never beaten so fast.

After the dwarf sat down, he looks at us and speaks. 'As you might have guessed already, Thorin has serious brain damage, and he is lucky not to have broken anything; the cut in his chest is not very deep, but I'm afraid it could've been infected. He's still unconscious, but I don't think for long anymore. When he will wake, he will be in terrible pain. You must give him this – he handed over some medicines – to ease his pain. With the slightest thing, please come to me. When he wakes up, let me check him again. Make sure he has new bandages every two hours, and wake him up than.' He stops for a moment and sighs, looking regretful.

'I'm not sure if he's going to make it.' He finally says.

'But he is from the line of Durin, he is one of the strongest dwarves! He _must _make it, Óin.' I say, knowing Frerin was just as much from the line of Durin as Thorin is.

'He's strong indeed, Dís. And he's fighting for his life right now, you must now that. But about some things, no one can do anything. This is one of those cases, sadly. At the moment, nothing more can be done.' He answers me.

'But I must do something, I can't just sit here and let him fight for his life without any help. I will help him, Óin. Can he hear me if I talk to him?'

He shrugs. 'We don't know that. Some say they can, but I'm not sure.'

I sigh deeply and close my eyes for a few seconds.

'How did it happen?' Óin asks. Something I wanted to know for a very long time now already. I look at Dwalin, waiting for the explanation.

'We were working at the forge as usual. Suddenly we heard orc battle cries in the distance, we dropped our weapons and took all of the best weapons we had. They had already killed some dwarves who lived at the edge of the mountains; without us they all would've died. We attacked them, and they seemed furious. I hear Thorin asking why they were attacking us again, so shortly from the previous attack and why they seemed to be extra furious, calling names of other orcs. They answered that they were revenging other orcs of their group, and that they found them bound to trees with smashed open bodies. That's all we know. We started to fight and they fought back, of course. Well, you know the end.' Dwalin ends his story, but I wasn't listening anymore.

I started trembling and I keep feeling a lot of shivers down my spine. _Revenging other orcs of their group, and that they found them bound to trees with smashed open bodies, _he said. I knew exactly what orcs he was talking about. It were the orcs _I _ had smashed open, bound them to trees, and killed them in the first place. It was _me. _I jump from my seat, causing Dwalin and Óin to look at me in surprise.

I remember all the blood, the chopped of body parts, my dying brother…

This was _my _fault.

'This is my fault!' I cry, wishing there was a knife I had so I could immediately kill myself.


	14. Would you forgive me?

**Chapter fourteen already, I feel like wow!  
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**So, not a full sad chapter!  
>This takes place right after the previous one, again.<strong>

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><p><span>Would you forgive me?<span>

They still are looking confused to me, this time astonished.

'Dís, what are you talking about? How can this be your fault?' Dwalin asks as he gets up from his seat as well and looks questioning at me.

'Y-you said that they were revenging some orcs… I killed them.' I stumble, panic coming through my voice, not able to conceal it.

'Dís, we all kill orcs, they're our enemy, so I still don't really get-'

'I hang them up those trees and smashed them open! I was taking Grodri with me earlier this day to say I would be training knife daggers but I, I…' I was not going to say _that. _'When I was finished Grodri asked me if I shouldn't take them down, but I refused to. Now look what's happened! The orcs found them with smashed open bodies, so they took their revenge on other dwarves, who are now dead because of me!' My voice cracks and I try not to scream and go mental. If Thorin woke and heard his little sister scream like a maniac, it wouldn't really help.

But this knowledge kills me inside, that _I_ am the reason dwarves had died. Only because I was lazy, and mostly, sinister. The reason I didn't want to take them down was because I liked them hanging there dead, with smashed open bodies. Living in a place where attacks was a weekly thing, I had become more violent. But since Frerin was killed by these creatures, I realize now, I was getting sinister. Something that was actually the opposite of Frerin, who thought that every dead creature was a waist. Than why did I become like this?

There was a heavy silence hanging in the room, and both dwarves looked at me. I couldn't read their minds, and I give them a puzzled look, hating the silence. Why didn't they say something, shout at me for being the most stupid dwarf on earth?

'I didn't mean too, really! If I had known that this would happen, I really would not have even started. But I can't undo it now, and those dwarves are dead, Thorin is dying and – my breath falters – those orcs are still hanging there, I need to hide them before any others find them!' I realize, hoping, praying that no one has, not an orc or a dwarf.

But when I run off Dwalin stops me, pulling me back. 'Dís, everyone will know that you didn't mean this to happen, but sadly it did now.' I'm not sure if he speaks the truth, because there is such an angry tone in his voice. 'But if Thorin wakes up, you'll need to be there with him.' I know that he's right, but those orcs needed to be gone right _now._ What if other orcs were wondering where the others went, and they would find them? And how big is the change that Thorin stays awake?

'But you know I need to, we can't have another orc attack at the moment. Please, let me go!' I beg.

'Fine, but you need to take someone with you. I'll go with you.' He says while he releases my arm.

'No, please, stay with my brother. He needs a familiar face when he wakes up, but you don't know where the orcs are and telling you takes to much time, so you stay with him. Don't worry, I'll take someone else with me; someone who knows where they are.' I say, and with a nod of Dwalin and Óin, both not very happy about it, I take up my brother's weapons and run away from the house.

The concerning feeling makes me sicker and sicker and my stomach roll. Please, be home, I think when I knock with my brother's blood covered hands on the door.

I just wanted to kick the door open, since no one was opening it, but before I could (luckily) someone opened it.

'Grodri, I need your help, please come with me right now!' I say, more commanding than asking.

'What on earth is the matter, Dís?' He suddenly notices the blood on my hands. 'By Mahal, are you alright?' He says worryingly as he grabs my hands with his.

'I'm-' _fine, _I wanted to say, but that's not true. You can't be fine if your brother is dying and you're the reason why.

'It's not my blood; it's Thorin's. There was an orc attack because of me, because I'm a ridiculous, sinister fool, and I need help from you again to clean up my dirty mess; I'm sorry, I'll repay you later. But we need to hurry, maybe even more lives can go.'

I'm already turning around, but he seizes my wrist and turns me around. 'Is Thorin dead? And Dís, what are you talking about, what mistakes, and what do you mean more lives can go?' he asks, not having the slightest clue from what's going on and I feel sorry for him, but we really haven't got time for that.

'Thorin's alive, but unconscious and he maybe isn't even going to make it. Than I've killed my own brother, though not by my own hands. I mean that we can be attacked any minute again if we do not hurry, so please, hold your questions and come with me.' I demand, freeing my wrist and running away, hoping that he would follow. Lucikly, he does.

I keep running, and keep cursing myself for what I've done. But before there's another disaster, I should stop it. Oh, how heroic, though it would be my fault if another disaster happens. Oh, how ironic.

Because the place was reasonably far away from where the dwarves live, and dwarves aren't known for being the best runners in the world, I was a little out of breath when I arrive at the place. The smashed up orc corpses are still there, smelling even worse this time.

'We… We need to hide them, somewhere they can't be found, especially not by orcs. I say lets burry them.' I say, slowly regaining my breath.

Grodri frowns, looking at the orcs he had seen earlier this day, but doesn't say anything. I start untying the ropes from where I had bound them together against the trees, but eventually take the sword to cut them through. We haven't got ages, and I'm still lazy. But mostly it helps with my anger to cut the ropes through. I would prefer to stick the sword in their bodies again and again and again for what they've done now, almost killed my other brother, the only one I have left, but that would probably one make it worse.

As the last orc is freed, he falls on the ground with a dull sound. But not that loud that I couldn't hear that noise which doesn't belong here. I slowly turn around, fear knotted in my body, and before me are standing even more orcs.

'Grodri?' I whisper between my teeth, and I hear him turn around, hearing a very little gasp. I wonder if they had already seen the dead orc bodies on the floor; they surely would have.

'Now?' I ask, waiting for his approval.

'Now.' He says, and with that word he takes his beloved sword, where Frerin and he were always talking about, and with a scream we run forward; with a not strange fury I slice their heads off, cut their arms or legs of, or pierce my sword through their body.

Was it strange to enjoy this? Shouldn't killing other things make you feel bad? But how could you possibly feel bad about killing these murderous creatures, especially if they murdered most of your family.

Luckily, it were not too many orcs. I have only some cuts and bruises, and a very slight wound that I hardly feel. Grodri even looks like he could also just have come back from a training session. 'Shall we bury them with the other orcs?' I ask, and after I approving nod I start digging.

I didn't bring anything like a shuffle, so I simply start with my hand, and Grodri does the same. After half an hour all the orcs are buried quite deep in the ground, and our hand and fingernails are completely black. I look around if there's one we had missed, but the space is orc-free. Well, except for the ones underneath the ground, than.

On our way home I explain everything to him, and I thought he would have shouted at me, or get really angry, or do something else like that which he has the full right to do so – but he does nothing, except from listening to the story and give me a compassionate stare.

'Why are you looking like that to me? I'm a monster.' I say with a disgusted voice.

'You really are _not _a monster, Dís. You didn't know this would happen, and blaming yourself doesn't have much use.' He simply says.

'What do you mean with that? It's my fault, no one else is to be blamed but me. Even you, Grodri, are not blamed for this. I should've listened to you but as usual, I didn't.'

He even chuckles at that, to my surprise. 'Actually, I would be highly surprised if you listened to anyone. You're more stubborn that Mahal himself. But, well, it is your fault, but still, blaming yourself doesn't have any use. You can't get any further with that. You haven't cried either, I can see that, since you know that's not useful. Why would this be useful than?'

I shake my head in disbelief. 'I've had years training not to cry, what are you thinking? And these are two totally different things, you really should see that.'

He opens hit mouth to react, but I change the subject. 'Are you coming with me to Thorin? I don't think he has woken since I was gone, but he might have and he'll probably wants to see you.' I say, and suddenly realize something, something worse than I could ever imagine.

'Mahal- As soon as he knows the truth, he would never want to face me again. He'll despise me for what I've done, and that he's dying because of what I've done!' I freak out, keen on banging my head to the tree over there.

'Dís, he is not going to despise you for that!' he says and takes my shoulders, looking straight into my eyes as he shakes me through.

'How would you know that?!' I yell alarming.

'I don't hate you either right now, and I'm your friend. He's your brother. I know he will understand.' He says calmly, looking very sure of himself.

'But you aren't dying.' I say this time, though the words strangle me, I quiet down a bit.

'No, I'm not.' Is all he says and drags me along with him, finally arriving at Thorin's house.

'Are you ready?' he asks and lays his grip on the doorknob.

'No.' I reply.

Like he didn't hear me say that, he opens the door and walks through the hallway into the living room and says hello to the two other dwarves.

'We have buried the orcs, along with others we have killed who were attacking us.' I inform, feeling a bit stronger again, regaining back into my position as a princess.

'Have you checked Thorin yet? Is he awake already, or did something else happen?' I ask carefully, afraid of the answer. What if he had died in the time I was gone? But before I could think that, Óin luckily answers.

'We have checked him, but nothing has happened. He's still unconscious and we have given him a new bandage over his head, that's it.' He says.

It makes me feel relieved and horrible at the same time. He didn't get any worse, but he didn't get any better either.

'What do we do now?' I ask, already knowing the answer.

'Just wait.' Óin says, sitting down on a chair, followed by Dwalin and Grodri.

'I hate waiting.' I mumble as I sit down myself.

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><p>Óin stayed inside the house, checking Thorin every twenty minutes to see if something happened, but nothing ever did. I had made food for all of us, but we barely ate. Dwalin and Grodri left when the sun started to rise, and I went to Thorin's room. I brushed his hair away, looking at his close eyes. <em>Please, wake up. Come back for me, don't die! <em>I pleaded, but no reaction came.

I had sat myself down in a chair, keeping my face fixed on his. Óin had arrived to check him one last time, before he had to excuse himself. The battle claimed more lives from dwarves, and some were also heavily wounded, and he really needed to go away. He had said that I should call him whenever I needed him. I know he had to go away, but it makes me feel extra helpless, because I couldn't do everything he could. He assured me that I wouldn't get in trouble, that Thorin seemed to be unconscious for a while.

Now I'm still watching at his face, or more staring at it without actually seeing anything, my mind far away. _If he dies, than it'll be your fault, _a particular annoying voice keeps saying in my head.

But my thoughts are interrupted when he suddenly stirs. 'Thorin?' I ask hopefully, flying out of my chair and carefully sit on the edge of his bed, cupping his cheek.

'Dís?' his voice cracks and his very soft, but I lean closer to him and take his hand in mine.

'Hush, don't talk.' I whisper, suddenly realizing that's quite stupid because he is only half conscious, and there's a bandage over one of his ears, so he probably didn't hear me.

'I've such a headache.' He mumbles, blinking his eyes, staring into mine.

'I know, that's why you need to stop talking. I take care of you; don't worry.' I say louder this time, and he seems to hear it. My bottom lip begins to tremble uncontrollably and my eyes get watery. 'Please, don't die. Will you ever forgive me?' I do everything I can not to cry, because I know it will make him upset to see me cry. How much longer will he care about that, when he finds out the truth? Maybe he's going to kill me right away, if he survives this.

'I'm fighting for you, Dís. But what do you mean, forgive me? You've done nothing wrong.' He says, not-understanding.

'Yes I have.' I bite my lip until I taste blood, but Thorin loses his conscious again and slowly closes his eyes. I watch his chest rise and fall, steadily.

How long will he have to go on like this? Dying, not knowing the truth? And he said he's fighting for me, but if he wins that fight and finds out that I'm not worth it? Will he stop fighting than? That can't happen!

I kiss his hand and lay it back on the bed. No, I won't let that happen.

Later that day, Óin came again and said that I need to get some sleep. It's true that I haven't slept since yesterday, unless you count the short while from tonight where I was having horrible nightmares, which I will have now as well, without a doubt.

Looking for the one person who can comfort me, at least the only one who's conscious, I give Thorin a kiss on the forehead as I leave him to Óin to examine him.

I sit down on the couch, Grodri sitting next to me, looking at me with worried eyes when I tell him my own worries. I honestly don't know a single reason why he always wants to listen to my annoying whining, but he said every time that he didn't care, so I slowly was feeling okay with it.

'How on earth am I going to tell him this, Grodri? I don't want him to hate me, but how else could he if he knows the truth. I despise myself for it as well, so why wouldn't he?' I put down the cup on the table with a hard sound and lay my head in my hands, helplessly thinking of something. 'He said he was fighting for me, and I know why: I'm all he has. But he has nothing than, and for whom should he be fighting than, apart for himself? Erebor, perhaps. But I can't live either if he's hating me, that would be the most horrible thing in the world.' I sigh and look at Grodri, who seems to be thinking.

'If the situations were turned around, he did what you did and you were in his position?' he asks, looking up me. I look back into his blue-green eyes, and I suddenly feel so keen to push my face into his chest and cry it all out. But not only that, also to hold him close to me and never let him go.

'Well, Thorin wouldn't be such a fool as me and he wouldn't even have the orc bodies smashed open. And even if he would do that, he still would be cleverer that me and hide them. He would've listened to you.'

'Really?' he asks now, a amusing undertone in his voice. 'I know him as much as you do, so you should know that he's very much like you in that way and wouldn't listen to me either. I wouldn't even listen to myself.' He says.

I shrug, though he's probably right about that. Suddenly something comes to my mind.

'But, I just don't understand- we kill orcs all the time, and they found other dead orc bodies more than once as well. And orcs never care about each other, they even kill each other sometimes. Why would they revenge them?' I feel a sudden flinch of hope in me. Maybe this wasn't my fault, and the orc was just lying.

'Well, you know… You really are quite sinister, and their bodies were completely smashed open; it was a horrible look, I still don't get how I didn't vomit.' He admits.

I look at him, but unwillingly the corners of my mouth go a little upwards.

'You're a sissy, you know that?' I say, shaking my head.

'Perhaps. But I'm not sure if I'd rather be a sissy than sinister, to be honest.' He says.

'I don't want to be sinister either! It's just, I was always violent, but since Frerin died it had gotten beyond that; I want to see those damn orcs hurt, thinking about what they've done to my family.' My hands tighten into fists and my knuckles turn white.

He takes my fists and unfolds them again, probably just on time before my fingernails would make the inside of my hand bleed. 'Calm down, now.' He says, laying my hand on my knees.

'I know what you mean, and I feel that way as well. I know a lot of dwarves feel that.' He says in a hushed tone that makes me almost sleepy, and the urge that I want to lay against him gets annoyingly bigger, almost unbearable. I really couldn't have that right now.

'Than why I'm the only one being so sinister?' I ask irritated.

'Because you express it. You don't want to listen to anyone to tell you what to do, you do whatever you want and break the rules, remember?' he says, somehow making it sound logical and sweet at the same time.

I look up into his blue-green eyes again. 'I like that.' He says with a small smile.

Really unable to hold it back anymore, I fall against his side, my head resting upon his shoulder. But it was like this isn't close enough, and my heart seems to beat only faster, only a bigger desire entering my mind, heart and body. What on earth is the matter with me?

He puts two finger under my chin and make me look into those eyes again. Suddenly I know.

'Hey, don't worry. We'll figure something out and make Thorin healthy again. I'm sure he won't be mad at you.' He says with such a gentle tone it sends a shiver down my spine.

'I think it's time I need to go back to him.' I quickly say, ready to move, but he stops me.

'Not before I've done this.' He says with a sweet, big smile. Finally, I feel those warm, soft lips touching mine. And I can't do anything else but throwing my arms around my neck to lean closer to him, close my eyes and enjoy this one moment where I kiss him back.


	15. How ironic things can be

**Another chapter!  
>You must realize that I took this time while I could read my book ;p<br>****Lol, I really like the end of this chapter. **

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><p><strong><strong>How ironic things can be

I wake up, blinking my eyes to let them adjust to the bright light shining through the thin curtains and stretch. I roll out of bed and put on my dress, still feeling half asleep. After I had kissed Grodri, I said goodbye to him and went to Thorin to check on him again. Óin was still there and said nothing had happened, but I told him that he had been awake for some seconds. I didn't tell what he had said, because I don't want anyone to know. Unfortunately, Óin had noticed that I still hadn't slept, so I was sent off to my own house to catch up with some sleep.

I had slept now for several hours, but I was still very tired. Yet I didn't want to sleep any longer, I want to be there for my brother. I was dying to know if something had happened, good or bad. I hope for the best, but I know I must be prepared for the worst. If the worst did happen, I would never forgive myself. It's wrong for me to think that something good might have happened; something good never happens. Well, apart from that kiss. I had thought my smile would be on my face for a while, but with a single thought of Thorin it had faded away again.

Opening the front door to his home, I call out. 'Óin, are you still here?'

I couldn't hear a reply, and it makes me worry. Someone must watch Thorin, right? What if he would wake up and need something, but no one was there? Óin had also said that if he was awake, he would need painkillers and other medicine, and that he needed to be wake every two hours. I run down the hallway, not caring to take of my cloak and only right before the door I remember to be as noiseless and careful as possible.

With a slightly trembling hand, I turn the doorknob, sticking my head around it first. Thorin seemed to be asleep, and there was a dark figure sitting in the corner. It took me a moment or two to realize who it was. 'Balin? Balin, is that you?' I whisper, carefully closing the door behind me once I've entered the room.

The dark figure moves, his eyes staring at me. 'Yes, that's me.' He replies.

I look hopefully in his eyes, praying my brother had gotten any better. But I've been here only some hours ago…

My thoughts are confirmed by Balin's low voice. 'I'm sorry, Dís. Nothing did get any better.' He sighs with a sad smile towards me.

'But he didn't get any worse either, did he?' I ask, only hoping that the answer would be no. Luckily it was.

'Thank you for watching him, Balin. But I can see that you're tired as well, so let me take it from here.' I say, standing next to him, softly pushing him out of his chair.

'Thank you, my lady. But are you sure, I could do it for a bit longer. And do you promise you will get someone else when you're getting tired? If you can't find anyone else, come to me. Do you promise that, Dís?' he says with a gentle but firm voice, giving me a pervasive look.

'Of course, Balin.' I say, but sadly, Balin knows me just as well as I do: I won't get out of here for the next day and night, you'll have to drag me out, if you must.

'Dís…' he starts but I don't let him finish his sentence.

'Please, Balin. It's my brother! I don't know if you heard how it happened, but I am the reason he's laying here; I must take care of him. I love him, and I don't want to lose him. If someone else is watching him, I feel like I betray him, that I'm not there for him when he needs me. If he wants me.' I say, the last sentence so soft it becomes a whisper.

'Very well, than. And yes, I've heard the story from Dwalin. Those things can be sorted out later. But, you can't stay awake forever, so you must promise me to get someone else if you feel like falling asleep! You know as much as I do that he needs to be watched.' He finally gives in.

'Yes, mister Balin. I know that.' I nod. 'You are most kind to me. I really appreciate that you do this for my brother, Balin. I know that he's the king, but I know as well that you do it because you're his friend, and cousin.' I say, really meaning my words.

'I know, Dís. Would you like me to do something for you? I still don't like it that you're going to be alone here all this time, when you're still obviously tired.'

'Well, if you could make some food for him if- I mean, when he wakes up.' I say, and I could almost hit myself on my head for saying that. I would've, if Balin wasn't here.

'And I might need some help with the bandages; He needs new ones, and it's better for him to do it with the both of us. Than you can go.'

Balin obeys, and goes off to the kitchen, after he took my cloak what I was still wearing to hang in the hallway. I take a seat on the chair, next to the bed. It wasn't a really comfortable sitting chair, but it's better than sitting on the floor. If I would sit on the bed, I might hurt him without knowing, somehow, and I wasn't going to take something out of the living room or kitchen. It's like giving myself a sort of punishment in all sorts of little things.

After a while, Balin returns, two cups of steaming hot soup in his hands. 'Here, my lady. I don't know when Thorin wakes up, but the soup probably will be could by than, but I imagine moving his head would hurt him, so I have made something where he doesn't have to chew on. Better cold food than causing him more pain. Besides, it's so steaming hot right now that I'm burning my fingers.' He says rather fast, probably because he's burning his fingers. I quickly pick up the bowl of soup and place it on the table next to his bed.

'And this one's for you, my lady.' He says, handing the second bowl over to me. A small smile curves my lips. 'Ahw, thank you Balin! You really didn't have to do that. I just ate something before I left my home.' I say, but still take the bowl gratefully, my sleeves over my hands so that they don't get burned.

'Well, you probably don't get out of here for the whole day, so I thought I would already make some food for you. I will also get both of you something to drink, wait here.' He says, and before I could protest he turned the other way and had left the room. That good dwarf, always taking care of his family. Not a very dwarf-like thing to do, but it's so sweet.

I shake my head with a grin, and put the bowl next to the other; it was still to hot. Balin returns with something to drink, what I immediately take. After that, I gather the bandages together, and Balin carefully lifts up Thorin, so that I could remove the old ones with fresh new bandages. I immediately also take a look at the wound on his head; it looks like it had gotten better, but I'm not a medicine dwarf, so how would I know?

I go to his chest, and thank Mahal, the wound from the sword that had smashed in his chest, was already a lot better. Some were already nothing more but scars, to my great relief. But my attention gets dragged away from his wounds to the bearer, who's making some strange throat noises. I realize now that he hadn't been unconscious anymore, he was just sleeping! Well, maybe only half unconscious, than.

'Thorin?' I ask hopefully when Balin puts him back down again, as carefully as he could I can see. My hand rests on his chest, above his heart, without weight, while my other hand strikes the hair out of his face again. I had put a braid in it yesterday, but it was done is haste and it was coming loose again.

'Dís?' he asks, his eyes opening now. Never in my life I had been more relieved to see those blue eyes staring up at me. Well, mostly because he's taller than me and he looks down at me, but still. Maybe apart from the time he returned from the battle of Azanulbizar, but for the rest I couldn't think of another time I was so happy to see his eyes. Those eyes were still looking at me with all the love they always had, but there was also a great amount of pain in them that makes my heart twitch. A voice in the back of my head keeps saying this is all my fault.

I swallow, my face turning gray and scared. But Thorin doesn't seem to notice.

'What happened, I can't remember anymore.' He says is a soft whisper.

'Hush, hush. You're alright now. I'm here, and Balin is here as well, and Óin is also often coming to look at you, and Dwalin as well. We're all here by your side when you're safe asleep. Remember that, okay? How are you feeling?' I ask, hard enough for him to hear it but not so hard that I give him a harder headache.

'Terrible headache, pain in the chest, tired, missing all of you. Especially my work.' He says.

So surprised by this, my jaw drops open and I'm unable to close it again, no matter how much both dwarves are staring at me for that. 'You- wait what? Thorin, your work… Thorin?' I stumble over my words, but Thorin laughs, for a few seconds because I expect his head is otherwise going to explode from pain. 'I'm just joking, Dís. I can still do that.'

I look at him in concern. 'Joking? What, you otherwise never do that, Thorin. You worry me, stop that.' I rattle, when I suddenly remember the painkillers and other medicines.

'Balin, could you get the medicines, please?' I ask, giving him a quick look to see that he nods. He hands them over to me. 'Thorin, you must take this, okay? There's water for you, and we'll help you take it in.' I can't help that I speak to him like someone would speak to a child, but it's the concern in me that makes me feel like a mother taking care of her sick child. Her only sick child who is deadly ill because of her. I shake my head to clear my mind, carefully lifting his head while Balin lifts his back.

After a short row that Thorin wants to take in the medicines himself, I hand them over to him, rolling my eyes. 'Take them in one by one.' I instruct, carefully leaning on the edge of the bed, one hand holding the back of his head and the other the glass of water. I don't let him take that as well, because his hands are trembling to much and he probably drinks it all at once.

With an effort that seemed to make him more tired that anything ever did, we lower him back in the bed, his face save on the pillows. 'We just have given you new bandages, and I need to wake you every two hours now, I guess. You can better get some sleep again. If you need anything, I'll be right here. Well, right in that chair on the other side of your bed, but whisper and I'll hear you. You can also move a finger if you want, if speaking is to much effort, or blink your eyes, or-'

'Yes, I get it!' he says and chuckles. I give him a smile back, knowing I was rattling again.

'Balin, could you get Óin for him again? If it's not too much trouble, of course.' I say, already knowing the answer. I could even reply with almost the exact same words before he did.

'Not to much trouble at all, Dís. I'll get him immediately. Take care, Thorin.' He says, makes a small bow and leaves us alone.

When the door is shut behind him, it's immediately like my throat gets thicker and the concern in me gets bigger. What should I do now, if something goes wrong? I see the bowl of soup standing on the table, but I can't give him that all by myself. The medicines had made that quite clear. And should I tell him now that it's all my fault, the attack, his wounds? I don't want to act like I want to keep it a secret for as long as I possibly could, but neither I want to tell it to him right now, when he seems quite satisfied. Remembering those blue eyes again, who looked up at me with love. Would he look to me like that ever again when I told him about what I've done, would the love be gone, replaced by anger, and would that same amount of pain still be in his eyes?

My thoughts go miles away, when I look down at Thorin. He's breathing regular and it doesn't seem to trouble him. It's mostly the head wound, I think. But not much can be done until Óin's here, I know.

Not very long after that he entered the room, Balin still behind him. He could've gone home by now, but the clearly preferred to stay with his friend.

'Óin, thank Mahal you're here! Thank you for taking so much of your time. Thorin's awake, we let him take all the medicines and before he was awake he had just gotten new bandages. He had also already something to drink, and there's some soup for him ready. I examined his wounds as well; the chest wound are mostly scars or healing now, but I'm not sure about the one on his head.' I say, letting Óin to come standing next to me and my brother.

'I'll have a look at it.' He says, immediately starting to work. I nod and sit myself down on the chair, after Balin made me do so.

Fifteen minutes later, he's ready again. Thorin had been really conscious this time, even whispering some words, but probably in his dreams, for I didn't really get sense out of them.

'And?' I ask, the hoping fire returned in my eyes. It's still been only some hours ago since Óin had examined him, so how much better could he be? But sometimes, miracles did happen, apparently.

'He's much better, already.' Óin says, making me jump out of my seat and give him a glance with big round brown eyes. 'Really, are you sure about that Óin?' I almost plead.

He gives me a cracked smile. 'He's better than before, but not better yet, Dís.'

'I know, I know. But he's improving, isn't he?' I ask. I remember when Óin said he had very little change to survive. And I said my brother was strong. 'I said he was strong, and he is, is he?'

Óin nods. 'Yes, you were right, Dís. Your brother is the strongest dwarf I know, and he's improving. Don't forget still, it can go worse again. Worse, until his dead.' The words go inside my head and seem to destroy all my sense, but before anyone could say or do anything, a cracking voice rose from the dwarf laying on the bed. Was he laughing?

'Great.' Thorin says. 'An ego-boost for the most stubborn dwarf in the world, to tell her she's right. That's really going to help.'

Óin and Balin burst out laughing, and I flush, taking a little step towards the shadows.

* * *

><p>The next day, Thorin hadn't gotten any worse, thank Mahal. He even had gotten a little better, not complaining about the pain in his chest anymore, though that might be from the painkillers, and a bit often more awake. I sigh when I return to the bedroom. I had made something to drink for him, and in the kitchen I was doubting if I should tell him what I've done or not. I know I need to tell it sometime, and I can't bear it anymore when he looks at me with those loving eyes. I need to tell him.<p>

I turn the knob, and enter the room. Thorin's still awake, smiling up at me when I walk up to him. It's rare when Thorin smiles, and this is the first time I don't smile back to him.

'Thorin.' I start with a sigh. 'I need to tell you something.' I say, knowing he saw the pain in my eyes.

'Tell me.' He immediately says.

'No, you first need to drink this.' I say, realizing it's not very clever of me that I should've done that first, since he's really not going to drink anything before I said it. It's almost blackmail, I think. And know I really needed to say it. No turning back now.

'I assume you remember the attack, don't you?' I say. After his approval, I continue. 'Well, the reason that they were there was because… I, I- Damnit!' I swear.

'What is it, Dís?' He asks, his fingers taking me hand.

'I had told you that I took the orcs to a place to throw daggers in them, to say I was training with throwing them? Well, they were quite bashed up, and I leaved them hanging on trees. When Grodri said I should remove them I ignored him, stupidly. But the orcs saw them, and, well- They attacked us because of that reason, and so it's my fault that you're lying here!' I almost yell the last part, and this time I hit myself before my head for not thinking about Thorin.

'Easy now, Dís. Are you saying this is your fault they attacked us, because they simply saw the orcs hanging there? Dís, that's idiotic!' He says, having a firmer grip on my hand.

I look at him in total surprise, tears rolling down my cheeks. 'What? What are you talking about, it is my fault! If I had just listened to Grodri and had removed them, or for a start not even had smashed their bodies open because I'm so sinister, they wouldn't have attacked us!' I call out.

'Dís, are you even hearing yourself? They would've attacked us anyway! The only reason they found those bodies because they were already heading this way for an attack. I've heard months of rumours about orcs wanting to attack us, and apparently they were all true. I agree that you shouldn't have smashed their bodies open, and at least hid them after you did, but I had already agreed with you that you could train, and I shouldn't have expect you to hide those bodies.' He says, a warm smile spreading on his face.

'But one orc said that-'

'I know what that one orc said, I heard him.' He interrupts. 'I killed that orc, because I knew he was blaming you, even though the orc didn't know that. That incident, you smashing open those bodies, might have made them more fierce, but they were going to kill us anyway, attacking us anyway.' He explains.

'But if they were not so fierce, maybe some lives could've been saved.' I whisper.

'Actually, I think you have saved us, Dís, because they were so fierce. Nobody might have heard them than, and if nobody else would've come, we would all be dead, no one would be in time for the rescue.' He says, the smile still on his face.

I can't do anything else but just stare at him with wide open mouth. 'How ironic that is.' I finally manage to say, causing us both to chuckle.

'I only don't know why you were training for throwing daggers, Dís. You're already very skilled at that.' He says.

'Well, just, you know.' I quickly say, looking away from him, instead looking at our hands.

'Actually I don't.' he says with a frown.

'Well, I wanted to smash open their bodies anyway, but I wanted to do it a way with something I could already do very well. Better than someone else.' I say, hoping he would just let it go and not ask any further. Sadly, he did the opposite.

'Better than someone else? Wait, you said you brought Grodri with you, didn't you?' he asks, looking curiously at me. 'Well, you can probably throw better than him, but he knows that. Why would you want to show him?' Before I can answer, I can read from his face that he already knows the answer, but he keeps asking, probably to annoy me. Well, I deserved it, I guess.

'Well, Dís?'

I give a irritated sigh. 'Because I wanted to impress him!' I say, and at that moment the door flies open. In the doorframe is standing a familiar person.

'Am I interrupting something?' Grodri asks, causing Thorin to chuckle again, and me to want to crawl back to the shadows, again.


	16. Saying another goodbye

**Chapter sixteen already, wow!  
>Thank you again for all your support, reviews, follows and favourite!<br>I love you all!  
><strong>

**Not a very happy sounding chapter, I know, but the beginning is quite sweet I think, and the ending as well.  
>But after all those sad chapters, I think I'll make the next one a bit happier!<strong>

**Enjoy!  
><strong>

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><p><span>Saying another goodbye<span>

Some months had passed, and than some other months, and to my great relief Thorin was feeling fully okay again. He did everything the same way he usually did, he behaved the same way he had always done, and most importantly, he is the same person as before. The stubbornness didn't go away either, sadly. But, I even love his stubbornness, because without that he wouldn't be Thorin. He wouldn't be my big brother, and the king of Durin's line. I still can't believe how weird things had been all those months ago. But I listen (for once) to my older brother and just forget it, moving on.

Life feels a bit better than before, as well. Thorin is healthy, we are in a safe settlement, not once we had another orc attack or other problems, little dwarves are born, I've got a new job here, the houses are so much better than in Dunland, more food and drink, and especially, I finally kisses Grodri once, though nothing had happened after that.  
>Life actually <em>is <em>better than before. However, things are about to change.

I hear a dwarf behind me clear his throat, some fingers ticking me on the shoulder. 'Hang on.' I say, putting the heavy horse leg down. Since two months my new job is placing hooves on horses, and I was the only woman, well, dwarf woman, to be here. I was only working amongst men, since it were mostly their horses. But jewellery making was getting to drive me crazy, since it needed to be done so precise, and I hate being precise, so this is a much better option. Well, this also takes some precision, but it's still better and to be honest, even a bit more fun.

When you're working alongside men, they are surprised to see a woman doing this heavy work, even if she's a dwarf. But for dwarves, there is not that much difference between the strength of man or woman. I expect dwarf woman are as strong as human men, or even a bit stronger. Still, after spending a whole day doing this, with real big horses, even I get tired.

I turn around, and hear some bones in my back crack, while I wipe with my sleeve the sweat of my forehead.

'That doesn't sound really good, my lady.' The dwarf in front of me says. I recognise him immediately: he's one of the dwarves working at the forge together with Thorin, Grodri, Dwalin and some others.

'My voice or my bones?' I say, already knowing the answer. 'Never mind. What is it that brings you here, master Dwarf?' I ask.

The dwarf reveals a sword wrapped in blankets, nevertheless obviously the form of a sword, hidden under his cloak. 'This one's for you, my lady. You ordered your sword to be sharpened, and I have come to bring it to you.' He explains, offering me the sword.

I gladly take it. 'Oh, that's very kind, thank you.' I say, picking up the sword and start unwrapping it very carefully to have a look at it. 'You can go now, master Dwarf. Send my thanks to Thorin.'

'Thorin hasn't made the sword, my lady. He was planning to, but Grodri wanted to do it.' He suddenly says, and I look up at him in surprise. Grodri probably took over the job because he knows how much Thorin is working, but the dwarf just said _made _the sword.

'What do you mean by he hasn't _made _the sword? I only asked it to be sharpened. Creating a new blade must have taken a lot of effort, especially because I heard from Thorin that there was a lot of work to do at the forge, so why would he make a sword if I asked a smaller job?' I ask curiously, stopping with unwrapping the weapon in my hands.

'We all knew, my lady. But Grodri insisted that you deserved a new sword, that yours was too old and that you desperately needed a new one. I believe he also said so that you could train who has the best sword, but don't tell him I told you that. The sword is completely new.' The dwarf says with a smirk on his face.

I do my best not to smile, feeling quite pleased and flushed at the same time. I continue unwrapping the sword, and the dwarf definitely wasn't lying.

My eyes cross the beautiful shining typical dwarf blade, completely different to the general one I had before. It was a bit heavier to hold, but extremely pleasant at the same time. The hilt was also new, and I can see dwarf runes on the hilt as well as on the blade.

'It's beautiful.' I whisper, not noticing the dwarf grinning at me. My eyes sparkle and I don't even notice that I keep staring at it for minutes, turning it around and around, until the horse loses his patience and ticks his nose against my shoulder. I quickly come back to earth, wrapping the sword up again.

'Well, send my thanks to Grodri than. Tell him I'll use the sword. You can go, now.' I say, since the dwarf was kind of irritating me with the smirk on his face. I wish to say that I would love to do a training session with Grodri, but I'm not going to tell him that.

'Of course, my lady.' He says, and walks away.

The horse scratches his new hoof over the ground and I roll my eyes.

'Back to work than.'

* * *

><p>Later that day, when I have finished my work, I go to the place we use for training sessions for young dwarves. It's very late in the evening, so I would be surprised if I would find any young dwarves, or any other dwarves at all, right here. And it seems I was right: the place looks deserted.<p>

I pick up my new sword, unwrap it again, but this time a lot faster because my hands are itching to try it out. I don't want to bother anyone to come here with me to train, so I just will practice alone. After already having two cuts in my hands because I was so eager to get the wrapping of, I start my practice, swinging the blade around and moving my feet. I don't actually want to use the blade yet to swing it against trees, because that would just seem sin.

I move my blade again and again, and turn around, surprised that I hear the sound of metal clattering against metal. Even more surprised I see a blonde face standing before me. I swing the sword as fast as I could, leaving the point against his throat.

'You would be dead by now.' I say in a cold voice, somehow feeling embarrassed that he caught me practicing with the sword that he made, like I was a child who just got his first blade.

'But you won't kill me?' he says with a smile, but when I don't remove my blade it disappears. 'You won't, right?' he says a little insecure.

'Well, what good would that be, I wonder. It will only cause a lot of blood on my dress and an explanation to the king why I killed his best friend.' I say, finally drawing the sword back.

'Good.' He says, sounding relieved, and I couldn't help rolling my eyes. Was he really thinking I was going to kill him? I would kill myself, rather than I had to kill him myself.

'What are you doing here? I didn't hear or see you coming.' I ask.

'Maybe I was sneaking up on you, maybe I wasn't, that's not the point. How's your blade. Do you like it yet? I bet you like it, you've been here for half an hour.'

'Yes, I like it. And I've not been here for half an hour! And, how would you know? You only have just arrived.' I say. Was it really already half an hour?

'Nope, actually. I saw you leaving the stables and I was following you, because I wanted to ask how the blade was. But as soon as I noticed where you were going to, I figured out that you probably liked the blade, and I was sure when you started unwrapping it. Your hands are bleeding. Not really handy, you must be more careful unwrapping it, otherwise you will have like a thousand cuts on your hand within a month.' He says, pinning his sword in the earth and grabbing my hands.

'Really, a thousand cuts?' Is all I say. 'I a month? How many times do you think I would unwrap it? It's not that fun.' I lie, looking at his hands, which are carefully brushing over my wounds.

'You know that it is fun, Dís. You looked like a playing child. In fact, I don't think you were training at all, you were simply playing with it. Oh dear, did I just make a better sword than my own? One magic sword who turns elegant beautiful princesses into playing little children?' He grins.

'I was not!' I protest, drawing my hands back.

'Yes, you were. But about who's sword is better now, there's only one way to find out.' He says, picking up his sword again, swirling it around. 'Ready?' he asks.

I open my mouth to answer, but a cough interrupts me. He lowers his sword and heads my way, but I stop pretending and immediately attack.

'That's false!' He says, but I can see the laughter of his face. 'and clever, I must say.' He adds.

'Well, the enemy is going to be false either, so pay attention, mister!' I say, attacking him. I know this is almost a lost battle, because there was genuinely almost no one better with a blade than he was, but I love doing this.

'Well, I hope I'm not going to be your enemy. I'd love to be the opposite, more.' He says and tackles me, what causes me to triple over. I somehow manage to keep up, but than I triple over my own foot and fall forward with a little scream. I though for a moment I was going to land on the hard earth, but I try to keep myself upright, what causes me to triple again, and I fall forward on Grodri, who lands on the ground with an 'oefff' sound.

'What is the opposite of an enemy, than? A friend, I suspect. You're already my friend, you know that.' I ask curiously, not sure what he means. I try to scramble up again, but somehow my mind or body, maybe both, refuses to. The line of Durin are actually mostly taller than dwarves in general, but I was actually smaller than most dwarves. I was even really quite little for a dwarf, which only makes me more aware for it, lying on top of Grodri. What, I'm lying on top of him? I really need to get up now. But-

'Well, I actually mean-' I probably don't know what he ever meant, because a high pitched sound is filling our ears. I could ask, 'what's that?' but sadly, having it heard so many times, I already know the answer.

'Oh no, not again.' I beg, but sadly orcs don't listen to that.

I jump away from Grodri, feeling tired and confused. At least I've got a change to try out my new blade, but I prefer that I never had to.

'I'm starting to wonder,' Grodri says. 'Why are orcs always coming here when we, are mostly _you_, are somewhere outside the settlement. Like really, would they know?'

I roll my eyes, but when I hear more screams I start running. We're actually still in the settlement, but away from the place where everyone lives. We're not that far away, but who knows how long this fight has already been going on?

When I arrive there, people are just coming out of their houses with swords, so I expect that the orcs had only just arrived. So, I didn't have to miss any of the action this time. But I can't help to look for Thorin, afraid that something might happen to him again.

I keep swinging my sword around, and can't help to think about Grodri's words. They were quite true, actually. But of course the orcs don't know. I see a mad orc running towards me, screaming like a maniac, and I stick my sword through it's open mound, the point coming out at the back of his head. With a squeal it falls on the ground, and I immediately start slicing other limps off, kicking orcs in the stomach, beheading and pierce them through, when I suddenly hear a familiar sound.

I look to the left, just in time to see a sword falling away from an old pair of hands, the sword piercing through an old body. 'No!' a scream rips from my throat as I kill the orc in front of me, running towards the elder woman who falls on the ground, blood coming from her chest.

'No, no, no, no!' I kill every orc who comes in my way, without actually really noticing. All I can think of is going to the body who had slumped on the ground. I see the orc raising it's sword above the dwarf's chest and…

I run as fast as I can, pushing him aside, what makes his sword drop on the ground. He immediately tries to bite his way free, biting my arm who suffocates him. I keep digging the sword into his chest, while the orc is long dead already. Than I remember the body, get up and run towards it, not caring for the battle going on at the moment.

'Grandma…' I whisper, fighting back the tears she told me not to shed.

'Dís?' she says in a cracking old voice. Her eyes look straight ahead, glassy and painful. I look at her chest, what was a big red blood spot.

'Yes, I'm here, grandma. C-can I do anything for you?' I say, streaking the hair from her face as I look into her old eyes. She was old, but a warrior still, and her dying in battle somehow seemed more appropriate and logical than dying in old age, how royal she ever was. She didn't look royal now, but it even looked to my like she was holding her chin in the air, like she had always done, when she told me how to behave, when the taught me Khûzdul, or when she put on her sweet voice and talked about my mother, after she was killed by Smaug.

'Make sure you'll be okay.' She says, or breaths, you should call it.

'I will be. But I love you, grandma.' I say, but do not cry. I shouldn't. A princess doesn't cry, she told me that. The people look up at me, and even a broken princess could mean a broken kingdom, if the princess has much influence. I have, especially on the king.

I don't know what she would ever say or do after that again, for she took her last breath. I close eyelids, and place my hand above her heart. 'Rest in peace, grandmother.' I say in Khûzdul, closing my eyes for a moment while I rest against her chest.

Than I get up, raising my sword and with a terrifying scream I behead the unlucky orc in front of me.

* * *

><p>Two days later, I pin up my raven black hair with the same colour black pins, what make them invincible. The black dress swirls around me as I walk outside of the door. I go outside, look around and move to another house, where I knock on the door. 'Thorin?' I ask, my voice echoing in the stillness.<p>

'It's open.' A deep voice answers me, and I walk inside the house.

'Are you ready?' I ask, looking around the corner of the door, seeing Thorin standing there in the same black clothes as me. If we were in Erebor he would've worn a crown, but we aren't in Erebor so there's nothing.

'I'm ready.' He says, following me outside the house to the funeral.

There were several dwarves killed during the last attack, but if it weren't for my grandmother there wouldn't be a real funeral like this. Only when it's a member of Durin's line. My grandmother was not from that line of Durin's blood, I insisted that she should have a proper funeral. I feel like she's more from Durin's line than me.

It was strange that the sun was shining. Mostly you always here that there's a drizzle and gray clouds, but the weather doesn't know if someone you love had died. Than it would be raining every day.

I keep silent during the ceremony, a small one, and I was aloud to give a speech, but I didn't do it. Not because of my grandmother, but it seemed almost like dishonouring her, since I didn't give a speech when I should have during Thorin's coronation.

Yes, we have our disagreements, arguments, sometimes agony for each other, and a real fight. But that doesn't make me love her less. She showed me how to be a strong woman, told and taught me everything when no else could. She had always time for me, if I didn't want to. But now I need to find someone else to talk about my heart with, I think.

It's a sad situation, but I don't shed a single tear, not even afterward, like she taught me to.


	17. A trading trip

**Woohoo, a quick update!  
>Well, I've finished my book on Sunday and I'm to lazy to do anything for school, and I really wanted to write so here it is :D<strong>

**If you like, I would love to read your reviews!  
>I hope you enjoy!<br>**

* * *

><p>A<span> trading trip<span>

'Coming!' I yell, while I'm running from the one side to the other, like I've been doing all day. I try to push my way to the crowd, looking for the voice whom called for me. Today, the blue mountains are completely swept over by people. Before another winter starts, what was predicted to be an cold one filled with snow, Thorin had decided to gain as much money already as we could, so that we would've enough to make sure we would be okay during the cold winter. He planned to do that with a sort of market, filled with stuff made by the dwarves of Erebor. The humans nearby were quite interested in what we had to offer, and they actually liked to buy our things. Thorin had invited them to come today. Only no one would've expected that it would be _that _busy. Everywhere were humans, rising above the dwarves, making me feeling even smaller, while I already always feel small with my own people.  
>Thorin knew that there would be quite some humans coming, and if I didn't push through, he would've cancelled it, since he hates quite everything that isn't a dwarf. To be honest, he doesn't like some dwarves as well. Even kings can't like everyone.<p>

But I had promised to help him, and it turned out, that was for the better. Even more dwarves had come out to help us, selling their wares and running around the place almost like maniacs.

Because you could hardly sell hooves, I'm carrying a plate with lots of my own made jewellery. Luckily there were already things sold, because I get tired of holding it up high for hours and hours without any rest. I can't even remember if ate anything at all today.

'I'm- I'm here!' I say, pushing myself along the last humans, facing my brother.

'Finally, you took your time.' He doesn't sound angry, but a little irritated.

'Yes, well, I don't know if you looked around the place, but it's sort of really crowded.' I say dryly. 'I hope you didn't call me here just to see how fast it would go, otherwise I'm forced to do really painful things.'

My brother rolls his eyes. 'No, Dís. Can you come along with me, please?' it isn't a question, and he's already turning around.

'Hey, wait! I'm busy, I can't just walk away, the other dwarves need my help.' I protest.

'They can do it without you for some minutes; this is more important.' He answers without turning around or even looking back, just walking through. I grumble, but follow him.

He leads us to a quieter place, a bit further away. I see two people there, a dwarf and a human. I recognize the dwarf immediately, and smile to him when he notices me. Than I look up at the man, wondering why he's standing here.

'Dís, this is the master of a town some kilometres away.' He introduces me to him, and I shake his hand, annoyingly I have to stretch my arm a far way out. The man is really tall, even for a man. I don't like him already.

'As I said, this is my sister, princess Dís.' Thorin says, and I give my brother an evil glance for calling me by my title. He bloody knows how much I fricking hate that.

But Thorin just continues. 'Dís, I've called you here because he has a special offer to make us. We have just made a trading contract, so you could call us ''trading allies'' if you like. But that's not why I've called you here. He has already ordered some things, but we still have to make it and even than it's to heavy for him just to take it. I want you and Grodri to bring it to him as soon as the order is ready. I can't take; I must stay here, you know that.' He says when I open my mouth to protest again.

'Of course I know that, my king. I would feel it an honour to be the first to trade with you, master.' I say, putting on a friendly smile to the man. He doesn't smile back.

'Well, that's settled. He has made a map for you, so you know what route you can take. They will give you also some things to trade with; so remember that you won't walk back empty handed.' Thorin says, giving me a glare. When I nod, he does as well. 'That's settled. You can go now, Dís.'

With a small bow I leave them, giving Grodri a quick last glance and turn around. As soon as I have, the smile leaves my face like snow before the sun and I look irritated.

I have no bloody interest to walk several kilometres with stuff, I don't even know what stuff, to an unknown town, returning with other stuff I don't know either. Why couldn't he just get someone else to do it, or better: why couldn't the man come to us?

I return to the other dwarves, who indeed have missed me, put on my smile again and start selling as much jewellery as I can. I don't want to have a cold starving winter.

* * *

><p>I just put the last things in my backpack, when I hear some knocks on the door. Just by the rhythm and the volume I already know who it is. It's weird, how you can recognize someone's knocking, or how a person is walking up and down the stairs, just because you know that person so well and so long. It's just a little thing what no one else notices, except for you. With a small smile on my face I open the door, seeing the expected person standing before me.<p>

'Are you ready?' Grodri asks, looking down at me. Damnit, I'm standing higher than him and he still needs to look down. How annoying must that be.

'Yes, let me just get my bag. Have you packed everything you need?' I ask.

'Yes.'

'Are you sure?'

'A hundred percent.'

'And have you already eaten something, and didn't you forget to drink?'

'Yes.'

'Have you had enough sleep?'

'Yes.'

'Are the ponies ready?'

'Yes, and stop asking questions because you start sounding like a mother and you're not, and if you were I was definitely not your child.' He says, rolling his eyes.

'Sorry. I just wanted to make sure.' I say, but leave before he can say anything else. I pick up my bag from the bedroom, glance around to see if I've had forgotten anything, and when I can't imagine anything I return to the door, Grodri still standing in the opening.

'Well, if we're both ready, I say let's go.' I lock the door behind me, walk to the ponies and give mine some gentle strokes.

I had studied the map, which I had forgotten to take from the man but luckily Grodri had took it, before. The road wasn't very difficult but I told him to take it with him, in case we get lost anyway. It's not a very long road and we should be there in one and a half day.

It's still very early in the morning, so we could be there tomorrow midday. I absolutely don't want to go, but you can hardly ignore king's orders, so I didn't really feel like I had been given a choice. At least, I've got Grodri with me and no one else.

I'm quite happy with that, I love my time with just Grodri and me alone, but I'm also quite surprised it's just the two of us. The last orc attack had been a very, very long time ago but on the road there were way more. I might be a murderous dwarf, and Grodri a really good fighter, we can't take a whole orc pack with the two of us if it's a really big one.

Well, who knows what those ponies might have in them. Maybe an ability to outrun the orcs, or squash them. How well would I be able to cut orcs in half if I would be riding a pony, I wonder.

But my murderous getting thoughts get interrupted by Grodri.

'Dís.' He says my name like it's not the first time he said it. I look up, seeing him already sitting on his pony. 'Are you coming? I want to get back as soon as possible.'

'Yes, me too.' I say, and climb onto my pony. It's lovely dark brown fur reminds me of my eyes, and the black manes and tail of my hair.

'Good. I see we look for how long we can ride before we or the ponies need a rest, so we can travel as quickly as we can.' He says, and after an approved nod, he turns his pony around, following the road out of the settlement.

We don't talk that much on the road, just sitting on our ponies who are walking in a fast but not to tiring tempo. I love the silence, and we get a very long way before we need to stop the first time. We feed the horses and let them drink from a pool, while we're having a quick snack as well. When the horses are rested, we continue for the rest of the day, until night falls and it's too dark to go on. Orcs like the dark the most, so we decide to sleep for the night in the first sheltered place we can find.

'Well, it's not perfect, but much better than anything we've seen before along the road, and I guess it must be almost midnight. I'm fucking tired and I need some rest, and we're probably not going to find a better shelter than this.' I say, without waiting for an answer and already remove the saddle from my pony.

'Leave that, if you're _so _tired I can do it for you.' He grins. I only now realize that I had sworn. A princess _really _mustn't do _that._

'It's alright.' He says when he sees my expression, and tries to take over the saddle from arms, but I draw back.

'No, I can do it perfectly fine! I was just making a point before you would start talking that we need a better place to find, but I can tell you that we're not going to find a better place than this.' I say, hanging the saddle over a long out sticking branch from a tree.

'Alright, alright.' He says, removing the saddle from his own pony and hanging it next to mine.

When we're done with the horses, I draw out a blanket from my bag.

'Eh, Dís…' he starts and I give a deep sigh, already knowing what he was going to say and can't help to roll my eyes.

'Yes, you've forgotten your blanket. I knew that would happen. I just simply _knew _you would forget something, and as it turns out, I was right! I'm always right, you must know that. And when I asked you about it, you said ''yes'' but clearly the answer must've been ''no.''' I say, almost beaming with pride.

'And another ego-boost for madame. Fine than, you were right, but you're not always right.' He says defeated.

'And,' I happily continue, 'now you'll have it cold during the night because you're an idiot. I may have reminded you of a mother, and you said I shouldn't be, but it turns out that I should, because mothers would've checked their children's bags if something was missing. To be honest, I actually might have done that, but because you said I should stop I didn't, so it's your own stupid fault. Of course, it's your own fault in the first place, because _you _are the one who has forgotten his blanket. Look, here's mine! Big and soft and warm and perfect.' I smile, showing him my indeed big, soft and warm blanket.

He just looks at me with a startled and grinning look at the same time.

'Well, I don't want you to be a mother, because than you would be probably already taken. Can we not share that big blanket of yours?'

I flush and smile at the same time. 'What makes you think I would share my blanket with you?'

'I just know. You wouldn't let me in the cold night alone, would you?' he asks, coming closer, so close I can feel his breath on my skin.

'Never.' I say, before he places his lips softly on mine.

Immediately I remember how they felt, although its been years and years since the last time they touched me. I feel a hand upon my cheek, the other on the back of my head.

Something suddenly hits Grodri in the back, causing him to fall on top of me.

'Au! If you keep falling on me you'll make me pregnant.'

'I keep falling on you? I'm sorry, the last time it was the other way around.'

I grin and take up the blanket. 'Now roll of me, you weigh like a hundred kilo's.'

He obeys and I put the blanket over the both of us. I yawn, feeling extremely tired.

'You look like a cat or even a lion if you yawn.' He laughs.

I mumble something that even I can't understand, before sleep takes me away.

* * *

><p>The next morning, I wake up by a gentle touch on my shoulders. 'I don't want to wake up.' I mumble, being half awake.<p>

'If you wake up now, we can quickly eat and drink something, continue and get home sooner.' Grodri's soft voice says in my ear.

'I'm coming!' I shoot up in the air like a rocket, causing Grodri to laugh.

'What, you want to go home either!' I say, taking the water and bread out of his hands.

I roll up the blanket, put it back in my backpack and saddle my pony, feeling still tired but determined.

Indeed half a day later, we arrive at the town. It doesn't take long to guess where the master could be, since all the houses are exactly the same except for one big ass house. We leave our ponies for the house, picking up all the things from our bags that are ordered. They're wrapped, so I don't know what it is, and I doubt if Grodri will know it either. But when I want to ask, a guard comes our way.

'The master is expecting you; follow me, please.' The guard says, turning around and walks up the stairs.

Grodri and I follow him, waiting for the door to be opened by other guards on the inside. The guards say something in their own language, what's quite annoying me (who knew what they were saying) but we can come inside.

The master is sitting on a chair which suits the house quite well. Grodri and I both give a small bow at the same time.

'You have my orders?' the master asks, not really showing interest in our polite manners.

'Yes, we have. Here they are.' I say, presenting the wrapped things to him.

'My thanks. Give them to the guards.' He says, and the guards immediately step forward, taking the things out of our hands before we can really give them.

'And our orders, master?' I ask.

'Yes, yes, they're on their way here. Another guard is taking them to you.' He says, waving his hands.

_You've had a whole bloody week to get them in here, you stupid idiot. _I think, but keep my mouth shut in a thin line. With a glance at Grodri I can clearly see he's thinking the same thing. I have to hold in to not say 'finally' when the guard comes and hands the things over to us.

'Thank you, master. I suppose we can leave, now?' I ask after taking all the things.

'Yes, you can. Guards, show them out.' He says.

With another small bow I follow the guards outside. Once the guards are out of hearing shot, I whisper to Grodri: 'And you said that _I _had a big ego.'

He returns a laughter.

We ate something quickly and moved on. I know we wouldn't be home before tomorrow, but I just want to get there as soon as possible. I wish I could be there already. But, still, I have one other night to share with Grodri beneath the same blanket…

That night was indeed fulfilled, this night being colder than the one before, so I'm lying extra close to him, my head resting on his chest.

When the dawn breaks we hurry back onto our horses and decide to eat and drink while we're riding, both of us eager to get home.

When we are finally there I give a relieved sigh. We've both made it without any orc attacks or other troubles, everything just as how it supposed to go.

'You know, I'll take this things to Thorin; you can go home already. I suspect you must be really tired; I'm going to ask Thorin if I could sleep the rest of the day.' I say when we lead our ponies to the path into the settlement.

'Really, are you sure? I've got no problem helping you, I can wait a little longer.'

'No, I'm really sure, you just go.' I say determent, and when we finally are there we stop before Thorin's house. 'Take them out of your bag, I'll bring them to him.' I say.

We take all the stuff, I don't know what this is either. I suddenly think if we shouldn't have checked it, unwrapping it to see if it's alright and the master didn't cheat. But we didn't know what to check on.

Since my hands are full I kick against Thorin's door, which is quickly opened by him, his expression getting easier when he sees why I was kicking instead of knocking.

'Ah, you and Grodri are back with it, thank you.' He says, stepping away so I could enter.

'Where can I take it?' I ask.

'To the living room. Let me take something from you.' He says, taking the half out of my arms. 'Where's Grodri, actually?' he asks.

'Yes, thank you. And I've send him away, he looked so tired. I'm also very tired, so can I please, please Thorin, sleep for the rest of the day?' I beg, letting the stuff drop on the table, since my arms are beginning to feel like they're going to fall off.

'Yes, you can. You've done a good job, Grodri as well.' He says in a voice he always had especially for me. 'Really, thank you Dís, I appreciate it you do this for me.'

'Well, you didn't really give me a choice.' I notice.

'Might be true, but still. You're amazing. Are you alright?' he says, walking to the kitchen to give me a glass of water, which I gratefully take.

'I know I'm amazing, thank you. Seriously Thorin, where would you be without me? When we're both old and cracky, who's going to do this for us? You don't have any children, nor a wife, or even a girlfriend. I also can't imagine you with children. How will you ever get any heirs?' I say, yawn again and stretch. 'And I'm alright; just tired.' I eagerly start drinking the water.

'I don't see myself with children either. But, maybe you and Grodri might have children later.' He suddenly says.

I choke and spit out my water over the stuff I dropped on the table, heavily coughing. He offers me a napkin, looking a bit guilty. 'Thank you.' I say in a small voice, taking the napkin.

'Sorry, just pretend you didn't hear that.' He says.

'I'd rather pretend you didn't say that.' I drink the rest of the glass empty, Thorin wisely shutting his mouth. But I can't help to think something: is it _that_ obvious that I've falling in love with Grodri? I can't keep the question out of my mind, so I look to Thorin, handing him the glass back.

'How do you know?' I ask.

'You look to each other every day with those puppy eyes, how couldn't I notice? He's my best friend and you're my sister. But you should get some rest, you look really tired indeed.' He says, striking my hair.

'Fine. I'll see you later.' I say. Were we really looking at each other with puppy eyes? I wanted to protest, but I knew it wouldn't get me anywhere, I just wanted to let everything go for a moment and drift off to sleep.

I leave his house, bring the pony to the stables, and after I've taken care for him, I finally go to my own house. I put on my nightgown already half-sleeping, and as soon as I settle myself into bed I fall into a dreamless sleep.


	18. Illness is coming

**I really hope you like this chapter, took some time but I love it =D**

**Just that you know: I'll continue with the same topic the next chapter.**

**Please, review again, I would absolutely love that!**

* * *

><p><span>Illness is coming<span>

For some years, things were quite alright. No orc attacks, no unexpected or other really annoying things, no other dead dwarves. Even two dwarf babies had born. I'm not sure if that's a good thing though, because I can hear them from my house screaming in the middle of the night. I'm fifty-two and still healthy. But, not for long.

I put the last horse back in the stable, feeling tired from the hard day work. It was still a foal, not used to this hooves. I triples all about and he doesn't seem to like it very much. 'You'll get used to it.' I say half-sleepy, half-annoyed. The foal was just like little dwarves; way to much energy the whole day through, and when the parents were getting more tired, the baby's only seemed more awake.

Luckily, he finally seems to calm down. 'We're almost there.' I say, hurrying to keep up with his hasty steps. 'Slow down!' I command, knowing that the foal absolutely doesn't listen to me if I say it like that. I roll my eyes, softly but firmly giving him a push backwards against his chest so that he's next to me, and make sure that he doesn't run away again.

Then suddenly a clattering noise comes from the back, and the strong foal runs away, the rope slipping through my hand. I stumble forward, clutching to the rope like it's my lifeline, and I feel a tremendous pain cutting in my left arm, and I painfully groan. 'Ho, hooo!' I try to calm the foal down, who was standing so metres away. I had nothing more than the end of the rope in my hand. But that's better than nothing.

My arm screams for attention, but I make sure I get to the foal first, before it runs away again and than I have a real problem. As soon as I have him, I look backwards, more angry than I've ever looked. 'You unbelievable fucking idiot you are, you stupid orc brained man!' I spit out, making the foal nervous, so I force myself to calm down.

'Hé, that's no way you talk to people. Even royalty shouldn't talk like that, especially when you're from a different race.' The man growls back.

'You _know _that I'm here, and yet you make a lot of noise so that the foal runs away?' I say angrily.

'Yes, I really made so much noise on purpose.' The man rolls his eyes. 'I dropped something, your highness. And the general rule after you dropped something is that you are scolded by angry royalty and from that moment you have an orc brain.'

I also know that it wasn't his fault, but I was so angry at the moment. I almost had a heart-attack, then the foal runs away giving me another one, and them my arm-

I look at it, and I gasp for breath. My sleeve was ripped open, and there was a big and deep wound, the blood spilling out from it over my arm and what's left of my sleeve. The wound in my upper arm seems quite dirty and it really hurts.

'What is it?' he asks when he hears my gasp, still angry.

'Nothing. I mean, I'm sorry. I was just worried the foal would run away and I really can't have that. I don't meant that, you don't have a orc brain. Please, forgive me.' I say, partly because it's true, partly because I otherwise might lose my job if he would tell it to the boss.

'Yes, fine. Just put that foal back in the stable and finally go home.' He answers and turns around.

I nod, not that he can see it anymore, and put the horse back in the stable. When I'm finished, I walk back, wanting to know what caused the wound on my arm. You really couldn't call it a scratch anymore.

I notice the pointy and out-sticking thing, just before the stables. I have no idea what it actually is, it's just hanging on the wall. I just know that it's looking rusty, dirty and very sharp, and that my blood is on it. Who places this thing next to stables? I want to get my axe and bounce against it until it comes of, but I can't do that because first my arm hurts to much to lift the axe, secondly I can say goodbye to my job than.

Well, I better go home than.

* * *

><p>When I'm home I immediately take the bandage chest out of the cupboard (where else should I put it?) and a scissor. My dress is now ruined anyway, so why shouldn't I take of the whole sleeve? I cut the sleeve out, and carefully put some water on a cloth. When the water touches the wound I immediately give a cry and bite my lips to shut up. Alright, change of plan.<br>I get the blood away that rolled down my arm and around the wound as precise as possible, without touching the wound myself. I know I haven't any disinfect stuff, but I can still remember how much it hurts, even a little bit on a small wound. So I'm _not _going to do that.

I take up the bandages, rolling it around the wound. I was about these things quite clumsy, so I ruin half of the bandage packet but finally manage to put it around my arm. The blood immediately pours through it, but I ignore it, take a pain killer in the hope that it would work as fast as possible, and make dinner.

The pain is gone half an hour later, and I carefully replace the bandage again, the other one being soaked with blood. It had stopped bleeding, but it must have been bleeding quite a while, for I feel really dizzy and even more tired than first.

But I still need to bring Thorin his dinner. Because my brother was still so busy with work, I wanted to do something for him, so I told him that I wanted to make his dinner again for him, just like in the older days. I pick it up, put it in a box and leave the house.

I feel like a really old person with a desperate need for a stick to lean on, because otherwise I might fall over. But I could have another two hundred years or so to live, so I'm still very young and I don't want a bloody stick.

I had looked at the time before I left the house, and I guess Thorin will be at home already.

When I let myself into his house, I can indeed hear him in the living room, and walk up to him. He's only just taking off his coat and boots.

'Thorin,' I start. He makes a little jump, apparently he hadn't heard me come in.

'you should've been home half an hour ago! I'm late, but I can see you just came home, so that means you had a lot of overwork.' I say disapproving.

'Yes, I'm sorry Dís, but you apparently also had overwork because you're _never _late. Not that I mind.' He shrugs. 'But if you're overworking, why can't I?'

'Because you do it every week. Every day, in fact.' I say, handing him over his dinner.

I take of my coat and walk to the kitchen, pouring something to drink in his glass. 'Here you go.' I say, putting it on the table.

'What happened to your arm?' he asks, and I suddenly realize I forgot to put on another dress, so that I'm wearing a dress with just one sleeve, and my other arm is fully visible expect for the part where the bandage is bound around it. Luckily I had just replaced it before I left, so that there wasn't any blood visible.

'Nothing, just a scratch I had at work. They insisted I would put on a bandage.' I lie.

He nods and picks up his glass, and I'm happy he doesn't question any further. I would feel to stupid and embarrassed if I needed to tell any more about it.

There were arguments among the people who was more stubborn, Thorin or me. I didn't feel like we needed to test that right now.

'Is there anything else I can do for you?' I ask, willing to do something, although I'm feeling more tired with the minute and still dizzy.

'No, you can go home and rest, Dís. I'm not a child.'

I give him a cheeky smile and say a goodbye, putting on my coat and leaving the house again, returning to my own.  
>When I'm home I look at my house. Things that really needed to be cleaned, the garbage that needed to be taken away, the dresses that needed to be washed, the bed….<br>Oh, I love the bed, the bed goes first. I change myself into my nightgown, already half-asleep, fall on the bed, and almost immediately drift off to sleep. A very painful sleep. 

Flashes of battlefield images go through my mind. Again, some were real, like grandmother dying, some were not real but again they are. Frerin dies, but I wasn't there, so I don't know how it happened. I don't want to know either. Some were completely not real, I hope, Thorin dying in my arms, Grodri falling on the ground after being pierced through by an orc sword. A dirty, rusty and sharp sword with blood on it. Every time there is a dwarf that I love, dying in my arms, and with every dwarf that dies, the pain gets greater. Every time the same blade, every time I feel more dizzy. I keep screaming, trying to fight back against the orcs, but no one seems to hear me, not even my beloved ones anymore. I give out a cry, screaming 'no' and suddenly there's a reaction. 'Dís!' it's a desperate voice, real and at the same time not. So close, yet so far away. I recognize the voice, it's my brothers… But his dead body is lying in front of me! 'Dís, Dís!' My heart leaps when I hear Grodri say my name, but it's not the usual same sweet loving voice he normally uses to talk to me. This one's sounding also more desperate, more firm, more weird. But he's dead as well, isn't he? Grodri's dead….

A searing pain goes through my body, through my arm, words echoing in my head. _Thorin, Grodri, they're also both dead now._

'NO!' I yell, my eyes flying open, my body getting up within a fraction of a second, what immediately causes an even greater pain in my arm. The pain… it's all real, and that means…

But no, there are Grodri and Thorin sitting before me, each on one side, looking very worried. I fling my arms around Grodri, who is nearest, and cry into his shoulder. When I put my arm up the pain gets worse and worse, and I scream and cry even more, but I'm to happy he's alive.

'You're alive… You, and Thorin, both alive!' I murmur.

Two hands pat me on the back, feeling warm and soft, holding me against his body.

'Yes, we are still alive Dís. Did you had a nightmare?' He asks, releasing me. I drop my arms, and immediately give another cry.

'My- Did I hurt you?' he asks, looking terrified just thinking about it. I give him a little smile.

'No, I'm fine. Just a nightmare, like you said.' I say.

'Really?' Thorin asks, and I turn around at him, seeing his suspicious face.

'I know you have more often nightmares, but you usually never scream, never cry, certainly not from pain.' He says, giving me a hard look.

'From pain?' I ask, trying to conceal my trembling arm. It's really hurting a lot.

'Yes, from pain. You kept screaming out of pain. You didn't scream because of the nightmare. Definitely not so loud that your neighbours could hear it, causing them to warn us both. And this- this _scratch _must hurt.' Thorin says, carefully lifting up my arm with his fingers.

Even my own eyes widen even more than the first time I saw the wound. I was wearing a white nightgown, but my left upper arm Thorin held in his fingers was bloody red. In both ways.

I hear Grodri gasp, holding my shoulder, like that would help, I think.

'I-' I start, but Thorin snaps me off.

'Dís, how could you say to me that it was just a scratch! You said it was a _scratch! _This can't come anywhere near a scratch, if it's bleeding so much.' He says angry, and if I were younger I might have shrank into my blanket.

'Why on earth did you say that, Dís?' He asks when I'm not saying anything. He carefully puts my arm back, and his fingers are alarming red, causing him to shake his head in disbelief.

'I know I should've told, but- I just didn't see the use of it. You have so many things on your mind, and it felt already like it would be over tomorrow.' I answer him.

'Well, apparently it didn't.' He looks at Grodri. 'Could you get the bandages, Grodri?' he asks, and I see Grodri nodding in the corner of my eyes, and feeling the hand go away from my shoulder. With a sigh I watch him leave. Now I prefer that Thorin would get the bandages instead of Grodri.

'How did it happen?' he asks, his voice a little more gentle but still angry and firm while he helps me to remove my nightgown.

'It was an accident.' I say, whimpering of pain when he moves my arm.

'I may hope so.' He replies.

'Could you just not rip of the sleeve, like I did with the other dress? This one's ruined anyway, and I don't want to move, or as less as possible.' I say. He nods and removes the sleeve with a knife from his belt, while I tell him how it happened.

Grodri returns when I've finished my story, his arms full of bandages, water, cloths, and other things. No, not the water, I think, like I'm a little kid.

'I hate that man. Do you know his name? You also should've asked help immediately. He will pay for this.' Thorin grunts.

'It's not his fault, it was already wrong of me to scold at him, so I'm definitely not going to give you his name. And I know that now.' I answer, while he carefully cuts the last bit and removes my sleeve.

Grodri sat himself next to Thorin, helping removing the sleeve without letting it touch the wound. I hear them both gasp at the same time. That's not good, I guess. Or maybe it was really good, and they're surprised by that, and-

'DÍS!' they yell to me at the same time. Nope, probably not.

Almost afraid to look at it myself, I turn my head and look at the wound. How wide could my eyes possibly go? I try to keep myself from trembling even more and bite my lip.

The wound looked _disgusting, _my blood not a good red colour and the blood was everywhere, streaming out of my arm like a waterfall.

'I might vomit.' I say, looking up at Thorin and Grodri, who looked shocked.

'How does it come that it looks like this?' Thorin asks, looking my directly in the eyes.

I remember the pointy thing that had caused this wound, remembering how dirty and rusty it was, almost like an orc's blade. The blade from my dream. I remember again what Thorin had said to me. _Orc blades are almost always infected. It could kill you in really bad circumstanced._

I breath deep in and out. How I described the pointy thing was exactly 'the pointy thing' when I just explained it to Thorin. Maybe not the best description.

'That pointy thing I was talking about, I think that's the problem. It was really dirty and rusty, so that must have gone into my blood.' I say, looking at the dirty colour of it.

I hear my brother sigh and he shakes his head. 'Dear Mahal, this can't be true. Dís, you fool. Well, you must have disinfected it.' He says, looking at the stuff that Grodri had put on the desk.

My eyes look down guilty, and I know that Thorin's going to kill me.

'Dís…' Grodri says in a warning tone, a tone that only hopes that what I'm about to say isn't true. Thorin hears that, and slowly looks back at me, indeed with a say-it-and-I'm-going-to-kill-you look. Well, it looks like I'm going to die anyway now.

'I haven't.' I say. These two (or three, how you look at it) little words seemed to explode the room. Thorin and Grodri get up, asking me how I couldn't have done that, seeking for disinfection middle and water between the bandages, looking disgusted at my arm.

I give a deep sigh, not even listening anymore. The pain in my arm was beginning to make me so dizzy that the world seemed to be turning. The massive blood loss, the pain, it was all making me want to go to sleep and wake up without any pain. I desperately want to wake up again and just live my life again.

'Grodri, go get Óin. Now!' Thorin says, and Grodri runs out of the room and is gone within a second. My eyes look sickly and painfully to the ceiling, the pain going everywhere in my body. I feel a wet cloth pressing against my wound and I let out another groan, feeling warm and sweaty.

This is just too much pain. I look at the pool of blood around my arm. Too much blood.

'Thorin.' I say in an almost suffocating voice, before my eyes close and darkness takes me.

* * *

><p>I turn my head on the soft pillow, consciousness slowly making its way back to me. Slowly I wake up, feeling something cold pressed against my forehead, and open my eyes.<p>

I look at a dwarf sitting on a chair, who seems to be asleep. I remember everything that happened last night, but I'm afraid to move. I slowly raise my right arm, the one who's not wounded, and remove the blanket. I look at my left arm, who's laying down next to me. I don't really feel it, but I'm afraid that if I move it, I will, and a lot. There's a bandage still wrapped around the wound, but fortunately the bandage is fully white, not a single red spot on it.

I look again at the dwarf sleeping on the chair. When I narrow my eyes I see that it's Thorin. A little smile curves my lips; I didn't expect anything else. But what I didn't expect is that another pair of hands is carefully putting the blanket back over me again.

'You should keep that over you, that's better.' A soothing voice says.

'Grodri.' I whisper before I turn my head to face him. His blonde hair and braided moustache is falling forward, tickling my lips and nose. I give him also a smile.

'Will you not leave me?' I ask, still feeling very tired.

'I will never leave you, you know that.' He says.

I give a small nod. 'I know. I just… feel better when you say it.'

He gives an understanding look, also giving a look towards Thorin and grins.

'Your brother seriously fell asleep like five minutes ago.' He chuckles. 'He's been awake for the full two days, and I told him every time to get some sleep, but he refused to leave your side.'

I smile, but I didn't miss his 'full two days.'

'I was unconscious for two full days?' I ask worryingly.

'Well, just one, but he hasn't slept yesterday either because he was working so hard.' He says, but I give him a not understanding look.

'Yesterday evening you fainted, just after I went to fetch Óin, Thorin said. Now it's the next day, midday. So don't worry, it wasn't even twenty-four hours, fortunately.' He smiles.

'Now, go back to sleep, you must be really tired.' He says.

Just when I wanted to protest, I yawn. 'I don't.' I still try, but he laughs at that.

'I could wake Thorin, but you don't want me to, but he's going to murder me if I don't, so go back to sleep so that I don't have to wake him and I don't have to be murdered. You don't want that either, do you?'

'Says who?' I joke, but lift my head a little to give him a soft kiss, which I longed to do again. We weren't really 'together' but why I don't know. He loves me just as much as I love him, doesn't he? Why not ask? What have I to lose?

'Grodri.' I say.

'Sleep.' He replies.

'I promise I'll go to sleep, but first I have to ask you something. Do you love me?' I ask, looking into his blue-green eyes which look surprised when I ask it, but not unhappy surprised.

'Of course I do, you know that.'

'Yes, in a friendship way, or brother-sister way. But I want to know, do you love me… in a husband-wife way?'

'Yes, Dís. Yes, with whole my heart, I do.' He says, confirming it with a kiss on my lips.

'Do you?' he asks, suddenly looking worried, looking into my dark brown eyes.

I laugh. 'Oh, yes, you bet so. I love you with whole my heart.' I say, kissing him back, and don't stop until we're interrupted.

'Just that you know, I wasn't really asleep, just closing my eyes.' I hear my brother's voice say, seeing him in the corner of my eyes with his eyes open but a smile on his face.

'Fine, I'll go to sleep.' I say.


	19. Bad news

**I'm so sorry that this update took really long, but I started this chapter and than hadn't got the mood to write.  
>There happened something that kind of makes me feel like Dís in this chapter and I also have test-week.<strong>

**But here's a new chapter, please review!**

**I promise that next update will come sooner!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

><p><span>Bad news<span>

I had done as I had said, and fallen asleep again. A good and silent one this time, without any nightmares or pain. I went to sleep without feeling my arm at all, but now I wake up again and I sadly have to admit that the pain is back again, and I let out a tired sigh.

It's all my own fault, I know, I should've disinfected it right away, but I'm a lazy ass, and it turns out that I'm punished for that.

But, more worryingly than the pain in my arm, is that I feel incredibly sick. Like I'm going to vomit. Wait, I _am _going to vomit.

I shoot up straight, causing both Grodri and Thorin to stir, ignore the pain in my arm and run to the bathroom, just in time to vomit everything in the toilet. Oh, sweet Mahal…

I didn't had time to lock the door, and I hear the doorknob turning.

'Don't come in here!' I warn, and vomit again.

'Dís, what's going on?' An alarming voice says from behind the door.

'I'm having a tea party, what do you think is going on?' I say irritated.

'Óin's coming at nine o'clock, do you think you feel better by than?'

Another vomit echoes through the bathroom.

'Yeah, 'cause I'm gonna be dead.' I choke.

I flash the toilet without looking in it, wash my face and return to the bathroom. I look at the bandage on my arm. It had only a few red spots on it, so it's quite alright I guess?

I could think that the sickness is accidental coming at the precise same time I wounded myself, but I'm smarter than that. It's the dirt in my blood what's making me feel sick, and I know that there's even a change that I don't survive that. How many dwarves have I seen dying, because there had an orc wound from a dirty blade?

But I don't want to die at all, I quickly shake my head, clear my mind and walk back to the bedroom. This is not a good time to think about dying. If I just lie still and keep quiet, doing everything that Óin says, I'll be better in no time, hopping around the place and doing my job.

That are my plans, and I'll do everything to make it the truth.  
>Unfortunately, faith had other plans.<p>

I laid back in bed, and with a little help from Thorin and Grodri I managed to drink and eat something, but I can only hope I don't vomit it back out again in half an hour. I'm actually almost always hungry, expect if I had just eaten really a damn lot. But now I haven't eaten since yesterday, or maybe the day before yesterday, I can't even remember it now, and I wasn't hungry at all. Thirsty, yes, a little, but hungry? No, not at all. And that's not good for a dwarf.

They replaced the bandage again, the wound still looking dirty. Óin came then, examining the wound, saying it wasn't getting much better. But he hadn't said it was getting worse, right?

Every minute seems like an age, since I'm so utterly bored. But when I move Thorin and Grodri are immediately above me, telling me that I need to lay still so I just roll my eyes and listen. But it's incredibly annoying, and I'm almost wishing they would leave me alone for a while. I'm getting better, stop fuzzing over me!

But I was wrong. As the day went by, I started feeling worse and worse. I thought that I was perhaps moving without knowing it, but that couldn't be possible. I was laying absolutely still, and Thorin and Grodri surely would notice. They're both staring at me making me feel really uncomfortable and praying they would look at each other or something in stead of me. This way it's also getting harder to pretend that I'm feeling good, or at least better.

The hope that I had I would feel better was beginning to fade, and I try to catch sleep, but sleep doesn't get here. The pain was maybe keeping me awake, or perhaps I had slept so much already that I just wasn't tired enough?

I feel a few pain shots flowing through my body, and I bite my lip to not let it show. 'Can you two get me something to drink?' I ask, hoping that they both would go away.

'Are you sure? You shouldn't drink too much.' Thorin doubts.

'I'm sure, Thorin. I haven't had anything to drink yesterday, so I'm really thirsty.' I lie. My stomach really aches, and I definitely don't want anything to drink, but I don't know another way of keeping them away.

'Fine. What do you want?' he asks. I sigh in relief.

'Could you make me some tea, please?' I ask innocently. I usually _never _drink tea, in fact I haven't drunk tea in my whole life. But I needed something that would keep them away for a while, and tea was so hot I had to let it cool down a bit first, so that would take extra time for two things. But sadly, Thorin knows I don't drink tea, and he frowns.

'I just heard that it's helping for people when they're ill, so I like to try it. It can't hurt me.' I say, and Thorin finally nods, moving out of the chamber, his best friend following him.

Good, they're gone for a while, so I can finally have a minute of peace and not-awkwardness. You don't know what it's like having two dwarves staring at you all day long, and trying to pretend you're okay when you're really not.

I touch with my fingers the bandage on my other arm. It felt wet. I push away the blanket, and indeed it's red. But it has only been just replaced! I lean over to catch my blanket again, but my stomach definitely doesn't like that. It protest and I feel pain going through whole my body. _Don't cry, you baby, _I think. I indeed don't cry, but only Mahal knows how I succeed in that.

Suddenly, the door opens and Grodri is in the hallway.

'Dís, do you still have a glass?' he asks, looking at the desk, than to me, and his words slow. A moment he looks startled, than he runs up to me, pushing me back into the bed, and pulls to my relief the blanket over me.

'Dís, what on earth were you doing? Sending me and Thorin away so you could escape or something? Why, have we done something wrong? Tell me.'

'I was not escaping!' I protest, looking a bit insulted. How the fuck should I escape when I'm in this condition?

'Than what were you doing?' He asks, looking genuinely curious while he strikes the hair out of my sweating face.

'Getting some peace, away from the concerning looks of your faces.' I simply say.

He looks down in guilt, and I can't help to feel for him. Still, not my fault.

'I'm sorry, Dís, we won't do that anymore if you don't like that.'

'No one would like that.'

'I know, it's just that Thorin and I are very worried. You're looking very pale and sickly, and we can see that you're in pain. The bandage is red every half hour and this morning you vomited probably the whole content of your stomach.'

'I'm always looking pale.' I say dryly, ignoring the rest. I know I was looking the exact same way at Thorin when he was dying, from his head wound. But that was different, I thought that it was my fault and he was really close to dying. I'm just very sick, but not dying. Not yet, at least.

'Dís, you know what I mean.'

'Mmm.' I give as a reply, looking at Thorin in the hallway, sneaking his head around the corner a bit uncomfortable, and I can't help to wonder why. He was making me uncomfortable this whole day, it's not the other way around.

I grunt in pain, making the sound as soft and low as I can, but they both hear it.

'Here's your tea, but I don't think you really need it I can see. Please, don't drink it if you don't need it, because we don't want you to get more sick than you already are, or that you vomit again.'

'Mmm.' I say again, my eyes looking a bit deadly at the tea. It was like I had gone off to another world, I can hear that they're saying something, I just don't know what.

'Are you still feeling okay?'

'Mmm.' I just react, finding it a fine approving answer.

He says something else, but it really passes by, so I just stare at him and give another 'mmm.'

I hardly see anything at all, though my eyes are open. I recognize Grodri's voice, and say automatically 'mmm' again, having not the slightest clue what he's saying.

I wish that they shut their mouth so I could sleep, but I don't want to show them how tired I am, so I keep answering all their question with a 'mmm' until finally a big roaring 'DÍS!' gets me back into this world, and I open my eyes, although I wasn't aware of closing them, and suddenly the sound comes back to me.

'Sorry, I didn't mean to close my eyes.' I say quickly, hoping they haven't noticed I didn't hear them either. Unfortunately….

'You weren't listening to me.' Grodri says, looking seriously into my eyes.

'I was.' I protest, sticking my chin in the air.

'Really? So you were totally aware that you just agreed to go back to the Lonely Mountain-'

'Yes!' I interrupt him, but apparently he hadn't finished.

'To go back to the lonely mountain, have sex with me on the head of Smaug while every dwarf of Erebor is watching and we're mostly going to be roasted by Smaug and eaten just when you were expecting a baby.' He continues, slight amusement flickering in his eyes.

'Mmm.' I say accidently, and both Grodri and Thorin look surprised, but a second later I realize what I've said, and quickly shake my head. 'Wait, what? I mean- No, no! Mahal, no. At least not on the head of Smaug when everybody's watching. I mean- You mean- ugh! Never mind, fine, you win. You were right, I wasn't paying attention, I'm sorry. Just let me sleep for now, okay? I'll feel better in a few hours if I get some sleep.' I say, a bit shocked, than remembering my brother was there and I shouldn't have said that one thing, and then I just gave up.

Both of the dwarves look a bit confused. Thorin looks just simply confused and startled at the same time. Grodri look confused as well, but at the same time very pleased with himself.

'Really, then you will?' He grins. 'Listen Dís, you say every time again and again that you'll feel better in a few hours, but that's been going on for a whole day now, and all of us know that you're getting worse and worse. Let one of us get Óin, while the other waits with you. How's that?' he asks, gently stroking my sweaty hot cheek.

'But I don't want you to get Óin. Just let me sleep, and I'll be better.' I protest, already knowing this is a lost battle.

'We _must _get Óin, don't be a fool Sissy.' He says softly, but his eyes look determined. Also I can't help that my heart makes a jump when he calls me Sissy. You couldn't really have a nickname for Dís, or they sound really stupid. Sissy doesn't look really that much like it, but the way he says it, his eyes fixed on me, I couldn't think of one that could suit me more.

'Alright than, if you so deliberately must. But one of you, please stay here.' I beg.

'Of course.' He says, and places a kiss on my forehead, than straightens his back. 'I'm the fastest runner; I'll go.' Grodri continues, and without another word from anyone, except for an approved nod from Thorin, he flies out of the room. Again.

Thorin walks up to me and start braiding my hair to get it out of the way. Like every dwarf lady, my hair was braided, but I've been sleeping on it for like two days now (or something like that, I expect, it was all to confusing) and it was full of tangles and the braids were almost all undone.

Without another word we wait in silence for Grodri and Óin to return. I just hope they'll come back fast. Luckily, they did, and with a quick 'hello' Óin is busy with his work.

It took much longer than I had expected, checking more than only my arm, and I fall asleep during his research. He can wake me if he has to, and I don't see a reason why I can't sleep.

Indeed, some time later, he gently wakes me, and I blink my eyes a couple of times to adjust my sight. Óin looks worried and unhappy, but he's always looking so serious when he's busy with a patient that I hardly notice, and definitely not find it weird.

But when my gaze falls on the two dwarves behind them, my heard drops. Both their faces are dead white, and like me before, their mind somewhere totally else.

'What is it?' I ask in a loud stern voice like my grandmother's, causing them both to get their attention dragged back into the room.

They both refuse to look at me, what really annoys. Finally, Thorin turns his head and looks at me, not directly in the eye though. Still, Grodri doesn't look at me at all.

I want to clear my throat when no one says something, but Óin is before me.

'Thorin was right, my lady. The infection is indeed in your blood.' He says.

I nod. I know this was bad news, but it was already highly expected. Maybe it was a shock for them, because they really looked shocked, because they didn't want to believe it but now the truth is spit in their faces. I feel a bit like that as well. But unexpectedly, Óin continues.

'It's a great amount, my lady. Too great, and it's already everywhere in your body. There's a chance that you will die, very soon.' At least Óin is the only one with courage, since he's the only one to look directly to me in the eye while bringing this news.

I almost said 'really?' but stopped myself on time, because that would be the most stupid thing to say right now. Instead of that, I ask 'When?' although I'm not really sure I want to hear that. The truth always comes harder than expected. This time is no exception.

'Most likely within two weeks.' Is his reply.

Of course I had heard of the expression 'having a lump in your throat.'

I always thought it was a bit weird, but now I really understand it. It was really like there was something in your throat, something that made you unable to speak or do anything really. It hurts, and it doesn't go away when you swallow.

For a minute, I don't believe it. I don't believe anything of this. But, why else would he tell me this if it wasn't true? He doesn't want to hurt or annoy me. So it's true. It's true…

I swallow again (it still doesn't help) and look Óin directly in the eyes, avoiding the gazes of Thorin and Grodri.

'I'm sad to hear that, but I expect you have done everything you could.'

'Yes, my lady. If you wish I'll do another test, but I'm afraid that's not going to help a even a little bit.' Óin's voice echoes through the silent room.

'Well, than don't bother. Thank you for your help, Óin, I really appreciate it and I know you have done all that you could. If this is how it must be, than it is. No one can change that.' I say, suddenly fighting back the tears. _Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, _I think.

I climb out of bed to my desk, opening the middle draw and get something out of it.

'Here's your pays, and thank you for your help again. I think my brother and friend will let you out.' I say without looking at them, handing over the money to Óin.

Thorin and Grodri don't move, but when Óin turns around after a nod, they both show him out.

I crawl back in my bed before those two idiots return and say I can't do that on my own, and rest against the pillow. My arm is aching and I've no doubt it's bleeding again, but I can't help to not giving a damn about it more. There's more in life than pain.

I hear the front door close, and a second later both Thorin and Grodri are back in the room, one racing to each side of me. The glass with water I had just placed on my lips freezes when I get distracted by their looks.

'Didn't I already say you shouldn't look like that at me, that's very scary.' I say, and carefully drink some of the water.

'Dís…' Thorin says, but I ignore him. I don't _want _to talk about it, because I know that it's going to make me cry. I wish they would leave, leave me alone here so I can cry. But no, even when I was alone, I will not allow myself to cry. Crying is something for babies, remember? I'm not a baby anymore, so I won't behave like one.

But the thought of never going to see these two again gives me the feeling that an arrow is shot through my heart and it's bleeding death.

I put the glass back on the table, keeping my hand as steady as I can, and try not to think about the future. Because I don't have one. Since yesterday I dreamed and dreamed of spending the rest of my live with Grodri. But soon will be the last time I see him.

The irony is that I really thought this morning I was going to get better today. Better today, tomorrow healthy. It turns out today I got worse, two weeks later I'm dead.

'Did Óin say something to you that he hasn't told me?' I ask, giving them only quick looks but not in the eye. Who's a coward now. I force myself to look them in the eye, but I wish I hadn't done that. Their expressions are killing me sooner than my illness.

'No, not really. But he did say that you can take short walks outside if you want to, and that you need to eat and drink something every time before you go.' Thorin's soft low voice says.

'Really? Great.' I say like we were talking about something happy.

I quickly eat something that was placed on my desk as well, force myself to not spit it out again, drink a little bit more, and get back on my feet. I stand before the mirror, but after I second my head forces me to look down. I can't look in the mirror anymore. It's horrible. I can't see myself anymore, only someone who's going to die very soon. I try to let myself look in the mirror, you can better face your fears immediately before they grow too great. But I can't.

I realize I'm still wearing my nightgown, and as a princess you really can't wear a nightgown outside, so I take something of my chair, the most comfortable dress I could find and walk to the bathroom without saying another word to them.

I try to put on my dress without crying, but I'm not doing very well. I bite my lip until it's bleeding, I breath deep in and out, but the tears are almost springing out of my eyes. I hear someone approach and curse myself under my breath. _If he asks, I just bumped my toe, I just bumped my toe, really hard. _I think because I can't think of anything better.

But I got my control back sooner than I expected and the tears are gone before they really could come out, and the door slightly opens, Thorin standing with a concerned look in the door frame.

'Are you alright, Dís?' he asks.

'Yes, why shouldn't I be?' Immediately when I say it I know it's a stupid question, so I quickly correct myself before he could say something. 'I mean, it's just my arm that hurts when I need to put it in the sleeve.' I say.

I was wearing the dress already, but my wounded arm hadn't found his way in the sleeve yet, because when I moved it, it screamed in pain.

'I'll help you.' he comes in, and when he comes really close I can see that even he is fighting back his tears. But why, I'm not dead yet? Really encouraging thought…

'Au!' I yell when my arm feels like it's on fire.

'Sorry.' He quickly says.

'Not your fault, it's that stupid arm.' I say. And then, something suddenly hits me in the face, in the heart. _I _have killed _myself. _Because I was to lazy to get a disinfecting middle, I left it like that. It's my own bloody fault. And I know Thorin must have already realized that. His very own sister was so incredibly stupid that she killed herself, accidently. Just when she was feeling more alive again, she would die. And also _I _made Thorin unhappy, for making him completely alone. When I die, he has no siblings anymore. Well, Balin, Dwalin, Óin, Glóin, and some more. But no parents, grandparent, brothers or sisters. Now I can only hope he finds a wife of his own to have a family again.

But my eyes brighten a little with the though of Frerin, my other dearly beloved brother, waiting on the other side of me, wherever that may be. Where I'm going, he is. Mother is. So many more are. It can't be that bad? But how can it be better than life?

'Done.' He says, and with some help of his we come back to the bedroom where Grodri is waiting. When he notices us he follows and opens the front door. I didn't think about all the people that would watch us. The princess walking with her brother and friend keeping her upright?

'Maybe I should walk by myself-' I start, but they leave me no chance to finish.

'No!' they both say at the same time. 'You'll need our help, Dís, whether you want it or not.' Thorin continues.

'Fine than.' I sigh, walking outside with both of them supporting me. 'But please don't act like I'm a thousand year old lady, I only need one of you to keep me straight.' I say, rolling my eyes.

Grodri let his grip on me go, so I have only Thorin to support on. But my the corners of my mouth curve up in a little smile when every dwarf that stares at us is rewarded with a deadly look from Grodri.

After almost half an hour walking we come back home. 'Thorin, shouldn't you go back to the people? They need their king and I'm alright for a while. I know you love me, and you're doing everything to support me, but shouldn't you go back to get everything back in order again? Things were already looking different.' I wonder.

'How can you say that, Dís?!' he suddenly bursts out, making me almost jump in the air of surprise. 'You've only got two weeks left to live, two weeks! Don't you think I want to be with you every minute you've got left?' his eyes are standing hopeless and desperate, like I've never seen them before, only after Frerin had died. A shiver runs down my spine when he says those words out loud. _You've only got two weeks left to live._

'But your people-' I start.

'He's right, Dís. It's the same thing for the both of us.' Grodri interrupts.

'I care more about you than the people, Dís.' Thorin continues.

'But you have to do _something, _or it'll be a complete mess when you've got to go back to work.' I say, not daring to say 'in two weeks.'

His eyes look from me to Grodri and back again, hopeless. They both know I'm right.

'Do something very quickly than, but do something.' I say again.

'I'll ask Balin to take a temporarily lead. Grodri, bring her back into bed. I'll be right back.' Thorin says.

'But you can't just do that, you-' But before I can finish my sentence, Thorin has turned around and disappears into the distance.

'Alright than.' I whisper, looking up at Grodri.

'Come, let's go inside.' He says, placing a hand on my back and pushes me carefully in my house.

'Yes, and put me into bed like I'm a child?' I say disapproving. 'Do you want me to say now ''I don't want to go to bed!'' like a real child? Because I won't do that!' I don't know where my sudden anger comes from, but I can't help it and Grodri looks at me in surprise.

'I know you're not a child, but you need to go back-' They never let me finish, so I don't plan to do any different.

'What does it matter? What does it all matter how long I walk, or when I go to bed, if I do drink or eat or not? I'm going to die anyway!' My voice rises to a hysterical level, and I try again not to cry.

Grodri looks at me in complete shock, and suddenly pushes my body against his, one hand still on my back and the other on the back of my head, whirling it in my hair as he kisses me, making my eyes close and letting my body melt against his.

When he finally breaks the kiss, he looks at me with a soft and loving expression in his eyes and speaks in his soft low voice to me. 'Because I love you and don't want to lose you, so I want you to live. And I'll do anything to make that happen.'

The lump in my throat returns again and I blink my eyes a few times, than nod.

'I'll go to bed. But you can't let me live. I'm sorry for that, but it's the truth. I say, let's not waste another minute and live the life we have as much as possible. Now.' I say, looking into his dreamy eyes.

'Who knows.' A short and weak smile appears on his face while he lifts me up. 'And how do you propose to do that?'

I return his smile, my eyes slightly amused. 'Well, with a start, you can help me out of this dress and put back on my nightgown.'

He gives me a cheeky grin. 'Order obeyed, my lady. With no problems at all.'

Just when he puts me back into bed, Thorin stands again in the hallway.

'Hello brother. Back again? Did your weird plan work?' I ask.

'Hello, my sister. Yes, my plan did work, and it's not weird. As it turns out.'

I roll my eyes while Grodri pulls the blanket over me. 'You look tired. Maybe you should sleep.' He suggests.

I shake my head, but Thorin agrees with him and after a short argument I let them win because life's too short to fight.

'Can you get me meanwhile something else to drink? From all that walking and- no, just walking, I get thirsty.' I ask.

Thorin nods and leaves the room, followed by Grodri who gave me another cheeky smile because he knew what I almost said.

They stay away to my great relief, because (surprise surprise) I wasn't really thirsty but just wanted to be alone again, since the tears are now really keen of rolling over my cheeks. And before I know it, they do. Before I know it, I break down, the tears more falling than rolling out of my eyes because it has no time to roll, and they keep coming and coming. I pull my legs up and place my head on my knees, almost choking.

Why, Mahal, why did this need to happen to me? If I only could turn back time. But that's something impossible.

Half an hour later my tears finally stop and only red eyes are left. And after a short while, even those are gone. Hopefully, because Thorin and Grodri re-enter the room again, a glass of water in Thorin's hand, who places it on the desk next to my bed. I wonder why he doesn't give it to me, but that soon became obvious.

'We were talking, and have come to the solution that we mustn't give up yet. There still must be a way of making you better, and neither of us will give up on you.' Thorin announces while he sits down. I also wish he didn't talk about that, it makes me feel uncomfortable and sad, making me want to cry again.

'What, Thorin? But that's ridiculous! What makes you think there will be a way of making me better. Are you doubting Óin?' I ask unbelievable.

'No, we don't doubt him. But there are things that goes beyond the skills of dwarves, if it's about medicines, Dís. There's another race who is the master in that, if you would like to call it like that.' Just the bitter way he talks and the way he spits out 'race' I know where he's talking about. Elves.

'Elves? Really, Thorin? But you hate them, you rather die than seeking the help of an elf, you said that yourself! And what makes you think they will help us this time?'

Thorin jumps of his seat again. 'I would rather die myself, but I won't let you die! You are all that I have left, and I don't want to lose you!' he shouts, and I hear the desperate tone in his voice. 'You must go to Rivendell. That's the closest. And they will help us.'

'Wait, what? Say that again? _I _must go to Rivendell?' I ask shocked and surprised.

'Óin said you'll only have most likely no more than two weeks. It takes at least two weeks to travel there, so we can't send someone. You won't make it that long, Dís. You must go so you could be helped, by elves, on time. And it's not sure it's going to be on time. There's only a very small change, but we must risk it, for your sake.' Grodri says.

'Do I understand this right? You want me to go to Rivendell to get a medicine from an elf, if I already make it in time, and they might even not have a medicine that will help.'

'Yes.' Grodri says.

'Than you're mad, both of you!' I yell in protest.

'Dís, we're not mad-'

'Yes, you are!'

'Okay, maybe. But think that this might be our only hope? Your only hope? You want a future, right? You don't want to die, I know that. Please, do this for us if you don't want to do it for yourself.' Thorin begs.

'So you want me to go to that elf place on my own?' I ask worryingly.

'No, we will set out a group of dwarves to go with you. Grodri will come along to, but he said I shouldn't come as well.' Thorin says a bit grumpy.

'For Mahal's sake, I told why already a million times, Thorin! First of all, you can't leave Balin alone here, second of all, you and elves are really no good combination. That's the end of it. I'll make sure your sister makes it in time, for I love her as much as you do.' Grodri says, looking Thorin directly in the eyes. He didn't sound angry, but so determined that I immediately look at Thorin for his direction. He looks defeated and nods than.

'I know you do. Both do.' He says, his eyes going from Grodri to me and back.

'Good. Dís, when do you want to leave? I can see you haven't slept yet, neither did I, but we haven't got much time.' Grodri asks, also looking at me now. It's true. It's a race against an inner clock of me. It's not like something where you can get too late, like a wedding or funeral. It's something that if it's too late, there's nothing left.

'I prefer to sleep a bit first. You can sleep too.' I say.

Luckily, they do agree with me.

'Fine, I'll sleep on the couch.' He says and walks away, but I catch his sleeve, shaking my head.

'No, you need to have a good and proper sleep. I know and see that you also haven't slept in days, so come lie next to me, please. There's room for both of us.' I say.

Grodri looks at me, and than at the bed. Not really room enough for both of us, but I don't mind. He grins. 'Ah, yes, the difference between me and Thorin's love that I can sleep in the same bed with you while doing other things while he really needs to sleep.'

Thorin rolls his eyes and I try not to laugh, as I pull him in bed. 'Sadly for you, we really need to sleep right now. If we make it on time in Rivendell and they actually have a medicine we'll have plenty enough time to do that. And if we don't get there in time we search a cave and let the other dwarves stay outside as guards.' I laugh, and receive a kiss on my nose.

Grodri grins again and Thorin looks really uncomfortable. 'Mahal, spare Thorin from this. Sorry, we'll go to sleep now.' I say.

'Good. I'll watch over you.' Thorin answers.


	20. Visiting the elves

**Chapter 20 and an extra long chapter, woohoo!****I really like this one as well, I hope you do too!  
>The next chapter will give you all the answers from the ending, so have patience :p<strong>

**Thanks for the new followers and favourite, so pleaseeee, make a review, I've missed those!****And this chapter is quite a lot of work and I've been busy for hours.**

**The idea for all this chapter and the previous ones with the same subject come btw from Kíli and Tauriel, where he gets shot with an orc arrow and gets infected, then Tauriel heals him^^**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

><p><span>Visiting the elves<span>

'Mm? What?' I ask sleepily and blink me eyes. I had spent several hours sleeping, but I'm still tired.

'I said that we need to go.' Grodri says. I look up at see him already standing next to the bed, looking ready to leave. 'Dwarf, I'm still in my nightgown. Let me change first. You go and already pack the ponies, Thorin will help me.' I say while I'm coming out of bed, rejecting the help from my friend or brother. I shoo him out of the room and Thorin helps me putting on my travel clothes, gives me something to drink and eat and we walk outside together.

It was apparently still very early in the morning, because really no-one was here, and dwarves already cross these streets when most of middle-earth is still awake. The sky is light enough to see, but it's still a bit dark.

When we arrive at the ponies, Grodri had done as I told him too and packed the ponies. A small group of dwarves were already standing around. As a princess, I already know them all, but some better than others.

'I chose the best fighters along with the most loyal. I think that would be a wise decision.' Thorin whispers in my ear. I nod as a reply, looking around the group. 'It's good, thank you.' I whisper back. I walk to my pony, stroking him gently. I know that riding a pony is going to kill my arm even more, but two dwarves on one pony is going to slow everything down.

I look around, suddenly realizing that this might be the last time I see this place. And, there's the lump in my throat again. I must be the most baby-like dwarf ever. My gaze finally stops at my brother. This might be the very last time I see _him. _Not many can say a real goodbye to their beloved ones before they die, so I want to take my change, only hoping it's not a real goodbye.

'Thorin.' I whisper, but words falter me. What can I say to him? Goodbye dear brother, this is very likely the last time I see you but I love you so don't cry for me? Yeah, that's not really helpful.

Instead I strike his raven black hair back, the exact same hair as mine. We look quite a lot like each other. _Except those eyes, they match Frerin's. _I give a deep sigh and place my forehead against his. 'I hope to see you again, my brother. If not…' what do I say now? 'this will be our last meeting. So remember this, Thorin. Remember I love you, like I've always loved you and will always love you for as long as I live, and if I can love you in death I will as well. You're my brother, I will think of you before I die. Just promise you'll think of me as well.' I whisper, so that he's the only one who can hear it.

'I promise.' He says, patching my shoulder.

A smile appears on my face. 'Good.' I step back and with his help I get onto my horse, my arm again screaming for attention. Really, fuck my arm.

'Let's go, we have no time to lose.' Grodri announces, making his pony turn around and rides away, followed by the other dwarves.

'Goodbye, Thorin.' I say, giving him one last glance before I turn around as well and follow them while the sun starts shining through the clouds. If he had said something, I couldn't hear it anymore.

* * *

><p>The road was very quiet, no man, dwarf, and luckily also no orc to be seen or heard. Only the sound of our own ponies clattering on the grass or stone was the only thing that filled our ears. Even the dwarves were quiet, which actually is quite unusual for dwarves.<p>

If Frerin was there, he and Grodri might have another argument on whose sword was the best, and if Thorin was here we would actually not be here but still some kilometres away, arguing about which is the right way to go. Thorin, or mister sense of direction. The incredible stupid dwarf. I must say that I'm not that skilled in directions either, but at least I don't make a fool of myself. How he gets lost I don't know, but you could put him in a forest a thousand times and then he still doesn't know the way, even if you would give him a map and a guide. He would throw away the map and argue with the guide.

A yell of one of the dwarves interrupts my thoughts, and I immediately look up again, searching for the reason the dwarf yelled. But I can't see or hear anything. 'What is it?' I ask, looking in the dwarf's direction.

'I believe I saw something move, in the distance. I'm sure of it, something black that was looking at us.' The dwarf says, pointing.

I frown, looking where he's pointing at, but nothing catches my eyes. 'Are you sure it wasn't just a bird?' I ask, moving my pony in that direction.

'No, it definitely wasn't a bird, it was way too big for that!' he says irritated.

'But in the direction you're pointing at – it's a clear field, so if there was something we should see it, shouldn't we? It hasn't got any trees or bushes to hide behind, and orcs are never alone so you should see some more.' I notice, letting my pony stop next to Grodri.

'Are you seeing or hearing anything?' I ask him softly without looking at him, my eyes still searching the field.

'Nope.' Grodri replies.

'Are you smelling anything? Except for yourself, than.'

Grodri grins. 'Except for myself, and you my lady, and all those other dwarves, and the ponies, not really.'

'I wanted to say good but now you insulted me and I can't say that anymore.' I turn my pony around at the dwarf. 'Are you sure it came from that direction?' the dwarf nods. 'As we all can see, there's nothing there. Let's not waste anymore of our time, let's go!' I say and move on. The dwarf gives me a dead look, but I don't care and pretend I didn't see that.

'Is it true? That you are dying?' he suddenly asks. I stop my pony and look over my shoulder to him. All the other dwarves are standing like they've been frozen, except for Grodri who looks like he could murder the dwarf. No, not could, is going to. He opens his mouth, his expression furious, but before he could say the most nasty things he might regret (well, he wouldn't, I know him well enough for that) I speak.

'Yes, that's true.' I simply say, ready to turn around and walk on again, but he isn't finished.

'So we're going to the _elves _right now, just for you? Dwarves from our people die everyday, but only because you're the king's sister he arranged that we need to do something extra, so you might live?' he says with anger in his tone. I suddenly remember that this dwarf had lost half of his family in the battle of Azanulbizar and some died on the road, others even in the settlement, and I can't help to feel for him. This must feel so dishonest for him, and for more I guess.

'You've lost many family members, haven't you?' I ask.

'I believe I heard we had a maximum of two weeks. Why? Will you be dead in two weeks?' he continues asking, ignoring my question.

'If we don't hurry, yes.' With these words I turn around and move on, realizing my words when I say them. I know that he will stop asking questions now, because I'm from Durin's line and he will have to listen to me. That probably might be the only advantage of being the sister to a king.

I indeed hear them following me, and the next second Grodri is riding next to me, looking very angry. I can't help to smile at that. Not that he's angry, but the _reason _he's angry.

'What's funny?' he asks irritated.

'Nothing.' I say quickly, pulling my face back to normal.

'The nerve of some dwarves, I'm going to-'

'No, Grodri!' I immediately interrupt him, not wishing to know what he was going to say if I didn't. 'You're not going to do anything, do you understand?'

'But you heard-' He starts, but again I don't let him finish his sentence.

'Yes, I heard what he said. But didn't he had the full right to know, why he's here, what we're doing? And wouldn't you be angry?'

'Why should he be angry?' he grunts. 'If we don't get there on time you're… not here anymore.' He swallows.

'Yes, but he's right. Only because I'm the king's sister I can go to the elves to ask for a medicine. You know he wouldn't have done that for anyone else who is still alive. If I were your sister instead of Thorin's, he wouldn't have allowed it, simply because his hate for elves. That's not the only reason of course. We have often sick or injured dwarves who will eventually die, so you can't seek for help every single time. Orcs will find out and kill us because we're in smaller groups divided, so that means we're all going to be killed. But wouldn't you be angry, if I would die, and Thorin had another sister who was as ill as me, and she could go on this journey that I'm taking while I would die? He has the full reason to be angry, and I let him to.' I end with a soft voice, looking over my shoulder to the angry dwarf, feeling more sorry for him than ever. I knew him before, not much but not that little. He's a nice dwarf, for as far dwarves can be nice.

I look back at Grodri, who looked down at the manes of his pony. He finally speaks in a low voice: 'You could not be another one's sister than Thorin, you look too much like him.'

I frown. 'That wasn't my point of the story, idiot.'

He's silent for a while and I didn't expect an answer back, but he did. 'I know, but I want to change subject. I don't want to think about you being dead.'

I open my mouth to say that actually wasn't the point of the story either, but this time I get interrupted by a growling scream coming from the left. I look past Grodri and see orcs on wargs riding this way. I curse under my breath, turning my pony around, and Grodri does the same thing. 'Orc attack!' I yell with a raised voice, but all the other dwarves had already turned around.

I'm surprised to see the orcs on wargs. I knew that they were riding on it sometimes, but although I'm fifty-two, I've never seen it before. They were always on foot when they attacked us, and when we were on the road they also always seemed to be on foot.

I charge my pony forward with a battle scream while trying to ignore the stronger getting pain in my arm and attack. Immediately after me the other dwarves and orcs follow and I already feel desperate. We weren't with that much dwarves, and these orcs were on wargs, who were a lot faster than ponies. I already feel half dead and tired just at the beginning.

The sword is starting to become to heavy for my arm, so I take out my bow and arrow. I need to move my arms more, but it's going to hurt anyway and at least it's not that heavy. And I'm a master in archery, if you compare me to most dwarves at least.

I mostly shoot the wargs first, causing the orcs to fall of them, and shoot the orc or let someone else kill the orc if there's another warg heading someone's way. I hear a pained scream and look at the dwarf quickly. A guilty relief comes over me when I see it's not Grodri but a dwarf I hardly know. _Shame on me, what kind of princess am I? What kind of _dwarf _am I?_

I turn my head again, seeing that an orc on his warg had come this way and is nearly approaching me. As quick as I can I get another arrow, but my already very hurt arm seems to fall off at that point, and I'm not quick enough. The orc arrives just in time to slice my head off, but he didn't. And there's a very good reason for that; he couldn't.

My pony pranced, his hooves whirling around in the air and finally kicking them against the orc's chest, who falls off his warg with a very painful sound, something like cracking bones.

I still held the bow and arrow in my hand and when I see the warg ready to bite my pony, I fire an arrow through it's head, his eye to be specific. Seeing it so close made me feel even more sick, but that was not my problem. Because I fired the arrow I wasn't holding anything; and that's not good when you're on a vertical standing horse.

I also fall of the horse, and when I hit the ground my breath is taking away from me some seconds. When I try to get up I see the warg lying dead on the ground, blood pouring from what seems to be everywhere, but I haven't got much time to look when the orc that was kicked off it stands above me, a dagger in his hand.

He gives me a creepy smile and drives the dagger down. Than I kick him as hard as I can in his balls, assuming orcs have those, and as I expected he gives a cry and drops the dagger.

Being a young girl with two older brothers who kept sneaking things out of your room when they thought you hadn't noticed, gives some nice tricks to give them back. They said I really shouldn't do that because it really hurt, but I don't give a damn and I never will. And as is visible now, it has worked.

I quickly pick up the dagger before the orc has a change to recover from the pain and cut his throat with it. Ha, killed by your own dagger. That will learn him.

The orc falls over, on top of me, causing me to fall again. Mahal, the smell!

I try to pull the body away, but my arm aches to much for that, even when I use my other arm. I groan in pain and kick with my big boots, not that it really helps.

I can't hear any more noise, so I assume that the fight is over. But who won? Or was I the only one left alive? I feel worried but before I can call, someone calls my name.

'Dís? Dís, where are you?' a desperate voice calls. But before I can give a reply, he apparently sees my, and with a scream he runs my way. I couldn't hear what he screamed, or what he's saying now, so I just wait for him to take the orc's body away. But then the words become clear: 'no, no, no no no no no!'

Shit, because I'm lying still on the ground buried underneath the weight of an orc he must think I'm dead. I make a small noise to make clear I'm still alive, but under his own curses he can't hear it. The body is thrown away from me and I assume he would've noticed me alive now, but I immediately get flung into his arms, his face buried in my shoulder.

I slowly move my hand upwards, moving away the blonde hair from his face and whisper in his ears. 'Grodri, it's alright, I'm alive, I'm ok- are you crying?'

His head immediately is from my shoulder, his eyes facing mine. Sick, tired and worried, but alive.

'Dís – Mahal, I thought you were – but…?' he stumbles. He stares another second at me before giving me a big kiss on the mouth, almost making me jump in surprise, but I just go with it, but he already retreats.

'Shit, I'm sorry, did I hurt you?'

'No, I'm fine. Just help me up, will you?'

'Yes, of course.' He replies and helps me up. 'I saw you falling of your horse, but when I tried to get to you I was stopped by three orcs at the time. I'm sorry.'

'Don't say you're sorry, you can't help that.' I say when I'm standing up straight and look to the dwarves. They were all still alive, except for one, who was torn apart by a warg, his blood flowing in the ground along with all the dead orcs and wargs.

I look questioning to the dwarves very surprised and confused faces, though some have wounds where blood was still coming out. Where they all also thinking I was dead? It takes me some seconds to figure it out, but than I know. They had just seen a probably dead princess who actually wasn't dead and just a simple dwarf who works a the forge crying while holding the 'dead' princess, who suddenly woke up and received a big kiss from the simple dwarf. I realize that the only one who actually knew we were together was Thorin, but maybe Óin.

Standing a bit uncomfortable I lean onto Grodri, searching the angry dwarf who had spotted the orcs first a while ago before they attacked.

'I have to apologise to you, master dwarf. It turns out you were right spotting those orcs, and I was wrong not to listen to you. A princess should always listen to her people, and I know I don't make a very fine princess, but at least accept my apologies.'

He doesn't look like he was going to, but that doesn't matter, because I wasn't finished. I just needed to breath deep in and out, because the world was going dizzy and blurry, everything turning around.

'It turns out you have the best eyes from all of us, and you're probably the most intelligent either.' A 'hé!' sound came from the other dwarves, even from Grodri, but I ignore it and keep my eye contact with the dwarf. 'So I also would appreciate it if you would go in the front of our group and guide us to Rivendell.' I say, forcing myself to smile.

The dwarf looks immediately pleased. 'And of course I will accept your apologies, my lady, and guide you to Rivendell along with the other dwarves.' He says, nodding his head.

Grodri immediately protests. 'But, Dís, you can't do that!'

I look at him, my eyelids feeling heavy. 'I'm too sick to lead the way, and he _is _the best in spotting things.'

'But he doesn't even know the way; I can do it, Thorin told me how to get there!' he still tries.

The dwarf approaches, his eyes looking dark at Grodri's.

'I'm sure he can do it, Grodri. If he doesn't know the way he can and will ask you for help.' I say, looking sharp at both dwarves.

Grodri opens his mouth again, but I shut it. 'No more protests – you know we haven't got much time and since I'm a bloody princess you will do as I say. Do you both understand?' I say strictly, and in my own ears I sound like my grandmother. I hope not though.

'Good. Let's get back on our ponies and continue our travel.' I say.

One of the dwarves calls Grodri, causing him to turn his head away and loosen his grip, just when I was about to take a step and the whole world turns and turns endlessly, my vision even blurrier, and the pain in my arm even greater. Was that still possible, I'm starting to think.

I fall over but before I hit the ground the dwarf catches me. I can't even remember his name, and yet I put him in the lead. What would Thorin have done? I wonder, while stroking Grodri's beard who was now hanging above me before he disappeared and the world went black, the screams who called my name all gone.

* * *

><p>I open my eyes and blink, but all I can see is a black darkness covering me, and I can hear absolutely nothing. Am I dead? Is this what death looks like? Did I die in the arms of the dwarf I can't remember his name anymore while looking with a pleading look in Grodri's eyes. I can't remember if I said it, but what I thought was: 'Don't let me die!' But did I?<p>

There's suddenly a cold hand on my forehead and I gasp for breath. It was a very cold hand, but was it dead?

'Hush hush.' A soothing voice says, and I immediately relax. I'm not dead. Or Grodri is dead now as well?

When that thought wells up in my head I look concerned around, trying to find his face, but there was only darkness. Where is he, where am I? The hand slips away from my forehead and is replaced by a kiss, which calms me down. No, I couldn't be dead. You can't fake that feeling, could you? You couldn't feel when you were dead, right? Or am I still in that place where I thought I had died?

'Grodri?' I cry, because I simply couldn't think of another way to figure everything out.

'Sshh, I'm here Sissy. Don't worry. You're alright. And now you're awake, I'm alright too.' His low voice whispers in my ear.

'Am I still alive? And you are as well?' I ask in a small terrified voice, afraid of the answer. Nothing like me at all.

'Yes, we're both still alive.'

I finally let out a relieved sigh, but my mind isn't satisfied yet. 'What happened? Why can't I see you?' I ask.

'You mean what happened after you passed out? Well, first we thought you were really dead this time, but then we checked your pulse and found out you still weren't. Than I put you in front of me on the same pony and we have been riding all day and most of the night. We're having a small break for the ponies and us, but we're continuing in a couple of hours, so I would sleep some more if I were you. But if you want you can sleep on the pony as well, because I put you in front of me again, but I don't think you can sleep very nicely on a pony.' He says, followed by something that sounded like grinning. 'You can't see me because we're in a bloody dark cave, and I didn't even know you were awake until you gasped. How long were you awake already?'

I cough and let my hand find his. I can almost _feel _his worried gaze at me. 'I just woke up some second before you put your hand on my forehead, and then I gasped. But I passed out for quite a while, haven't I?'

It takes a while for an answer, and I guess he first nodded, and then remembered I couldn't see him. 'I mean, yes, for quite a while.'

I let out another small sigh. 'You said we will be leaving in some hours-'

'Yes, so you can better sleep.'

'Don't interrupt me.' I say and I can hear him grin. I know what he's going to say: _Hear who it says, _but I don't let him and continue. 'But have you got any sleep yourself? I know you.'

'Sadly, you do. No, I haven't got any sleep. And because _I _know _you, _you're going to say now that I need to get some sleep as well.'

'Exactly, master dwarf. And if you don't do it I kick you in the balls like I did to that orc who tried to kill me with his dagger, and believe me, he didn't like it.' I say determined.

'You kicked an orc in the balls? That's awesome, Dís!' he says excitedly, and I can't help to grin.

'Yes, but he didn't like it as much as you do.'

'He didn't? I may hope so.'

'Nope, and do you remember what I said? If you don't go to sleep right now, I will test it on you, to see if you're still as excited about it as now, and to test if you still like me.' I say with a smile, and although I know he can't see that, I know he knows I'm smiling. I'm right.

'I can just _hear _you smiling, Dís!' he calls out. 'Well, fine. I'm not so sure if I would like you that much, and my nuts definitely wouldn't. Still, I was hoping you would do other things to my-'

'Sleep!' I laugh, but it turns into a cough. I hear him lying down on the floor next to me, and I put my hand on his body, feeling he has no blanket. 'Let we share again a blanket, like we did before, shall we?' I ask, but don't wait for a reaction. I put it over him, ignore his protests and just kiss the part of him that's straight before me. His neck.

'Goodnight.' I murmur softly, and his reply sounds already half-asleep, and indeed not even a minute later, I feel his regular breathing against my skin, making me fall asleep as well.

* * *

><p>We left that day very early in the morning, most of the dwarves haven't slept for more than a few hours. To everyone's annoyance, this kept going on the whole week. And, the one after that.<p>

Today is exactly two weeks later since I heard the news I would die most likely within two weeks. Well, fourteen days later and I'm still alive! But how… Everyday my strength had lessened, I didn't want to eat or drink anything more because my stomach couldn't take that, I would wake up from the pain at night if I could sleep at all and riding a horse made me feel even more sick. According to Grodri and the other dwarves I had turned into an alarming ghost-white colour and my eyes were dull, like I was already dead. I kept coughing and often we needed to find extra water, hoping I would not vomit it out again, what happened three times in one week already.

I barely slept but didn't want to wake up Grodri to worry him even more, who was never leaving me for a second in the whole day. That's quite exhausting, but I'm happy about it, knowing I would immediately fall if I was alone.

Still, one thing worries me more: we weren't exactly that close to Rivendell. We had made a lot of progress, but our tempo has slowed down because the ponies were also tired.

According to the leading dwarf, it would take at least two days in this tempo. Could I afford another two days, or would I die before that? Who knows.

Grodri said it out loud and that we need to hurry, so we did. But the faster tempo made me feel even more sick. I had almost lost the feeling in my upper arm, where the wound was. The only thing I could feel there was the insanely great pain.

Despite all of this I didn't cry; I couldn't cry. Maybe I had run out of tears, or I was simple to exhausted to cry. I didn't want to cry either, so that wasn't really a problem. But it makes me feel even more weird.

'We must let the ponies rest!' a dwarf announces, but Grodri (as expected by everyone) didn't agree.

'We haven't got much time left; we must go, now! And ride on until we arrive at Rivendell.'

'That will still take a day and a half, you bloody idiot. We must rest so that we can go on a real fast tempo and arrive still alive.'

'If we rest now we won't all live!' Grodri shouts so hard that even I have to look away. A big silence follows, but not for long.

'We stay here.' The dwarf decides and turns his pony away from us, leaving Grodri crushing his teeth.

'It's okay, dear. Help me off the pony, will you?' I say quietly and fortunately Grodri obeys without protesting. The miracles haven't left the world yet.

'Are you sure, we really must hurry.' He continues. Okay, maybe they have left the world. I hope not, though.

'I'm sure; I want to sleep anyway and I indeed can't do that on a riding pony.' I try to give him a smile, even a weak one would be enough, but I can't manage to smile anymore.

Grodri helps me lie down on the ground (if I did it by myself I would just drop on the floor and probably never come up again) and strikes my hair out of my sweaty face.

My hair was usually braided beautifully with all sort of things in it; now it was hanging in threads next to my face, and because it's so very dark black it makes me seem even more pale.

After a rest of half an hour we continue our journey in an indeed higher tempo, although I know that wouldn't be for long, because half an hour rest is like nothing. I was right again, because not much later we slowed down a bit. I close my eyes a bit, trying to catch sleep, but sleep doesn't want to catch me. Fuck it.

I feel dizzy so I open my eyes again, only to see everything very blurry. I expect there's just something in my eye, or it's caused by the sleep, but no matter how many times I blink or rub my eyes, the vision doesn't become any more clear. It's actually becoming blurrier.

I throw my hands in the air before my head because it feels like someone is hitting me with a hammer, but all I grasp is just air. It's a hammer from inside my head that's hitting me inside.

I let out another exhausted groan when the world is suddenly spinning, and I take Grodri's hands while I throw my head backwards so it can rest on his shoulder.

'It's okay, it's all okay, Dís.' He whispers in my ear, like he always did when I felt sick.

I have always said 'I know' until now. Because it wasn't the truth anymore. 'No… it's not.' I gasp, and before I know it I fall out of his arms, though I always thought it was impossible to escape from that firm grasp, fall off a horse again and hit the ground where I am unable to move even a finger. A scream causes everybody to stand still, and I find myself lying in Grodri's arms once again. But this will be the last time, I can feel it. It feels different than before. More… dangerous and real. More like the end. A sad ending of a tragedy. There's no room for happy endings in the line of Durin. I can only pray that my brother will get one. But what will happen to him if he finds out I'm dead?

'Dís?' Grodri's hand strikes past my rough cold skin and my eyes look up at him. My head was in his lap, his face upside down above me. 'Come on, we're almost there.'

'I'm so… tired.' I gasp again.

'I know, you can sleep, but promise me you'll wake up again.' He begs, putting a thick grey blanket around me on which I hold onto like it's my lifeline.

'I can't promise anything.' I say hoarse. Than I close my eyes, not caring if I live or die now. If this is how I must live one day longer, I prefer to be dead.

* * *

><p>The first time I had passed out, I woke up in a complete and utter darkness. Now I'm waking up in an extreme light place, where everything seems to be white or a deep golden colour. Dwarves like gold, but not white. It gives me an even bigger headache than I already had. I wonder where I am. Caves certainly don't look like this. Is this what heaven looks like?<p>

Nothing like I had in mind, and I can honestly say I hate it. It looks to much… elf like.

_Elf like, _I think and gasp for breath. _Elf like! _Had I somehow made it to Rivendell? But how could that possibly be true, if I wasn't any near that place when I had passed out or died?

I remember falling on the ground, my head in Grodri's lap, thinking about Thorin, and finally everything going black what seemed to be for the last time.

But it looks like I'm alive and made it to Rivendell. But they said it would take another day and a half?

Wishing to find answers, I look around. This was surely elf-like. Not that I've seen anything that actually _was _elf-like. I only know Thranduil, King of Mirkwood, and that he always came to Erebor with some guards to pay homage to grandfather, and when Erebor was attacked by Smaug, they just turned away.

Maybe it's heaven after all instead of Rivendell. But how can I be sure, there's no one to be seen in this room, if that's what it is. No elf or Frerin is here. Maybe you go to heaven alone and there's no one waiting for you at the other side, how would I know? It's actually quite stupid to think that someone will be waiting for you on the other side; dead is dead.

Since then I never thought again someone would wait for me on the other side, and that when you're dead you're just dead. There are no Halls of Waiting. It was all just a lie, one we were all silly enough the believe in.

I jump frightened in the air when the door is suddenly opened, causing a pain shock through whole my body.

'Lay still, that will hurt you.' An elf said who had come into the room. He doesn't look at me and say anything else, just pulls away the blanket (rude) and takes up my arm. I'm amazed how careful those fingers could hold something, like my arm's from mithril or gold.

Well, it's just a dead arm with a disgusting looking wound. I'm surprised it's not cut off. I want to ask if I'm alive, but that would seem like the most stupid question in the world, one I dared only asking to Thorin or Grodri.

Instead I just keep my mouth shut and look at my arm. It was covered in a white bandage without any blood, but maybe he just put it on like a minute ago and only was going to the toilet or something.

But he takes of the bandage, and I gasp again (it's becoming really annoying now) when I see the once so disgusting, deep and sickly red blood pouring out of it, now being no more than an ordinary wound. It was stitched and there wasn't any blood, or anything else, coming out of it. It still hurts, like everything in my body, but at least I have stopped coughing and don't have the desire to vomit anymore.

'Am I in Rivendell?' I can't help to ask. 'Yes.' Is the elf's reply.

'How did I get here?' I continue asking, hoping for an answer. 'It's a long story; maybe you should let your friend tell that.'

'Grodri? Is he here, and is he okay?'

'I don't know his name, and he isn't here so I don't know if he's okay. Stop asking questions, drink this, and than go back to sleep.' The elf says, putting a cup with something really gross looking in it in front of my face.

'What do you mean he isn't here, what are you talking about, elf?' I ask dominantly, feeling three times as big as him, though I should be a tree than.

'I said drink this.' Is the only thing he says, pushing the cup into my hands.

'Not before you tell me something.' I say angrily. 'I'm not going to drink this at all, actually. It's looking really gross, so how would I know you're not trying to poison me or something?'

'Why would I first rescue you, heal your wound, make that stuff that you really need to drink because it helps healing you and then try to poison you?' he asks wonderingly. 'You will get answers, I promise. The most important thing for you to do now is resting, so do as I say because I can just as easily put you back in the wilderness along with your other little friends and – what was his name, Goaty or something?'

I don't care to correct him and smell, just give him another angry look, and then sniffle at the stuff in the cup. It doesn't smell nice either, like green and vegetables.

'Drink it or I will throw you out.' The elf commands.

'Oh, how nice.' I say, but finally obey and drink the stuff. I immediately want to spit it back out, but he noticed and put his hand before my mouth.

'I promise you, that if you spit this out, you will be spit back in the wilderness. This takes much time to make and it's very hard, so be grateful, dwarf.' He warns me.

More because I want to ask him another question than his warning, I swallow the stuff, making a gross face.

'It takes much time to make? But for how long have I been here?' I ask curiously.

'I said stop asking these questions and drink.' The elf holds on. Doesn't he know how stubborn dwarves are? Well, not with everyone he would have warned to thrown me out.

'You are grumpy for an elf.' I say and take a bit more of the green stuff in the cup, trying real hard not to spit it out and keep making gross faces, simply because I can't help it. He doesn't seem to mind anything, as long as I drink my whole cup empty. When I'm finally done, I clean my hand with my sleeve (I noticed that I was wearing something differently, and I don't even want to know who changed and cleaned me, because I'm also suddenly very clean while I was covered in dirt) and hand over the cup to the elf, who looks like he is smiling.

'What's so funny?' I ask annoyed.

'Your face when you drink this.' He says amused.

I open my mouth to protest, but realize I must have looked really stupid while drinking it, so I shut my mouth again. And open it again, because I can't keep my mouth shut. 'Well, that's not my fault, it's incredibly gross. Seriously, have you ever drunk this? What is it anyway?' I ask.

'To be honest, no, I haven't drunk this before so maybe I shouldn't judge you too much. But I've seen elves drinking it and they didn't look difficult. It are healing spices, but made so that you could drink them, because some people who need this couldn't eat.'

I decide not to ask any further on that last subject, and just decide to insult him than.

'Well, you elves are eating nothing else than vegetables because you're vegetarians, so that's your problem, not mine.' I say and wrinkle my nose.

'Is there something wrong with that?' he asks with a small laugh. 'And it turns out now it is your problem, because you could barely drink it without spitting it out. I really thought you wouldn't take notice of my warning, spit everything out and throw the cup in my face.'

'Why? Was the warning untrue or did that happen before?' I ask with a smirk on my face.

'Not your business. Now go to sleep.' He says.

'But I don't want to go to sleep before I know everything, especially where my friends are.' I protest again.

'You really sound like that blonde dwarf, you know that? Well, I'm sure they'll be here soon to tell you everything about it. Now please sleep before you're giving me another headache, like that blonde dwarf, and simply because I said that you sound like him you don't have to be like him.'

I can't help another little smile, knowing he's right. We both keep protesting and interrupting each other past the point were even other dwarves had stopped because they were too tired from each other or they would've killed each other when they're in a bad mood, or simply not really liking each other.

'Yes, I know. Hearing all the trouble you've done for me, especially making me drink the most horrible thing ever while I've lived on the road or in bad environments for years, you probably wouldn't kill me in my sleep.'

'And if you wanted to you already would've.'

'Don't you think if I wanted I already would've done so?'

We say at exactly the same time.

'Right, I'm going to sleep.' I say, pushing the blankets over me (for the first time since two weeks without dying from the pain) and the elf gives me a little smile.

I close my eyes and dream about Grodri and Thorin, and that I hopefully would see them again.


	21. Business with an elf

**New chapter, also thank you for the new review!****Everyone, thank you for reading my story! **

**At the bottom of the story I'll put another thing but it's spoiler alert, so that why it's there^^**

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><p><span>Business with an elf<br>My eyes flutter open, the same white light shining through the windows of the white room. I still hate that everything is so very white, I preferred to have a room as dark as possible with only dark colours. That's much nicer.

But, that's the last thing I would complain about right now. The elves had (probably, I still was a bit confused) healed me, and I feel way better. Still not well, but not like I'm dying.

The room is empty again and I give a deep sigh. When am I finally getting an explanation of everything that happened? I still wonder where the others are. They were alive, right?

I try to get up, but I'm still nauseated and tired. Maybe I should yell for someone to come, but I don't want elves around me. But how else can I get answers?

My gaze slides around the room and stops at the night table standing next to the bed. There was another cup on it, the damp still coming out of it, so it must be put there not so long ago. There's also something on it that looks like a note. I pick it up, half expecting the script to be elvish, but of course it wasn't. I couldn't read elvish, no dwarf probably can, and the elves know. The note was written with blue ink, in the common tongue: 'drink this immediately when you're awake. Don't spit it out.'

I throw the note away and wrinkle my nose. Whatever it is, I'm not going to drink it, especially not if it's the same thing as before. I'm just going to throw it away, like I did drink it.

But then I notice there's another note lying against the cup. I pick it up and read it as well: 'You really must drink this, because it will heal you, believe me. And don't throw it away, I'll know it.' Oh come on, really?

I give another sigh like it's the end of the word, throw this note away as well, and finally pick up the cup. Great, from something green to something orange, like there are carrots in it. I don't like carrots, so I'm pretty sure I won't like this either. Why on earth would I drink this? Because it will heal me, I think. And that's the whole point of coming here, wasn't it? Who knows how powerful this drink is. And, it doesn't look that bad either, even though it's orange. How can this be worse than the first one?

With that mood I close my eyes and take the cup to my lips, drinking as quickly as I can. And I almost spit it out again, just before I remember the first note. I try to drink the rest, but I was so wrong; this is a hundred times worse than the first one!

With shaky hands I half-throw half-drop the cup, half of it the stuff still in it, and clean my mouth with my sleeve, meanwhile trying really hard not to choke.

The noise of the cup (which was made from glass) when it shatters on the stone floor hurts my ears and I cough the drink back up again, nearly vomiting. At that moment, the door flies open and the same elf as before comes hurrying in.

I try to stop coughing because now I feel really embarrassed, and that in front of an elf. 'What are you trying to do, poisoning me?' I say with a hoarse yet angry voice that hurts my throat. I know he wasn't, because than he wouldn't have healed me, if he indeed did that.

'Don't vomit it out, you mustn't vomit it out.' He demands, ignoring the rest I said.

'Really, why not? Because it's fun for you to see a dwarf choking? Should've known that.' I say even more angry and even more hoarse.

'No elf has the desire to see any creature choking.' He says insulted. Than his gaze drops on the floor, where the broken glass lies. I follow his gaze, and get even more angry when I see him staring concerned at it.

'And now you're upset because I broke your fucking glass, while I've almost chocked myself to death! Elves, always thinking about themselves and not giving a damn about others.' I growl, and cough again. Although I shouldn't talk, I give him a whole load of curses, but annoyingly he doesn't seem interested.

'You didn't drink it all.' He says softly. When I don't react (unless you think cursing him is a reaction) he speaks up. 'You didn't drink it all.' He says again, louder this time.

'OF COURSE I DIDN'T DRINK IT ALL YOU BLOODY IDIOT, I WAS CHOCKING ON IT!' I yell, although my voice is almost gone at the end of the sentence, and I keep coughing on, now really almost vomiting. Wait, I _am _going to vomit. Mahal, can't that elf go away and kill himself or something?

But to my great surprise, the elf rushes forward and takes my shoulder, while covering my mouth with his hand. 'Don't spit it out, do you hear me? _Don't _spit it out.' He orders.

But why on earth would I obey to an elf? Not my problem if he wants my vomit on his nice, clean and artistic hands, I would love to vomit over them.

The pain in my arm comes back up, and I start to think he hasn't healed me at all. He actually was killing me! He just brought me here so he could kill me himself, the fucking elf! Was killing dwarves a hobby of him or something?

When I make a retching noise he puts a hand on the back of my head and presses his other hand harder against his mouth. 'Listen! If you don't drink this, you have still a very big change to die. This is the most important drink, and the reason that you must drink it all is because you'll be chocking yourself to death otherwise! Now you have taken it, you must drink the rest, otherwise you'll kill yourself. There's an exact amount you must take, but now you've spilled it on the floor.'

His words come in my head by one ear, and go out in the other. 'That's than the weirdest drink I've ever heard off. Don't think you could fool me, elf. You're trying to poisoning me, but I won't let that happen. I just spit it out and be free, so I don't need your help.'

His brown eyes look at me in complete confusion and shock. 'If you were smart, you would listen to an elf!'

My own brown eyes look angry but dull. 'If you were smart, you would know that dwarves are the most stubborn race, and that the last people on earth they would listen to are elves.'

I try to vomit it out, but even now he refuses to remove his hand. What on earth is wrong with him? He yells something in elvish, something I can't follow, but the result is that several elves are coming in the room, two of them immediately running away, one coming this way.

I'm sure all my weapons had been removed, but I still have my hands. I scratch my nails over his hand and try to push it away, but his firm is so grip that I nearly scream of the pain he's causing against my jaws.

The other elf take both my hands, and I'm completely helpless. But I keep on struggling, determined to fight until the end, cursing them under my breath. I cough more violently, and feel as sick as I felt before. They haven't healed me, I'm sure.

The other two elves come in with another cup, the same disgusting orange stuff in it. The hand is removed from my mouth and I immediately intend to vomit, but before I know the cup is placed in my mouth and I start struggling more violently. I manage to hit one elf in the face, and crush my teeth together, not letting it further in.

I kick to the elf who was holding the cup, who nearly dropped it again, and the cup was removed from my lips. I was so busy focusing on killing the new elves, that I had forgotten about the first one. He comes sitting behind me on the bed, and when I'm trying to get up, he pushes me down with a force I didn't expect.

The short time I was surprised he takes advantage of to take the cup and crushes it against my teeth. 'Why won't you believe us, stupid dwarf? Drink this!' he nearly yells in my ear, but I keep my teeth crushed together. I try to kick with my legs again to a way of freedom, but he simply puts his own legs over mine, and I feel now like a little kid sitting in the lap of his parent. Except a parent wouldn't be trying to nearly rip your mouth open if you didn't want to drink something.

'Stop struggling and open your mouth!' he keeps going on, the other three elves coming to help again.

This wasn't a fair fight at all. Four strong elves against one sick, wounded and weakened dwarf? And yet I had almost won, for a moment. If I were healthy and not wounded, I bet I would've kicked all their asses.

Preferring to die fighting and in pride, rather than drinking some elf poison, I look at them with my special smug face, because of the fact they weren't succeeding. I wish Grodri was here, so I could see him one last time. But of the three times I nearly died in just two weeks, two of them I was with Grodri, it's just a shame that he isn't here when it's a real death.

Completely unexpected something hits me in the stomach and I automatically gasp for breath, and before I know the whole content of the cup is in my mouth.

The elf throws the cup away and presses my mouth closed. 'Now, swallow it.' He demands.

I simply shake my head, ready to spit it out. He curses (I didn't know elves could do that) and shuffles a bit backwards, laying my head in his lap.

I have a lot of the drink in my mouth, and now my head is bent I choke even more, and can't help to swallow it.

The elves give a sigh of relief, and the hand of the first elf slowly is removed from my mouth, his elegant and artistic fingers following the edge of my lips, and for some reason it causes me to shiver.

'Well, that wasn't that hard, was it?' he asks, forcing himself a little smile.

'My objection had nothing to do with the difficulty.' I say and stop struggling. It's know over anyway, and I'm really tired now.

'I hope you make it, dwarf. We didn't have time to measure again how much you needed, so I hope it's enough or not too much.' He continues.

'You still go on with that stupid idea? I've drunk it now, you can say the truth. And my name is Dís.'

'Really? Than you must be the sister of Thorin Oakenshield, king under the mountain? And it _is _the truth, Dís.' He doesn't sound very surprised, though. I look a lot like Thorin, so he would've guessed already. If he knows how Thorin looks, of course.

'Yes I am, and I still don't believe you.' I mumble, feeling the strength floating out of my body.

He says something in elvish to the others, and they leave. 'What did you say to them?' I ask, wondering why I cared. I probably wouldn't like it. 'Are you discussing a place to bury me, or are you just going to throw me somewhere back in the wild, if it's to much trouble?'

He smiles. 'Actually, no. I told them that they could go know, that's it.'

'That still leaves my last question unanswered.' I notice.

'We won't have to bury you, I hope.' He says, and I think I hear real concern in his voice. But I must've imagined it, that's not possible. An elf couldn't care about dwarves. That was one thing made clear, all those years ago when Smaug attacked and the elves turned the other way. Though, that were elves from Mirkwood, not Rivendell. But what does it matter, they're all the same.

'What's your name?' I ask. Like it's important to know who killed you, but I'm just curious.

He indeed looks surprised, but he replies. 'My name is Eryndir.'

'What does that mean?' I can't believe the last conversation I have is a casual chat with my murderer about his name and the meaning of it. I wouldn't be surprised if it's a violent name or something.

'Eryn means woods, and dîr means young man.' He explains.

'Really? How old are you?'

'Older than my name says, but at a start everyone is young.'

'Elves.' I groan. 'Never giving an answer. That's not polite at all, you know that. Like killing someone, actually, that isn't polite either. I thought you elves were so keen on that.'

He laughs and I get annoyed by how terribly white and shiny his teeth are. I suspect it will make me hate him even more, but somehow hearing that laugh and hating him at the same time is impossible, even if he just poisoned me.

About that, I suddenly feel so weak that I'm to tired to talk, or do anything, so I just keep staring forward, at the white ceiling. 'If I had a dagger I still would've killed you.' I say, and the world goes black. Again.

* * *

><p>And yet I wake up. Again. How on earth was that possible? Am I going immortal or something?<p>

When my eyes open, the room is dark, and I can feel that I'm no longer with my head resting on his lap. I didn't except to still lay there, but a part of me finds it disappointing. It was somehow comforting. But how could it be comforting to lie in the lap of you killer? But he didn't killed me. Was it all just a bad dream or did he actually spoke the truth?

'Yes, I did.' A familiar coming voice says, and when I turn my head Eryndir is sitting on a chair right next to the bed.

'What?' I ask confused.

'I did speak the truth. And no, you weren't talking out loud. But your thoughts are plainly written on your face, princess.'

'Don't call me like that.' I immediately snarl, my bad mood returned.

'I'm sorry. But if you are Thorin's sister, you are a princess, right?' He asks.

'Yes, but don't call me like that. I don't like it.' I say grumpy, and shoot him another angry look. The title, as usual, made me think of Frerin.

'Alright than. How would you like me to call you?'

'I have a name you can use, how about that? It's clever isn't it, a name.' I say while getting up.

'Don't get up.' He sighs frustrated. 'How hard can it be? Just lay down, and for once, just listen to me! I don't care anymore if you trust me or not, or believe me or not, but listen to what I say!'

'Tell me than what happened! Everything from the beginning. I was dying. I thought I was dead. But then I was suddenly here, and I have no idea from what's going on, so tell me!'

'Fine, but only if you _promise_ to lay still and drink-'

'I'M NOT GOING TO DRINK ANYMORE, YOU-' I was just about to curse him again but he interrupts me before I get the change.

'Quiet, quiet! It's just water, dwarf. You need to eat and drink something, both just things that normal people eat and drink, so calm down.'

'Fine.' I say, very relieved and take it. It was simple bread with soup (luckily no vegetables) and indeed water. At least it looked like that, so I went with it.

'Now tell me what happened.' I say after finishing my first slice of bread.

'As usual, I was with some other elves riding in the woods. Something I love to do, so my name is quite appropriate. We heard a scream and ponies, so we decided to look who came so close to Rivendell. Usually, the place is abandoned, occasionally some orcs but they were never on horses, and they don't steal them either. We saw a big group of dwarves, standing in a circle around something. We went to them, asking what they were doing here. They said they were travelling to Rivendell because they had someone who was ill, so we sent them away. We can't bring dwarves here, and even ill dwarves must keep to their own business. But suddenly a blonde dwarf said that it was too late, and I saw you lying in the middle, looking very dead indeed. I checked, and found out you were still alive. They told me everything of your sickness, and how they were travelling to us to seek help. The other elves said that they should leave, that they are not giving help to dwarves, and that you wouldn't make it on time anyhow. It was still a long trip, and your ponies were exhausted, just like the dwarves. I offered to take you. I'm the fastest rider, so I took you on my horse, saying to the others that they must rest and catch up later, and that I would heal you. That I would do everything I could to heal you. Suddenly there was an orc ambush, and the blonde dwarf told me to go away and the dwarves would kill them. I left the other elves behind them for help, while I raced off to Rivendell. I immediately stopped when I had found the athelas, wasting no more time and healed you. You were still very weak and I put you here, informed Lord Elrond of it, who seemed okay with it, fortunately, otherwise I had to throw you out.'

'Really? After all the trouble you've done you would just throw me out?' I ask and roll my eyes. 'But you were saying that the others were ambushed by orcs? How do you know they're still alive?'

'The elves returned the next morning, saying every orc had been killed but no elf or dwarf. So they must still be alive, unless later on something happened. We expect them to arrive today.'

'But it's already dark outside.' I say concerned.

'We told them to rest, remember?' a comforting hand strikes my hair away.

'I guess they'll be fine.' I say to myself, just to reassure myself. I hope and pray that it's also true.

'I'm sure of it.' He says. 'I'm happy to see you still alive; I couldn't have come with the athelas a minute later, or you would've died.'

'You see, I never get that.' I say. 'How would you know that, maybe I would've lasted a bit longer, maybe a whole day more. But you didn't find out. I believe people just say that to sound more heroic. Yes, you saved my life, thank you by the way, but who knew how much more time I had left.'

'I know you wouldn't have a minute longer left, because you had stopped breathing when I put the athelas on your wound. It was just a matter of seconds, really.' His voice sounds quite dead, and a shiver runs down my spine. I didn't know that. I open my mouth to say something, but suddenly the door bursts open and a blonde dwarf is within a second next to Eryndir, his face sweaty and concerned.

'Grodri, also hello.' I say with a frown.

'Yeah, hi. How are you? Has this elf healed you, did he keep his word?' He asks without taking notice of him, his eyes steadily fixed on me.

'I'm fine, don't worry. And he has kept his word, don't worry. Eventually, at least.' I joke.

Eryndir sounds insulting and Grodri crushes his teeth together, like I did earlier today. 'What do you mean by that?'

I roll my eyes. 'Don't worry, again. I was just joking. I'm completely fine and the elf has saved me life, so no worries. He took care of me even after saving my life, how about that?'

'Yes, yes, funny Dís. I didn't know if you were dead or alive for two days and those other blokes didn't get on moving, they just wanted to rest. I should've left alone.'

'And he did, you know?' another familiar voice comes from the door. I lift up my head and see the dwarf I gave the charge. 'I had to stop him myself, because he was walking around like a chicken without a head, telling, no excuse me, screaming to us that we had to move on. Eventually he left off on his own and I stopped him because he's an idiot and sure would've gotten himself killed. So you should thank me I saved your… whatever he is to you, it's quite confusing.'

I give him a weak smile. 'Well, thank you.'

Eryndir, who was sitting like he was feeling very uncomfortable between all those dwarves, moved to the door.

'Eryndir, where are you going?' I call him. I somehow feel a bit unsure if he's gone, like he's going to get another drink that will almost kill me.

'I need to talk to Lord Elrond. You need to stay here for another two weeks, so this dwarves will also probably need a place to stay.' He says, looking back at me.

'What? I need to stay here for another _two _weeks? What idiot came up with that idea?' I protest. I won't hold on here for two weeks.

'I did, my lady. And you need that time to heal.'

I open my mouth to protest again, but Grodri silences me.

'We want you to be completely healthy again, Dís. I'll try to find out a way of letting Thorin know you're okay again. Alright?'

'I won't have a choice, do I?' I ask.

'Nope.' He grins, and gives me a kiss on the mouth.

* * *

><p>I was getting better everyday, and thank Mahal, according to Eryndir I didn't have to drink anymore of those horrible drinks. My wound was checked thrice, later twice a day. It was a simple wound, clean and stitched. It did hurt still, but that also grew less everyday, and eventually I didn't need to take a thousand (as it was in my imagination) painkillers, just one when I really needed it.<p>

I was cursing the horribly white room everyday as well, what made Eryndir laugh and me rolling my eyes. I also was able to take short walks, who kept going longer. I had preferred the company of Grodri, but he doesn't know the way here, so I get Eryndir with me every time. The elf I had hated in the beginning for thinking he killed, I somehow grow slowly affected to. That was the only thing that bothered me. Dwarves and elves can't be friends.

But the last day in Rivendell, it became very clear to me that I actually didn't _want_ to leave. Someday, yes, but not yet. I liked Eryndir, a lot. And not just as very good friends like each other a lot.

Eryndir gave the dwarves a sort of goodbye-party, but I know it was simply for me, not for any other of those dwarves. They weren't enemies right now, but neither were they friends.

I also thought about Grodri, and I possibly can't stop loving him (why would I? I don't want to) but he's someone I want for the rest of my life. And Eryndir…

'Here.' His voice interrupts my thoughts and I make a little jump, quickly turning around and look up at him. It always seems like he's so tall as a tree, especially because I'm even small-sized for a dwarf.

'What?' I ask, and look down at something he's holding in his hands, giving it to me. 'Oh. Is that for me?' I ask, looking up at him again. He's looking very nervous for some reason, but nods.

I take the little box from his hand and open it. There's something inside that causes me to gasp for breath. I pick up a golden necklace out the box, obviously a dwarf necklace.

'How did you get this?' I ask curiously. 'It's a dwarven necklace, isn't it?'

'Yes, it is. I have bought it once from a very poor dwarf, because she needed the money. I suddenly remembered I still had it somewhere in my room, so I looked and found it. It's no use to me, and elves don't wear such a thing. It's too big and heavy, but I suspect it'll look beautiful on you.' He gives me an uncertain smile.

'It's beautiful, Eryndir. Truly.' I smile back. His smile widens, making mine bigger as well.

'Would you put it on?' I ask, and suddenly remember that he's twice my size. 'No, I mean, I'm sorry.' I say quickly, feeling a bit ashamed.

'Of course.' He says, taking the necklace and puts it around my neck, the heavy golden necklace resting between my collarbones.

'Now it's even more beautiful.' He says and I smile.

'I'm sorry I have nothing for you, but I didn't expect you to give me something, so I don't have anything. Is that stupid?' I ask with a small voice, feeling really stupid.

'No.' He simply says with a smile. 'It maybe isn't proper, but I just wanted to give you this, because you know… I have it for so long and you're really nice.'

The corner of my mouth moves up, making me grin. 'Really, you think I'm nice? After I disobeyed you, annoyed you, asked so many questions that your ears should've already fallen off, gave you orders in your own house and basically I'm really irritating and too stubborn for elves?' I ask.

'I don't think you're annoying, or irritating. But you are really too stubborn and you ask a thousand questions, you give orders while you disobey mine… And yet, I truly couldn't care any less. I like that about you. It makes you, you.' He smiles and I smile back again.

The music of dancing dwarves on the table is filling my ears, and the smell of wine filling my nostrils. I myself had drink already quite some glasses, but I can't remember how much anymore. According to the thing I'm going to do next, quite a lot.

'It's so crowded and noisy here, shall we go somewhere else?' I ask.

'Sure.' He says and I follow him out of the room, both of us going away unnoticed.

We walk to his house, and I put down the glass of wine I had finished.

'Why are you so tall?' I ask.

'Why are you so small?' he asks back.

I roll my eyes and shake my head. 'No, seriously. You are literally twice my size.'

He sits down on his knees before me, and is still taller than me. 'Not literally, I'd say. But I'm so much taller than you indeed. Is that a problem with you than?'

'No, I guess. But still, aren't you feeling like a tree? I'm feeling like an ant.'

'Nope, not really. I could walk on my knees for you if you want that, but I don't think so and my knees are hurting already, so I don't hope so.'

'Don't do it than, if there are no advantages.'

'But there is, one.'

'What's that?' I ask, and the next moment his lips are pressed against mine. A dwarf and elf definitely shouldn't do this! But on the other hand, who cares? We don't, and the rest doesn't need to know.

I kiss him back, putting my arms around his neck and he lifts me up as he gets back onto his feet again. I put my legs around him, not that that's really working in a dress. We can take care of that.

'Wow,' I say between the kisses. 'I've never been this tall before.'

He grins and I continue. 'I know a way to make you lower.'

'I already thought of that; no problem.' He says, carrying me to his bedroom without his lips leaving mine, the door closing behind us.

He drops me on the bed, and he follows. Within five minutes I was wearing nothing more but the necklace he had just given to me, and in his case; nothing at all.

* * *

><p>I wake from the light shining through the closed curtains and stretch myself, until my hand is stopped by another person's face.<p>

'Hey!'

'Sorry, I didn't mean to hit you.' I grin.

'Excuses.'

I roll my eyes and though his are still closed, he says: 'I _know_ that you're rolling your eyes now, Dís.'

I grin again. 'Maybe. But I need to leave today, and I promised the other to leave as early in the morning as we could. Will you walk with me to the ponies?' I ask. It might as well be the very last time I see him. But at least, I won't forget the memory of last night.

'Sure.' He says and I climb out of bed to put on my dress and brush my hair. I find him in the kitchen, and he has made breakfast for me. I give him a thankful smile and give him one last kiss.

When we walk outside, the others are already waiting. But it wasn't that late, was it? I wonder. But none of them seem to suspect anything, so I just get on my pony, ready for the road back. It's time to finally go home, to see Thorin again.

'Goodbye, Eryndir. Thank you for saving my life.' I say respectful.

He gives me a little nod in return. I look around the gathered dwarves who were also on their ponies. 'Let's go home!' I say, never thinking I would say that. Sometimes miracles just do happen, as long as you're not sitting to wait for them. Searching wouldn't help either. They just happen.

I turn my pony around and don't feel the need to look back to Rivendell; I only look back once at my saver. He's the reason I can go home now, and I've never been more grateful for anything to anyone in my life, and it won't ever happen in the future.

The path finally leaves Rivendell, and I'm finally here again. Back into the wild, ready to take back the journey home.

* * *

><p><strong>So the idea from all of this is from Killiel, who I ship.<br>In an interview said Aidan that his mother might have been doing things with elves, and I kind of liked that idea.  
>The whole idea of this is of course from Kíli and Tauriel, the infection-idea as well.<strong>

**I hope you've enjoyed!**

**Next chapter they'll be back home!**


	22. Returning home

**At last, a new chapter! I'm sorry, but I'm not very motivated because of various reasons. Anyway, here's a short one.**

**LOL, since I said I ship Killiel I lost followers ;p Is it really that horrible, people?**

**Sooo, I'm not sure when next chapter will come.  
>Please review to get me a bit more motivated!<strong>

* * *

><p>Returning<span> home<span>

The journey home was taking much longer than the journey to the elves. Of course, no one was dying anymore so that does make a difference. But we had all rested in Rivendell and the ponies didn't want to leave that place, I guess. But we were more often and longer stopping and on an easier tempo. But, for the difference, there were no orc attacks or other nasty business. And after two weeks and three days, we were home again.

I immediately feel better when I see my home in the distance, after more than a month. I can see the dwarves wandering around and I wonder if Thorin is amongst them. But there were so many dwarves and it was from such a distance, I couldn't tell. Well, there's only one way to find out.

I ride fast to the houses, dwarves looking up when there's a pony walking in front of their feet. I look around but can't find Thorin. I find it suddenly hard anyway to recognize people from the distance. I usually had no trouble with that, I couldn't afford that when I was shooting with bow and arrow. But now…

I shake the thought out of my head. It's not time to think about that now, it's time to find Thorin. He would be here, right?

I ride my pony to the stable, doing everything as quickly as I can. As an apologise I give him a carrot, and then run out of the stables, looking in the crowd. At this time he's never home, it's only midday. He's probably still working at the forge, if he isn't busy with doing king business I don't understand and mostly don't want to understand.

It's busy at the forge, with dwarves and men. Somehow, I finally manage to get past them and see a familiar dwarf working with a sword. I pat on his shoulder, and he looks surprised when it is me, but I don't give him time so speak.

'Tell me, where's Thorin?' I ask immediately.

'He's at his home.' The dwarf responds.

'What, why? Is there something wrong with him, is he sick or injured?' I ask worryingly.

'No, my lady. He's doing some king stuff.' The dwarf opens his mouth to ask something to me, but I have already turned around and raced out the forge.

When I finally arrive at his house, completely out of breath, I give some heavy knocks on the door. When it doesn't open, I do it again but this time louder with a flat hand. I was about to yell his name when the door opens and I accidently hit him in the face.

'Oops, sorry. I didn't mean to do that.' I apologise, but can't help to laugh.

The king looked annoyed, but then he suddenly seemed to recognize my voice and he takes my hand out of his face. 'Dís?'

'Yeah duh, who else?' I say, rolling my eyes.

'Thank Mahal, you've made it, you're still alive!' he calls, and now it is my turn to look surprised. I was about to ask when I'm in his embrace.

'What do you mean, you knew I've made it to Rivendell where an elf has healed me?' I ask surprised, stepping back and breaking the embrace.

'Of course not, Dís, how on earth would I know that? I don't have eyes everywhere.' He says equally surprised.

'No, but Grodri said that he would send a message to you that I was healed. Apparently, he didn't.'

Thorin thinks for a moment but shrugs. 'Well, I would've loved a message that you were healed, because I haven't seen you for a month and in that month I didn't know if you would be alive or death. It was waiting and that was terrible, but at least you're alive, and that's what matters, and I know you're alive now.'

'I suppose.' I say, giving him a smile.

* * *

><p>I convinced Thorin that I was ready to work again tomorrow, because I didn't like sitting still. Thorin told me that the thing what infected me in the first place was removed, by his order. I<p>

frowned at that, because the place was from men, but when they heard what it did to me, they immediately removed it. Hmpf, couldn't they've done that _before_ the accident happened?

When I'm at home, I hear a knock on the door, and I quickly answer it. Grodri is standing in front of the door, holding up a bag. 'You forgot this in the stables.' He shortly says.

'Oh, I'm sorry.' I say, taking the bag over from him. He already turns away, but I stop him.

'Grodri, wait a second!' I call and he turns back, not looking very pleased.

'You said in Rivendell that you would send a message to Thorin that I was healed, but he had no idea I was still alive when I was at his door this afternoon.' I say.

'I've looked but I couldn't find a way to message him.' He simply says.

'Well, you could've said that.'

'What difference does it make?'

'We could've speed up a little, or simply letting me know it.' I say, and frown. 'Grodri, what's the matter with you?' I ask, wondering about his behaviour. He was in general a nice dwarf, not really cutting short or annoying to anyone. Now, though.

'There's nothing the matter with me.' He snarled, and was about to turn and walk away, but I stopped him again, taking his arm and drag him into my house. To prevent him from escaping I shut the door and come standing before it by myself.

'It wasn't a question if something is the matter with you, because I can see there _is. _I asked what _is _the matter with you?'

'There's nothing, again.'

'Really? So you're suddenly behaving like an ass for no particular reason?' I ask, ignoring his angry look. 'Are you really so bothered that I asked why you didn't tell me you didn't message Thorin?'

'Of course not.' He snarls.

'Well, what is it than? You know I can be as bloody annoying as you're right now and I'm more stubborn than you so I keep being annoying and stubborn until you tell me what's wrong.' I simply say, leaning against the door and waiting for an answer. I was a bit too tired to do this, but my curiosity won't let me step away from the door.

'That I hate elves, that's the problem.' He finally says, and while I had expected something differently, he seems very serious about it.

'Well, that's nothing new. We all do.' I say and turn around to open the door for him, but my hand freezes on the doorknob when he continues.

'You don't.'

'Of course I do. Well, one elf has healed me, so I don't hate him, but I haven't forgotten how the elves treated us when we were homeless and starving, begging for their help. I was only ten, but I can remember it better than anything else. Such things you can't forget, even if you wish too. But I can hardly hate Eryndir now, can I? I owe him my life.' Seeing this as an good explanation, I want to open the door again, but again my hand freezes when he speaks with a cold voice, something that was the last thing I would expect him to say at that moment.

'So you slept with an elf because you owe him your life, or because you lied and you secretly like elves?'

My mind rages, and I stare with wide eyes at the doorknob. Then I turn around and face him, seeing his angry eyes and tensed body. I open my mouth, but nothing comes out.

'How, how did I know, is what you're thinking now. Well, I was searching you that last night, and because I couldn't find you I went to the stupid elf's house. Nobody opened the door when I knocked, but when I walked around the house I could hear you both. And the next morning it was very easy to guess what you two had done. So tell me Dís, did you do it because you owe him your live, or have you fallen in love with an elf?' his voice sounds soft and hard at the same time, and everything's seems not right.

'Well, answer me.' He says impatiently.

'None of those things, Grodri.'

'Oh, really? What was it than? You slipped and fell accidently in his bed?'

'Of course not! I can't deny what I've done, but I don't love him and I didn't do it because he saved my life.'

'Really-'

'Yes!'

'Why else have you done it, than?'

I can't really answer this question, because now I've been asked, I don't really know. So I choose the option which is the most likely.

'We were both drunk.' I seriously doubt if Grodri will believe this. And as it turns out, I'm right.

'You were both drunk? I hope very very very drunk, because we all were and yet you somehow are the only one who did it. You can tell me if he made you do it, I can easily go back and kill him for that.' The look on his face says it all.

'No! Grodri, dear Mahal. Are you crazy? No one is getting murdered! And of course he didn't make me do it.'

'I'm not crazy, you are. But answer this question honestly; who started this?'

I open my mouth, but again words fail me. Grodri knows and sighs, rolling his eyes.

'Of course it was you. So that means you love that elf.'

'Grodri, I swear to Mahal, I don't love him! I like him, but that's were it stops. He's also the only elf that I like, the rest I still hate and despite for what they've done.'

This time Grodri opens his mouth but closes it again. He sighs again, shaking his head. 'I just can't believe you, Dís. But if you choose an elf above me, let's have it your way than.'

'What, no, no!' I say with a raised voice.

'You did this, Dís. It's not my fault, it's your own. You never think before you do something, it's always been like that. You're not afraid of anything, but maybe you should be.'

I shake my head in disbelief, wishing that this was all just a bad dream. I walk up to him, but he refuses to meet my eyes again.

'I hope Thorin will forgive you, but I seriously doubt it.' He suddenly says.

'What? Grodri, you can't do that!' I beg.

'Hmm, maybe you are afraid of something.' He says, noticing the fear that had come into my voice.

'Please, you must promise me not to tell anyone, no one at all! Please, Grodri, I beg you! And definitely not Thorin; he'll kill me if he finds out.' Panic is now freely coming from my voice. _If Thorin knows, he'll kill me. _'Please, you can't do _that._' I beg again, folding my hands together and stare at him in the most pleading look.

He seems to doubt know, giving me a short glance. 'Fine. It's your decision whether you want to tell him or not. And I know you won't, but you and I know this both, and you even better; if he finds out, he'll be even more cross.'

'But he won't find out.' I immediately interrupt. 'Because we'll both keep our mouths shut and tell _no one_ on this whole earth. Do you understand?' I say, almost commanding. As a princess, I could command him to do something, but if he would listen…

'Sure.' He says, and with those words, he walks past me out of the door.


End file.
